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smell less and I want ECAMeveryone said I'm on ECAM welcome
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welcome welcome let me know guysif you can hear me if you can see
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me all we live in the house Icertainly hope so. Welcome Welcome
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one welcome wool. It is Fridaynight mashallah Tabata cola it is
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a Friday Night Live for those ofyou had joined today I pray you do
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I was blessing may Allah bless allof you nice to see the Live Crew
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want to call you guys that to livethrough so if you all watching
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live to Live Crew in the chatisn't too bad guys that really bad
00:01:40 --> 00:01:43
that might be really bad thatmight be really off brand if it is
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off brand then forget I ever saidanything okay if you think two
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Live Crew not too bad then put twoLive Crew in the chat if you're
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watching live and put replay gangin the chat if you're watching
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this on the replay right so we gotguys we got who we got in the
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house we've got USA guys let's getspecific. I've been here Okay,
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let's get specific. Wherever youare. I want to see the town or the
00:02:11 --> 00:02:15
city and the country Okay, notjust the country. Drop your
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locations we've got London in thehouse we've got mashallah New York
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one of our regulars we've gotNigeria we're about six we're in
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Nigeria are you we've got Londonin the house you've got San
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Francisco Yes, you've got Mombasawe've got more London we've got
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Germany fantastic Oh Masha Allahto from Germany wonderful. We've
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got USA we're about system we'reabout see from Bavaria Nice. Masha
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Allah Germany and the house again.Atlanta the GA Yes. For the two
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line crews in the house. Yes.
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Colonia wonderful Great to haveyou in New York City guys is
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Croydon in the place, more Germanymashallah Maryland, Rotterdam,
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West Yorkshire, Columbus, Ohio,London Baraka Lo Fi comm wonderful
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I love it. Alright guys, you gotit. Thank you, Nigeria. Liberals.
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Don't tell you guys don't playwith me tonight. Okay, listen, let
00:03:10 --> 00:03:14
me tell you. We have had twovideos D monetize this week. Can
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you imagine two videos D monetizedone talking about polygamy and the
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other talking about
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addiction to *. We'll just callit that. So times are hard on the
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Boulevard. So you know, I'mlooking out for those super chats,
00:03:28 --> 00:03:33
those stupid things, those coffeesthat you can buy us via the link
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inshallah. We are here for all ofit in Sharla. Guys, you're
00:03:37 --> 00:03:42
amazing. Let me introduce andbring on my co host today. This is
00:03:42 --> 00:03:47
candid conversations. So I shouldactually play our series. I think
00:03:47 --> 00:03:51
I should have he should. Let mesee if I can do that. Let me see
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if I can do that. Will it do it?Yes, it will. Yes, it is kinda
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conversations with your sistername would be Robert and your
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brother
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in Supers.
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You are still muted. So I'veunmuted you
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Polycom Salam wa rahmatullahi wabarakaatuh how are you?
00:04:17 --> 00:04:20
hamdulillahi rabbil aalameenyou're matching the show brand
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that I'm not today. It is what itis. Yeah. Hamdulillah this was
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this was inspired by hamdulillahmy daughter who had a purple shirt
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on. So I told her that I wasmatching her and dressing like
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her. Yes, yes, yes, yes, Masha,Allah. Love that. Mashallah.
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Allahumma barik May Allah blessall the daughters and the sons out
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there and those of you who haveput your sons and daughters to bed
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so that you can join us?
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And all of the wives out therethat ain't tripping and messing up
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their homes because of polygyny.Oh god seriously
00:04:59 --> 00:04:59
yet
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It's,
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we haven't even begun yet. And themic is out. Okay. Okay. Yeah,
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let's talk about it. Okay, so Ican see you've come. You've chosen
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violence today. Now you guys knowalready. Normally it's me who
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chooses violence, I go on face.But today I think Brother Nasir
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has chosen violence, which is anice change, I think what do you
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guys think? I think it's a nicechange. But we all going to be
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having more of a debate todayreally, than we normally do. So
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guys, we've got four topics todaythat we want to discuss. Hold on,
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hold on, hold on. You see thatsuper chat that came in? See when
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I choose violence? I get money.It's true. It's true that Do you
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know what? Choose violence again?Bring the weaponry. Okay. 999
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Super Chat is like, oh, okay, thatI should say please, no
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negativity. Nelson. Oh, girl,girl, girl. Let's see. Let's see,
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I think you may have to pay him totone it down. You buy something?
00:05:57 --> 00:06:01
Right? Nothing but the truthtoday. Okay, okay. Bismillah. So
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guys, here are the rules. Allright, we have four topics. And
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when we start the topic, I'm goingto put it up on the screen, so you
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guys will see it. I think we'regoing to have a little time to say
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our piece on it. But then thefloor is open. Okay. And we really
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do want you guys to come come withyour A game. All right, come with
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your A game, meaning come withsomething, something concrete to
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say, you know, with a real point,as much as you can bring your
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belief, okay? Bring your evidence,bring your explanation for why you
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have the opinion that you have.We're not here to shout and scream
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and get emotional. We are here tohave, you know, it may be a
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debate, but it's still aconversation. Right? So please,
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let's let's make sure that when wecome in, we've got something to
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say we've got a point to make. Andlet's come in and make our points
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in sha Allah. Okay, you know, wealready say that this is the best
00:07:01 --> 00:07:05
live stream on the YouTube in theMuslim space, Mashallah. And the
00:07:05 --> 00:07:08
one of the reasons why it is socool is you guys, is that you
00:07:08 --> 00:07:13
listen, you pay attention, youthink and when you speak, you can
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see that you only have consideredwhat's being said mashallah Tabata
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19
color. So, we love that. But thenI said, anything you want to say
00:07:19 --> 00:07:22
to the people out there before weget started in Sharla?
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Yeah, so a bit off topic, butimportant for me to get off my
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chest. So I can just get this offmy chest, very much unrelated to
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the topic. But, you know, I thinksomething you and I discussed, one
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of the things that I want to do isto
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eventually have
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a weekly conversation around thefeedback and what I get from my
00:07:50 --> 00:07:56
sessions with clients. And so twothings I wanted to, to share very
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quickly, because I probably won'thave make that video this week. So
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just two points.
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And they'll just be quick point, Iwon't elaborate unless you want
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to. But just two quick points. Oneis,
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for my sisters,
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please don't get caught up in thelabel. And what I mean by that is
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this, oftentimes when there ischallenges in the relationship in
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the marriage,
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and you seek out a therapist, andthat therapist reaffirms that
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quote, unquote, your husband
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is a narcissist.
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I would nudge you a little bitmore to then ask yourself, what
00:08:42 --> 00:08:46
now? Meaning? What am I going todo now? Because what I'm finding
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is oftentimes,
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we get the label that we want.
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And that seem to have been thegoal post. Right? Just to affirm
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that, you know, my husband is anarcissist, that's the problem.
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When I would suggest to you let'spush a little bit further
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and ask the question, now that yougot the labor, What work are you
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going to put in to adjust yourselfnow that you have been affirmed
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and what you have been thinkingand feeling? So that's one.
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Any thoughts on that before I goto the second
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I'm leaving myself from thestream. Why am I doing that? No,
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no, this is the therapeutic stuff.You know, this is this is the this
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is the therapeutic side. And I dothink, you know, sisters, I think
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we all know and we've seenincreasingly in the community in
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as as a reflection of what'shappening in society in general.
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The increase of labels likenarcissist, right, it's like
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everyone is a narcissist, right? Ithink the two that I see the most
00:09:57 --> 00:09:59
is he was narcissistic, or he waslike I couldn't
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toll free call controlling, right?And sometimes I feel that those
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are code words for a certain typeof behavior that you didn't like,
00:10:09 --> 00:10:13
or that didn't make you feel good.It's not a clinical diagnosis that
00:10:13 --> 00:10:16
he's a narcissist is just in yourhead a narcissist is somebody
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maybe who's self centered, forexample, right? Oh, who wants
00:10:19 --> 00:10:22
things done his own way? Methyleneyou know, but anyway, I'm not the
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expert here, it doesn't make senseto kind of dig deeper than just
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getting that label. So yeah,
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that's the point. That was thepoint like, you know, okay, once,
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whether the label is there or not,the behavior is there, it's been
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affirmed, and
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it's been affirmed. And so now thequestion is, you know, that this
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problematic behavior is there,what are you going to do? Right?
00:10:48 --> 00:10:52
Are you going to spend your timetrying to,
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or you're going to spend your timeand self doubt that what you've
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seen is not really what you'reseeing, although it's being
00:10:58 --> 00:10:59
affirmed?
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Or are you going to then spendyour time to say, Okay, this is a
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situation, I accept the Milkaspill, I accept that these are his
00:11:07 --> 00:11:11
behaviors that are problematic,I'm going to move forward in this
00:11:11 --> 00:11:15
direction doing this thing, right.And I accept the discomfort that
00:11:15 --> 00:11:20
comes with being active andchanging my situation. Because
00:11:20 --> 00:11:25
what I find oftentimes is we getstuck in the label or get stuck in
00:11:25 --> 00:11:28
where we're at. Because we don'twant to deal with the discomfort
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of making the adjustment thatcomes with that.
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Okay, so I'm not sure whether thisis a question that is helpful to
00:11:36 --> 00:11:40
those who are listening, orwatching. But so if you get stuck,
00:11:40 --> 00:11:44
what does that look like, for aclient? If she's got the unit has
00:11:44 --> 00:11:47
been, you know, the label has beenaffirmed? Your husband has an X Y,
00:11:47 --> 00:11:51
Zed, and now she's stuck there.What does that look like? How does
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53
that show up in terms of how shebehaves?
00:11:55 --> 00:12:00
Constantly, one, one at timesremaining. But also while
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remaining constantly doubting selfdoubting worth,
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constantly looking for otherevidence of what they believe to
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be true, what is already beingaffirmed. And then, and then not
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focusing on
00:12:23 --> 00:12:26
learning how to deal with mythinking, learning how to deal
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with my emotions, and thenadjusting my actions, given the
00:12:30 --> 00:12:34
environment that I know I'm innow. Right? It's been affirmed, I
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know that this is the type ofatmosphere I'm living within.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:42
Okay, now that I know that what amI going to do so that I exist, if
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I've decided to stay, I'm going toexist in this dysfunction, while
00:12:49 --> 00:12:56
out without self sabotaging self,right, causing less cost to myself
00:12:56 --> 00:12:59
while remaining in it. So thus, Ineed to learn a modality, I need
00:12:59 --> 00:13:02
to learn how to handle my thinkingor my emotions, and and then
00:13:02 --> 00:13:07
adjust my behaviors. But that's aprocess. Right? That that requires
00:13:07 --> 00:13:09
work. And that's uncomfortable.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14
Because the easy thing is just tosay, Look, you need to change, he
00:13:14 --> 00:13:21
needs to change. Right? He needsto he needs to change now. Right?
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Because that that requires less ofchange in in myself. So I get
00:13:25 --> 00:13:30
stuck in that, versus what isuncomfortable, which is, and this
00:13:30 --> 00:13:34
is why it's taking responsibility.Exactly. Yeah, it's taking
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responsibility and accountability,that I have a lowered sense of
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self worth. Right? That I'm notwilling to deal with that, which
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is really one of the reasons whyI'm staying.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:54
Right? I'm staying because I don'tnot in all cases, but in some
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cases, cases that I'm seeing, I'mstaying because I really don't
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believe one, I don't trust myjudgment to I don't really believe
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that I'm worthy of more than this.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:11
Right? I'm not worthy of bettertreatment. So that's a self worth
00:14:11 --> 00:14:15
thing. That's a thinking issue.And so that that requires work.
00:14:15 --> 00:14:19
And so that also requires, you maybe shifting the attention from him
00:14:19 --> 00:14:24
and his label and shifting ittowards yourself. Right. Okay. So
00:14:24 --> 00:14:28
that you can then makeadjustments. But if we always stay
00:14:28 --> 00:14:33
focused on Him, not saying forthose in the back, not saying that
00:14:33 --> 00:14:37
his behavior isn't problematic. Itis. But if you're choosing to
00:14:37 --> 00:14:42
stay, how are you going to stay?is an important question to ask
00:14:42 --> 00:14:45
yourself, especially if you havechildren, because they're
00:14:45 --> 00:14:51
watching. So how are you going toexist in this dysfunction? And
00:14:51 --> 00:14:54
that's an important thing. Youalways if you know that you're in
00:14:54 --> 00:14:57
dysfunction, how do you functionwithin dysfunction?
00:14:58 --> 00:14:59
Right, but that's that
00:15:00 --> 00:15:04
that takes work. So that that'sone thing that
00:15:05 --> 00:15:09
for the video that I know, I won'tcreate that I want to create that
00:15:09 --> 00:15:15
point. Yeah. And the second pointto the video for the video that I
00:15:15 --> 00:15:18
want to create that I know I'm notgoing to create is, brothers,
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20
please make sure you
00:15:21 --> 00:15:26
take the time to examine whatactions, what beliefs and what
00:15:26 --> 00:15:30
actions for you to determine yourmanhood.
00:15:31 --> 00:15:35
Because oftentimes, thosebehaviors can be self sabotaging
00:15:35 --> 00:15:40
before relationship beforemarriage. But if you continue that
00:15:40 --> 00:15:41
within marriage, it can definitely
00:15:43 --> 00:15:48
cause a rift with trust within therelationship. Right? So So for
00:15:48 --> 00:15:55
example, to put it in practice. SoI believe that
00:15:56 --> 00:16:01
if I believe that my ability to
00:16:03 --> 00:16:10
gain the attention and attractionof a woman, as an indication of my
00:16:10 --> 00:16:12
manhood or masculinity,
00:16:14 --> 00:16:20
then I'm going to do actions Ieat, have frivolous conversations,
00:16:20 --> 00:16:27
Sparco conversations with women inorder to validate that, right, and
00:16:27 --> 00:16:33
if I'm in a situation that I'm nothappy in, I eat my marriage, then
00:16:33 --> 00:16:38
that may lead me to wanting to soif my wife, for example, has an
00:16:38 --> 00:16:44
anger management issue, a jealousyissue, a temperament issue, and
00:16:44 --> 00:16:49
she does things that I interpretin an unhealthy way, which is
00:16:49 --> 00:16:54
challenging to my sense ofmanhood. Then Then I go out and I
00:16:54 --> 00:17:01
try to reaffirm my manhood throughunhelpful behaviors, right? Versus
00:17:01 --> 00:17:04
really taking a healthyunderstanding of the situation and
00:17:04 --> 00:17:07
say, you know, this is just herfallibility. Her fallibility is
00:17:07 --> 00:17:12
anger management issues. It's itmeans nothing about me as a man.
00:17:14 --> 00:17:15
All right, does that make sense?
00:17:17 --> 00:17:22
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.It makes sense. Guys, I don't know
00:17:22 --> 00:17:24
about you, but I think thatbrother Nasir should have his own
00:17:24 --> 00:17:27
show. What do you guys think? Ifyou think about the master should
00:17:27 --> 00:17:32
have his own live call in showwhere people can ask him questions
00:17:32 --> 00:17:37
and present scenarios and getfeedback and get an analysis and
00:17:37 --> 00:17:43
get a breakdown. Put Nasser's showin the chat Okay, I just want to
00:17:43 --> 00:17:47
take a take the temperature of theroom insha Allah because yeah,
00:17:47 --> 00:17:52
it's it's it's at a much deeperlevels and then you know, then we
00:17:52 --> 00:17:54
used to see in contents Pamela
00:17:55 --> 00:17:59
Yeah, does that qualify for thatso guys put Narcissus show in the
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01
in the chat if you think that heshould have a show of his own
00:18:02 --> 00:18:06
where you guys can attend live andhe can answer your questions and
00:18:06 --> 00:18:09
you guys can discuss all of thisstuff which I can see everyone is
00:18:09 --> 00:18:12
mashallah so interested in Iwouldn't do not want to pass
00:18:12 --> 00:18:15
without acknowledging this superchat because I can offer and
00:18:15 --> 00:18:19
traveller says keep inspiring thesisters and brothers we need no
00:18:19 --> 00:18:23
more names in this world pleaseGod better than name is in this
00:18:23 --> 00:18:27
world in sha Allah. Allahhamdulillah alright guys, let us
00:18:27 --> 00:18:31
jump in now. We've got somealready the chat is very, very
00:18:31 --> 00:18:35
interesting. Some interestingthings being said in here. I do
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38
not want us to get sidetrackedtoday because that is usually what
00:18:38 --> 00:18:42
happens right? We start respondingto the comments and then next
00:18:42 --> 00:18:46
thing you know, we're on somewhereelse. So let us start with the
00:18:46 --> 00:18:47
first
00:18:48 --> 00:18:53
the first point the first topic,right I'm gonna put that up all
00:18:53 --> 00:18:59
the topics today have been takenfrom our the comments section.
00:18:59 --> 00:19:04
Okay, so my comments sectionunderneath my videos underneath my
00:19:04 --> 00:19:07
posts, but all the topics fortoday have been
00:19:08 --> 00:19:11
have been taken from there. Okay.Mashallah. So you can see in the
00:19:11 --> 00:19:14
chat people are definitelydefinitely like yes, yes, yes,
00:19:14 --> 00:19:19
this should happen. Masha Allah,so ASAP, apparently. So this is
00:19:19 --> 00:19:25
good. So, um, the link is in thechat guys, for you to come on, and
00:19:25 --> 00:19:29
either agree or disagree. Allright. It's a debate. So you need
00:19:29 --> 00:19:34
to pick a side. Okay, and you needto stay focused on the topic. This
00:19:34 --> 00:19:37
was a statement that was made inresponse to some of the shows that
00:19:37 --> 00:19:41
we did. And we want to see whetheryou guys agree or disagree. And
00:19:42 --> 00:19:46
basically, that's the word I'mlooking for. Justify your
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49
position. Okay, brother Nasser,I'm going to hand it to you in sha
00:19:49 --> 00:19:49
Allah.
00:19:51 --> 00:19:57
Topic One polygyny, I'm sorry,polygamy today is an excuse for
00:19:57 --> 00:19:59
brothers to satisfy their lust for
00:20:00 --> 00:20:01
Oh urges
00:20:03 --> 00:20:03
could be.
00:20:05 --> 00:20:05
And
00:20:11 --> 00:20:12
all right, because the next topicYeah.
00:20:15 --> 00:20:17
And yeah, no,
00:20:18 --> 00:20:22
no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let'ssee the end was so what do you
00:20:22 --> 00:20:24
think the commenter meant whenthey said that?
00:20:26 --> 00:20:27
Oh, it's a dis.
00:20:29 --> 00:20:33
Okay. Okay, it's a dis meant tobe.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:40
So your so your husband haslustful desires and he's choosing
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43
to partake in it and that halaumanner
00:20:46 --> 00:20:47
what are we talking about?
00:20:50 --> 00:20:53
I think what in the comments pushback? What are we doing?
00:20:55 --> 00:20:58
Let's hear what the people say.Let's add them to the stream and
00:20:58 --> 00:20:58
see.
00:21:00 --> 00:21:04
Let's go guys. Okay, what have yougot Medina to what do you have?
00:21:04 --> 00:21:09
Brother Nasir says so what? If andif that's the case, so what was
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10
wrong with that? What say you?
00:21:13 --> 00:21:14
Either one of you can stop.
00:21:16 --> 00:21:18
Somebody who says you need tounmute your mic.
00:21:19 --> 00:21:22
So okay, let's see what thecomments are saying. I see one
00:21:22 --> 00:21:27
comment that I think needs to beaddress. And this is important.
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29
This is important.
00:21:31 --> 00:21:34
I am I think as a sister, I couldbe wrong. It could be a brother,
00:21:34 --> 00:21:38
it's what marriages are there forsatisfying our lust.
00:21:40 --> 00:21:41
Is that good?
00:21:42 --> 00:21:47
Yeah. Is that what I said? See,this is this is where this is
00:21:47 --> 00:21:52
where the conversation oftenbreaks down. Because we bring to
00:21:52 --> 00:21:59
the conversation, our own historyand biases. I think this person is
00:21:59 --> 00:22:06
saying what to the topic and beinglike what marriage is there for
00:22:06 --> 00:22:10
satisfying? Your last Is thatcorrect? Am I don't want to Yeah,
00:22:10 --> 00:22:13
that's that's what they mean,because this is the follow up. So
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13
this is the final one.
00:22:15 --> 00:22:19
Okay, so Abu there says that heagrees with the topic with that
00:22:19 --> 00:22:23
particular statement. MB says Idon't think it's an excuse. It's a
00:22:23 --> 00:22:29
need. Uriah says that's the wholepoint. And I will talk with Dean
00:22:29 --> 00:22:31
says, even if he does, he has todeal with all the responsibilities
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32
that comes with it.
00:22:34 --> 00:22:39
Why take heed or ytk says nothingwrong with satisfying urges. As
00:22:39 --> 00:22:42
long as it's done lawfully. What Ihave seen is affairs that become
00:22:42 --> 00:22:47
secondary just now that's anotherthing. That is another thing for
00:22:47 --> 00:22:51
sure. So we definitely need tocome back to that. I could point
00:22:51 --> 00:22:51
though.
00:22:57 --> 00:23:00
I think another question, which isnot the question that was asked
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01
is, is that worth it?
00:23:03 --> 00:23:07
Alright, that that would be thequestion that I would ask a
00:23:07 --> 00:23:12
brother. Is that worth it? Yeah,it's okay. You can get married to
00:23:12 --> 00:23:15
satisfy your local desires. ButBut I don't know if that's worth
00:23:15 --> 00:23:20
it. If that's all you're gettingout of this deal. So that's why I
00:23:20 --> 00:23:24
would nudge us you know, just thecommunity when we have this
00:23:24 --> 00:23:27
conversation about polygyny, Ithink we need to
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31
have a deeper conversation and notjust stay on the surface.
00:23:34 --> 00:23:38
What I Medina too, if you areready to speak please on mic,
00:23:38 --> 00:23:43
unmute your mic inshallah ratheravoid tacky Dina's here before I
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47
bring him on. I think for me, thereason I chose this statement is
00:23:47 --> 00:23:51
because it was one of those kindof sign language comments, which
00:23:51 --> 00:23:57
was like a shaming tactic. Right?As in, that's all they want it
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00
for. They're just beastsbasically, you know what men are
00:24:00 --> 00:24:02
like that kind of thing.
00:24:03 --> 00:24:08
So, on the one hand, as manypeople are saying that is a
00:24:08 --> 00:24:12
legitimate reason to get married,right? It's a legitimate reason to
00:24:12 --> 00:24:17
get married and some legitimatebenefits of being married. But
00:24:17 --> 00:24:21
moving on from that obviouslywe're having a conversation now
00:24:21 --> 00:24:25
about okay, well if that's allit's about, is it worth it? And I
00:24:25 --> 00:24:29
think that there is something tobe said for you know, if you were
00:24:29 --> 00:24:33
only marrying for that you'reprobably not looking to take on
00:24:33 --> 00:24:37
the full responsibility with thechildren and all of that stuff.
00:24:37 --> 00:24:40
It's more like a you know,negotiated settlement type of
00:24:40 --> 00:24:45
situation but that's that's whatI'm seeing about Akkadian and
00:24:45 --> 00:24:48
Medina to what say you have allwhat what are your thoughts on
00:24:48 --> 00:24:48
this?
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50
Sure, slowly ago
00:24:54 --> 00:24:59
I've met quite a lot of lovers whohave done the multiple marriage
00:24:59 --> 00:24:59
thing sometimes you see
00:25:00 --> 00:25:03
quit and never think. And Igenuinely feel that people making
00:25:03 --> 00:25:07
a lot of excuses of why as a manhaving, you know this whole
00:25:07 --> 00:25:11
lustful thing and, you know, hejust likes being women.
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15
And I think they're not giving itcredibility that forgetting that
00:25:15 --> 00:25:19
that is a man. And that is, hewill he liked you once upon a time
00:25:19 --> 00:25:22
ago. And he we will probably likeother people. But a lot of the
00:25:22 --> 00:25:25
people they take theirresponsibility on at the same
00:25:25 --> 00:25:30
time, I think a lot of men may notunderstand the responsibility, and
00:25:30 --> 00:25:33
the headache that could come withit. But it's better to do it in a
00:25:33 --> 00:25:38
halal way than doing it in ahorrible way which from, and I
00:25:38 --> 00:25:41
think a lot of sisters don'tunderstand that guys know what
00:25:41 --> 00:25:45
other guys are up to. And thesystem might not know or might not
00:25:45 --> 00:25:49
want to believe that a man mightbe seen another girl, or chatting
00:25:49 --> 00:25:53
up to another girl. And itsometimes leads to Zina because
00:25:53 --> 00:25:56
they've been pushed away from theidea of marriage. They don't want
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59
to have a divorce and all thatkind of stuff. And then sometimes
00:26:00 --> 00:26:03
his sister, or family members, orwhatever it is, could be pushing a
00:26:03 --> 00:26:06
man to go and do his inner becausesometimes he's open in a society
00:26:06 --> 00:26:11
that we live in today. They'reopen to so much stuff. It's
00:26:11 --> 00:26:15
unbelievable. And when they young,especially in the mid 20s, there
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19
is they may not have that strengthand that taqwa and everything. But
00:26:19 --> 00:26:22
if we are always pushing the idea,like if you do like somebody, go
00:26:22 --> 00:26:26
ahead and get married, just makesure everything's nice legitime
00:26:26 --> 00:26:30
that a would help one ancestor.And I think for sisters, if your
00:26:30 --> 00:26:34
goal is first for Allah, and toreach Jana, and make that your
00:26:34 --> 00:26:37
number one priority, all thisstuff is secondary, and it
00:26:37 --> 00:26:40
wouldn't bother you as much but ifyou put your man number one,
00:26:40 --> 00:26:43
that's where there's going to belots of problems in my opinion.
00:26:44 --> 00:26:46
And I think it's always importantto have everybody puts a love
00:26:46 --> 00:26:50
first this whole dynamic willchange.
00:26:52 --> 00:26:55
Because I feel affair. Yeah. Ilove that. Mashallah, there's
00:26:55 --> 00:26:58
there's a lot to unpack there,isn't there? Because, you know,
00:26:58 --> 00:27:02
we've had this conversation in thecomments and in previous calls
00:27:02 --> 00:27:06
where, you know, there are womenslash wives who would say I would
00:27:06 --> 00:27:10
rather that he cheats, I would, Iwould rather that he cheats. He
00:27:10 --> 00:27:13
have an affair. I don't knowanything about it, than him
00:27:13 --> 00:27:18
legitimately take on somebody whowill really let's call it what it
00:27:18 --> 00:27:23
is, who will have my status,right, who will be seen as similar
00:27:23 --> 00:27:28
to me in terms of her place in thefamily, her place in his life,
00:27:28 --> 00:27:31
potentially her place in hisheart? I think a lot of women
00:27:31 --> 00:27:34
really struggle with that. Andthat's the reason why they're
00:27:34 --> 00:27:38
like, you know, what, if you'regoing to do it, just just I'd
00:27:38 --> 00:27:41
rather that you just did haram,then put me in a position where
00:27:41 --> 00:27:47
now I have to adjust based on youron your based on your decisions? I
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47
don't know.
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52
Okay, we'll just just apologies,just one point with that.
00:27:54 --> 00:27:57
system. And that, and that, Ithink, you know, I would say
00:27:57 --> 00:28:04
that's the demand. Right. So fromthe from the coaching lens, the
00:28:04 --> 00:28:10
demand here is that I must benumber one. Right. And I must be
00:28:10 --> 00:28:14
the only right, and the extremebelief here that then produces the
00:28:14 --> 00:28:21
fear is the is the fear of losingwhat I have the fear of losing the
00:28:21 --> 00:28:28
status that I have. Right? So sofor the sister with that, that
00:28:28 --> 00:28:31
would be the thing to work on workon the demand on letting go of the
00:28:31 --> 00:28:36
demand that you must be numberone, and that you must be the only
00:28:36 --> 00:28:40
because the reality is, you don'tknow that you always will be
00:28:41 --> 00:28:44
the man that ought to be able todemonstrate that to the wife to
00:28:44 --> 00:28:48
show you that he does love her andcare for her. And he will still be
00:28:48 --> 00:28:54
able to treat her equally andeverything and be able to gently
00:28:54 --> 00:28:57
bring this as an approach beforechucking somebody that deep and
00:28:57 --> 00:29:01
nothing how I think sometimes mencan be right but how do you handle
00:29:01 --> 00:29:03
it is very crucial.
00:29:05 --> 00:29:08
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed BarakaLuffy. Thank you.
00:29:10 --> 00:29:13
I completely agree with mybrother. One adjustment, I would
00:29:13 --> 00:29:17
say to maybe what I said is justto be clear, one of the demands is
00:29:17 --> 00:29:19
that I must be the only one.
00:29:21 --> 00:29:25
And that's something regardless ofwhat you put in, because he
00:29:25 --> 00:29:29
underneath that, if we're reallyunpacking it. And I've said this
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30
before,
00:29:31 --> 00:29:35
we have to go let go this subtledemand for certainty,
00:29:36 --> 00:29:40
this subtle guarantee that we wantin life. And the reality is the
00:29:40 --> 00:29:45
only guarantees we have is thatone, you know, we're going to die
00:29:45 --> 00:29:49
at some point. And two, we'regoing to face our Lord and that
00:29:49 --> 00:29:52
Allah is just and if you'reAmerican, that you're going to pay
00:29:52 --> 00:29:57
taxes, other than that ain't noguarantees in this world. And even
00:29:57 --> 00:30:00
if you have in your contract thatyour husband has no
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02
We're going to take another wave,which we're going to talk about
00:30:02 --> 00:30:06
later, which we're going to talkabout later in Sharla. Medina to
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09
was making a really good pointbehind the scenes says, Do you
00:30:09 --> 00:30:13
want to unmute like to unmute andsay what you said in the comments.
00:30:13 --> 00:30:17
Oh, I try family caller has loveit okay to do while EcoSense
00:30:17 --> 00:30:22
America to go ahead, sis. So yeah,I'm sorry, again, because I'm
00:30:22 --> 00:30:25
French. So my English is not thatgood. But I was
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27
like,
00:30:28 --> 00:30:32
Wait a second, you French brothersand sisters, which was emoji was
00:30:32 --> 00:30:32
then
00:30:34 --> 00:30:36
you will love me to
00:30:37 --> 00:30:38
come on here and say,
00:30:39 --> 00:30:43
My English is not so good. Andthen give me like one long thing.
00:30:46 --> 00:30:51
Yeah, so I was saying that I agreewith what Robin? I should say
00:30:51 --> 00:30:57
previously about the fact thatyes, if a man of urges what's the
00:30:57 --> 00:31:01
point was the matter? And I trulythink that as a woman, it's not
00:31:01 --> 00:31:09
very agreeable to, to think thatwe might marry a man who can keep
00:31:10 --> 00:31:15
his finger in his pants, right? Imean, when I hear when I when I
00:31:15 --> 00:31:18
hear that the man I've heard isI'm like, okay, so you might take
00:31:18 --> 00:31:20
a second wife, but maybe you willtake
00:31:21 --> 00:31:23
a third and maybe a fourth. So
00:31:24 --> 00:31:28
I'm not married, actually. Somaybe it's the story that I'm
00:31:28 --> 00:31:32
talking about? Um, I have in myhead has Robin, as he said, but it
00:31:32 --> 00:31:36
can be scary. I mean, because Imight think that I will never be
00:31:36 --> 00:31:41
enough because it's if his firstwife hasn't been enough, then why
00:31:41 --> 00:31:45
would I be enough? I don't know ifthat makes sense. But
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47
just one last thing.
00:31:49 --> 00:31:54
I didn't see myself in thepolygyny marriage, but I guess
00:31:54 --> 00:32:01
that was when I was younger. NowI'm 37. So I'm reconsidering the
00:32:01 --> 00:32:04
things because as Robin SP oncesaid,
00:32:05 --> 00:32:10
age is a is leverage. And my ageis under leverage anymore. And we
00:32:10 --> 00:32:16
have to accept it as as a woman.And I accept it. Alhamdulillah. So
00:32:16 --> 00:32:20
now I'm considering polygyny. ButI am still afraid about men who
00:32:20 --> 00:32:24
have urges. That's it. That's whatmy bones I, you know what says I'm
00:32:24 --> 00:32:28
going to jump in and agree withyou. Because I am sorry, guys, if
00:32:28 --> 00:32:31
this upsets anybody, we're nothere shaming men for having those
00:32:31 --> 00:32:32
urges.
00:32:33 --> 00:32:37
But I do think that as a woman,especially a woman who would want
00:32:37 --> 00:32:42
somebody who is in it for morethan just a thrill, if that is
00:32:42 --> 00:32:46
what he's driven by that that isthe sole like that's the driving
00:32:46 --> 00:32:51
force. That is a red flag. For me.That's my personal view on it. And
00:32:51 --> 00:32:55
I remember saying this on Mondayschannel, that the marriage is
00:32:55 --> 00:32:58
especially secondary, and youknow, kind of subsequent marriages
00:32:58 --> 00:33:04
that are based on desire andfulfilling desire only from what
00:33:04 --> 00:33:07
my analysis is that thosemarriages have a higher chance of
00:33:07 --> 00:33:11
breaking down. Because once thedesire is fulfilled, and real life
00:33:11 --> 00:33:15
starts to encroach. It's notreally what you signed up for.
00:33:15 --> 00:33:17
Because that's not what it wasabout in the first place. It
00:33:17 --> 00:33:21
wasn't about building, it wasn'tabout investing. It wasn't really
00:33:21 --> 00:33:25
even about Africa, per se, in thesense of building something for
00:33:25 --> 00:33:29
the Africa. Maybe you just wantedto avoid something like Xena, for
00:33:29 --> 00:33:32
example. Or you just you justliked it. You just liked it and
00:33:32 --> 00:33:36
you wanted it or you felt I needto relieve this pressure now,
00:33:36 --> 00:33:40
which is fine. But once it'srelieved, what happens? Because
00:33:40 --> 00:33:43
now real life comes inresponsibilities, difficulties
00:33:43 --> 00:33:47
between the spouses, blah, blah,blah. And those are the guys that
00:33:47 --> 00:33:51
tend to bounce. So that's whatI've seen. I could be wrong guys
00:33:51 --> 00:33:55
open to be corrected. What do youthink about a couple of things?
00:33:56 --> 00:34:01
One says, I think, look, like Ialways say the male's perspective
00:34:01 --> 00:34:04
is the best and right and onlyperspective. So I appreciate you
00:34:04 --> 00:34:08
acknowledging Allah and HisMessenger is the best and only
00:34:08 --> 00:34:09
thank you very much.
00:34:10 --> 00:34:13
A distant fourth is the maleperspective, which is the best
00:34:13 --> 00:34:17
perspective, the only perspective.So what I what I would say is and
00:34:17 --> 00:34:20
seriousness, although I am seriousabout the male perspective, but to
00:34:20 --> 00:34:24
be serious, what I would say isyou I appreciate the fact that you
00:34:24 --> 00:34:28
acknowledge that sis in terms ofyour age, no longer being leverage
00:34:28 --> 00:34:31
and making the adjustment. That issomething that I strongly
00:34:31 --> 00:34:35
encourage sisters to do. Theearlier you can make that
00:34:35 --> 00:34:40
adjustment, the better. Right? Thereality that once you know within
00:34:40 --> 00:34:44
the Muslim community, the wall isaround 2930.
00:34:45 --> 00:34:53
Acknowledge that and be open tooptions post 30 or earlier, be
00:34:53 --> 00:34:57
open to options that are qualityoptions. Right. So that's one
00:34:57 --> 00:34:59
point and the second point issomething that I think you
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02
We talked about on the lastepisode,
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04
where we talked about
00:35:05 --> 00:35:08
wives feeling like they have to beenough.
00:35:09 --> 00:35:14
Agent has come up. Yeah. Andthat's, I would say, again.
00:35:16 --> 00:35:20
You know, as a coach, the thingthat comes my mind is, that's an
00:35:20 --> 00:35:24
unrealistic demand that you'replacing on yourself. The reality
00:35:24 --> 00:35:27
is, you're not going to beeverything to your husband.
00:35:28 --> 00:35:31
That's just a reality. And yourhusband is not going to be
00:35:31 --> 00:35:35
everything to you. Right? There'ssome things that he's going to be
00:35:35 --> 00:35:39
exceptionally great ad and he tookchecks off certain boxes, but then
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42
there's gonna be some things thathe doesn't. Right. And that's
00:35:42 --> 00:35:45
that, those that's the part of
00:35:47 --> 00:35:51
accepting, tolerating the thingsthat may not be
00:35:52 --> 00:35:56
sufficient for you. But theyaren't deal breakers, right? So I
00:35:56 --> 00:36:01
would say, to both brothers andsisters, don't don't burden
00:36:01 --> 00:36:06
yourself with this belief that youhave to be, quote unquote, enough
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08
for your husband,
00:36:09 --> 00:36:14
or your spouse rather than that.We're fallible human beings. And
00:36:14 --> 00:36:17
we know that from our dean, but wealso know that from CBT, the
00:36:17 --> 00:36:20
reality is, we're all falliblehuman beings. So we are going to
00:36:20 --> 00:36:24
fall short. You're not going to beable to be everything for your
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24
spouse.
00:36:26 --> 00:36:31
100% agreed. And I just wanted tofocus for a second on this guy,
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32
sorry, especially for the otherway.
00:36:33 --> 00:36:37
This issue of like lustfuldesires, right? We all know that
00:36:37 --> 00:36:42
there's a pipeline. Okay, there iswhat is natural in the creation of
00:36:42 --> 00:36:46
the human man and woman. We talkedabout this on the live on
00:36:46 --> 00:36:49
Wednesday night when we weretalking about * addiction, is
00:36:49 --> 00:36:52
that there is a natural desire,right? That's just innate is
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53
recreated with it.
00:36:54 --> 00:36:58
But that desire can be stimulated,it can be heightened, it can be
00:36:58 --> 00:37:04
exaggerated, it also can be actedon step by step. We know this,
00:37:04 --> 00:37:06
right? That's why Allah subhanawtaala says, let a couples dinner,
00:37:06 --> 00:37:10
do not come close, do not approachit. Right? Because there are
00:37:10 --> 00:37:13
footsteps. There's like a, there'sa like a garden path if you like
00:37:13 --> 00:37:18
that you go down. So for all thebrothers and the sisters out
00:37:18 --> 00:37:23
there, your goal is to keepyourself chaste. Right? Keep
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24
yourself in * Allah.
00:37:25 --> 00:37:32
I'm having the natural desire, andthen allowing that natural desire
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36
to be stimulated in the wrong wayor to be you know, to be to be
00:37:36 --> 00:37:39
worked on the wrong way.Basically, putting yourself in
00:37:39 --> 00:37:43
situations where you are alone,with the opposite gender, where
00:37:43 --> 00:37:46
you develop a relationship withyou know, someone from the
00:37:46 --> 00:37:50
opposite gender, when you start tobecome emotionally entangled with
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53
someone of the opposite gender,where you allow a touch where you
00:37:53 --> 00:37:57
just stand like that, then that'sall like bread crumbing all the
00:37:57 --> 00:38:00
way. Then you get to a point whereyou're like, Oh, my God, man, I
00:38:00 --> 00:38:03
need to get married now, becausethis is where we're at.
00:38:04 --> 00:38:07
Let's just bear in mind, let'stake responsibility for the fact
00:38:07 --> 00:38:11
that this could have been avoidedif we had been more careful with
00:38:11 --> 00:38:14
lowering our gaze with not mixingand all of the things that the
00:38:14 --> 00:38:18
Dean actually tells us. So let'snot forget that guys, because in
00:38:18 --> 00:38:23
general, we No, of course, life isnot ideal. But we have been given
00:38:23 --> 00:38:27
tools to not put ourselves indifficult situations where we have
00:38:27 --> 00:38:32
to, you know, where we're havingto take these types of decisions,
00:38:32 --> 00:38:36
because we've allowed it to gothat far. I want to make that
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36
point
00:38:38 --> 00:38:41
of a flan. What's your take on thetopic?
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44
Salam Alikum
00:38:47 --> 00:38:50
How you guys doing hamdulillahhamdulillah
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54
the topic polygamy today's anexcuse for brothers to satisfy
00:38:54 --> 00:38:59
their lust for urges the sister,Nyima Allama, Vedic she she made a
00:38:59 --> 00:39:04
good point, if a person isn'tlowering their gazes, then that
00:39:04 --> 00:39:09
their their natural urges arealready being heightened, you know
00:39:09 --> 00:39:14
what I mean? Then a person willend up making the claim that they
00:39:14 --> 00:39:18
need a second or third or fourth,you know, spouse, I am of the
00:39:18 --> 00:39:20
opinion that if a man
00:39:21 --> 00:39:27
has high libido or has a naturalnaturally high drive, that then he
00:39:27 --> 00:39:32
should try to find a Janipermissible outlet for that. You
00:39:32 --> 00:39:33
know what I mean?
00:39:34 --> 00:39:39
The PBS sister she made astatement. I think the brother
00:39:39 --> 00:39:43
touched on that a little bit. Hesaid so she said that. I'm afraid
00:39:43 --> 00:39:46
that I won't be enough for myhusband and I thought that was a
00:39:46 --> 00:39:50
bit just I just wanted to touchupon that a little bit. And
00:39:50 --> 00:39:52
mashallah, the brother talkedabout it as well.
00:39:54 --> 00:39:57
You can never be enough for aperson. This is younger than this
00:39:57 --> 00:40:00
dunya you know, just that mindsetwe need to correct
00:40:00 --> 00:40:04
And a man doesn't get married tomost the time he doesn't get
00:40:04 --> 00:40:07
married to another woman becauseof the fact that his first wife
00:40:07 --> 00:40:08
does not enough.
00:40:09 --> 00:40:11
You know, and this is somethingthat men understand themselves.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:16
Most of the time men get marriedfor other reasons whether it's the
00:40:16 --> 00:40:20
fact that he naturally does needanother, you know another woman,
00:40:21 --> 00:40:24
you know what I mean? Plus how howmuch woman there are
00:40:25 --> 00:40:28
the fact that there's a lot ofsingle sisters right now going on.
00:40:29 --> 00:40:32
But um, yeah, that's my take onthat. Brother. I want to ask you a
00:40:32 --> 00:40:36
question if you don't mind. I'mreally really curious about this.
00:40:37 --> 00:40:44
Guys, I need us to keep itliterally a buck like 100% with us
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45
the sisters.
00:40:46 --> 00:40:52
Brothers, honestly, in their quietmoments, think to themselves,
00:40:53 --> 00:40:56
there's so many good sisters outthere Mashallah. Single sisters,
00:40:56 --> 00:41:00
older sisters, divorced or singlemother widows, whatever. I should
00:41:00 --> 00:41:03
marry one of them. That would be avery good thing for my aesthetic.
00:41:04 --> 00:41:08
Is that real? Or is that really athought process? I want to hear
00:41:08 --> 00:41:12
from you about freelance. I willheadings here as well. Brother
00:41:12 --> 00:41:15
Nasir is here. What you guys allon the spot? And we've got the
00:41:15 --> 00:41:20
brothers in the chat. And we wewant to note ever the thought
00:41:20 --> 00:41:22
process or is that just some madeup stuff?
00:41:23 --> 00:41:29
Okay. This, this is a real thing.But it's quality men who think
00:41:29 --> 00:41:32
this way though. That's the thing.That's that's the that's the line
00:41:32 --> 00:41:37
that separates well quality menwho think community in think in
00:41:37 --> 00:41:42
terms of community think in termsof helping the Ummah, these type
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43
of men? Yes, they do think likethat.
00:41:44 --> 00:41:47
Between our friends, you know,between my friend group, we talked
00:41:47 --> 00:41:50
about, you know, if we die, Iwould like for you to marry my my
00:41:50 --> 00:41:53
wife, we speak on terms like that,but a lot of men are immature,
00:41:53 --> 00:41:57
they can have conversations likethis. It also depends on
00:41:58 --> 00:42:00
the quality of the man
00:42:01 --> 00:42:06
is able to have theseconversations. And this is
00:42:06 --> 00:42:09
something that, you know, thatneeds to happen. You know, I
00:42:09 --> 00:42:13
really believe to be honest thatthe man is going to get a second
00:42:13 --> 00:42:13
wife.
00:42:14 --> 00:42:17
And a lot of a lot of men mightdisagree, but I believe that men
00:42:17 --> 00:42:20
should get married to a womanwho's a bit older, because she
00:42:20 --> 00:42:24
hasn't she hasn't found a husbandyet or she's divorced, or a single
00:42:24 --> 00:42:24
mother.
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27
There's no problem if a man getsmarried to a girl who's never been
00:42:27 --> 00:42:31
married before, or a young girl,but at the same time, I really
00:42:31 --> 00:42:35
think that it would be moreuseful. It'd be more useful if a
00:42:35 --> 00:42:39
man gets married to a woman who'solder. And yes, men do think like
00:42:39 --> 00:42:42
this, but it depends on the man orthe quality.
00:42:43 --> 00:42:47
Coffee, we appreciate your candorbrother, and I'm just highlighting
00:42:47 --> 00:42:52
comments from the chat. BrotherNasser, what do you say? Is this?
00:42:52 --> 00:42:56
Is this some fairy tale thinking?Is this is it? Have you heard
00:42:56 --> 00:42:59
these conversations with your ownears? What's the story?
00:43:01 --> 00:43:04
No, I think it's absolutely real.And I think I think that brother
00:43:06 --> 00:43:10
was exactly right. It depends onthe quality of demand. Right?
00:43:10 --> 00:43:15
Because and quality of the men isis it begins with the quality of
00:43:15 --> 00:43:20
his thinking his thoughts. Right.And that's a high caliber way of
00:43:20 --> 00:43:25
thinking, right, in terms of notlooking at just self, but also
00:43:25 --> 00:43:31
looking at the macro level of theummah. And I think most brothers
00:43:31 --> 00:43:36
in most, I think most brothers,let me not say most, I think
00:43:36 --> 00:43:41
oftentimes brothers come acrosssisters, who definitely could
00:43:41 --> 00:43:46
benefit from being a second wife.Right? Who are it's not just an
00:43:46 --> 00:43:52
attraction thing. It's really thisis in a bad situation. Right? So I
00:43:52 --> 00:43:55
think I think if you speak to alot of brothers, you'll hear that.
00:43:56 --> 00:43:59
So no, it's not a fantasy thing.But I think the thing that
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00
separates
00:44:02 --> 00:44:06
that so another question thatcould be added to that is,
00:44:07 --> 00:44:10
then why why did they not do it?And I think what quality brothers
00:44:10 --> 00:44:14
what happens is, it's not thatthey don't think of taking a
00:44:14 --> 00:44:18
second wife, and it's not thatthey don't see a sister that could
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21
benefit from being their wife.It's that they really take an
00:44:21 --> 00:44:25
honest, responsible assessment ofcan they really do it?
00:44:26 --> 00:44:30
Right, and then they decide, youknow, what, as much as I think I
00:44:30 --> 00:44:33
want to do this, and she wouldbenefit from this, and my family
00:44:33 --> 00:44:37
can handle it. I know right nowI'm not in a position to do it. So
00:44:37 --> 00:44:41
a quality brother will pull back.Whereas maybe someone who might be
00:44:41 --> 00:44:44
a bit more reckless or not
00:44:45 --> 00:44:49
thinking correctly or in a healthyway may just go ahead and and go
00:44:49 --> 00:44:49
through it.
00:44:52 --> 00:44:56
Because Because the last thing andI'll add to this, I
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59
No one wants to add it
00:45:00 --> 00:45:04
discomfort to another woman's lifewho's already in an uncomfortable
00:45:04 --> 00:45:05
situation?
00:45:06 --> 00:45:10
Right? No one's trying to do thatwouldn't let me qualify because I
00:45:10 --> 00:45:14
know people may take it literally.Quality men aren't trying to add
00:45:14 --> 00:45:18
more discomfort to a woman'salready uncomfortable situation.
00:45:19 --> 00:45:22
So if you know you can't reallystart alleviating some of those
00:45:22 --> 00:45:26
elements, then I think yourbrother would decide not to, to do
00:45:26 --> 00:45:26
it.
00:45:27 --> 00:45:29
But the thought is definitelythere for sure.
00:45:32 --> 00:45:35
Okay, does that mean okay,Abdulhadi? Do you? Do you agree
00:45:35 --> 00:45:38
with the other brothers on thestream that this is a legitimate
00:45:39 --> 00:45:40
thing that men think about?
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46
Well, no, in your experience.
00:45:51 --> 00:45:55
We can hear you we can see. Okay,so are they cool?
00:45:58 --> 00:45:59
Yes, it is.
00:46:00 --> 00:46:07
I do agree that it is legitimate.But marriage as as an institution
00:46:07 --> 00:46:14
is bigger than being a lustful,just Elos full team that you do as
00:46:14 --> 00:46:18
ference, and again, like it'ssaying says, people we know that
00:46:18 --> 00:46:23
the beautiful ones I know yetborn, so you even if you reach
00:46:23 --> 00:46:28
your maximal threshold, within theorbital will you want to have will
00:46:28 --> 00:46:32
you continuously to that was thesisters and keep adding, what kind
00:46:32 --> 00:46:36
of society are we going to createwill create a bunch of broken
00:46:36 --> 00:46:42
women, and that is not really agood thing. So but it's not an
00:46:42 --> 00:46:46
excuse again, for in the other wayfor the sisters to identify the
00:46:46 --> 00:46:51
brothers to think maybe thebrothers are OBUS overstepping the
00:46:51 --> 00:46:58
boundaries, but is for us to takeownership by being by by by
00:46:58 --> 00:47:01
ensuring that we know that is youcan be possible, sometimes
00:47:01 --> 00:47:06
naturally it happens. But you mustbe able to control yourself must
00:47:06 --> 00:47:12
be able not to allow for that notto take yourself to those kinds of
00:47:12 --> 00:47:16
situations so that you know thatis you, you can stay within the
00:47:16 --> 00:47:21
line. And you can only get marriedto whoever you want to have a long
00:47:21 --> 00:47:26
term relationship, maybe withoutgetting killed off. That was all
00:47:26 --> 00:47:30
not wanting that person. That ismy opinion. Thank you.
00:47:31 --> 00:47:33
Or coffee? Thank you so much forthat.
00:47:34 --> 00:47:37
Yeah, I think, again, you know,this is
00:47:38 --> 00:47:43
the way that I see brothers outthere. And we've talked about this
00:47:43 --> 00:47:46
on the channel before that, youknow, sisters in general, women in
00:47:46 --> 00:47:50
general are looking for a leader,right, a man who who will lead,
00:47:50 --> 00:47:55
right, who has a vision, who theycan get behind who will look after
00:47:55 --> 00:47:59
them. And you know, yeah, who willwho will who will be that rock for
00:47:59 --> 00:48:07
them. And I think a man who has aleader mindset is strategic.
00:48:09 --> 00:48:13
A strategic right. And marryingaccording to your last is not
00:48:13 --> 00:48:17
strategic. It's, it's it'sreckless, right. It's a bit
00:48:17 --> 00:48:20
careless. Still, you know, and
00:48:21 --> 00:48:26
that's not a quality, I think thatwe should be encouraging, although
00:48:26 --> 00:48:31
we understand it can happen,right. But I don't think it's a
00:48:31 --> 00:48:35
quality or a characteristic thatwe should be encouraging. And kind
00:48:35 --> 00:48:38
of, I don't know whether it'smaking excuses for whatever, but I
00:48:38 --> 00:48:41
don't think it's something that isencouraging because it's not
00:48:42 --> 00:48:45
benefiting the stability of thecommunity. Because another thing
00:48:45 --> 00:48:48
that we've been talking about alot on this channel is the need
00:48:48 --> 00:48:53
for stable families. Right. Andeveryone's role, the part that
00:48:53 --> 00:48:58
everyone plays in the stability ofthe family, the man has a role to
00:48:58 --> 00:49:01
play, and the woman has a role toplay. And in this case, the women
00:49:01 --> 00:49:05
have a role to play in thestability of the family and the
00:49:05 --> 00:49:09
stability of the Muslim family andthe Muslim family home. So I do
00:49:09 --> 00:49:14
think that, you know, I've saidthis before openly on other
00:49:14 --> 00:49:18
platforms, you know, okay, don'tgo to the haram. Hallelujah better
00:49:18 --> 00:49:22
than haram. But that type ofmarriage, which is literally just
00:49:22 --> 00:49:27
to satisfy an urge is is is thatis a is a solution is like a it
00:49:27 --> 00:49:31
was the making the best of a badsituation. That's That's my view
00:49:31 --> 00:49:35
on it. That's my view. Okay, yeah,I think I think so.
00:49:36 --> 00:49:37
Two things.
00:49:38 --> 00:49:40
One, this comment
00:49:41 --> 00:49:42
we need to address
00:49:43 --> 00:49:49
this sister says, Nazir, why areyou always thinking so negatively
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
when it comes to older sisters inneed?
00:49:52 --> 00:49:54
Says I think you've
00:49:56 --> 00:49:59
misunderstood my comments. So Iwould appreciate if you could
00:50:00 --> 00:50:04
Put in the comments. What it isthat I said that I think
00:50:05 --> 00:50:09
is misunderstood, because I thinkif you followed any of my content,
00:50:09 --> 00:50:12
especially on one system now youmust perform.
00:50:13 --> 00:50:18
My view about older sisters is notconsistent with, I think the
00:50:18 --> 00:50:24
normative view about owsm OlderMuslim sisters. So that's one and
00:50:24 --> 00:50:25
two.
00:50:26 --> 00:50:28
My question for you would be is
00:50:29 --> 00:50:32
is there a word or a space for
00:50:34 --> 00:50:38
not discouraging, but notencouraging it? What would that
00:50:38 --> 00:50:38
be?
00:50:41 --> 00:50:42
Accepting? Oh, no, and I guess.
00:50:44 --> 00:50:46
Yeah. See, so.
00:50:47 --> 00:50:48
Yeah.
00:50:49 --> 00:50:54
Yeah, I just, I'm interested inthat. I don't know. But I'm
00:50:54 --> 00:50:54
interested in that.
00:50:56 --> 00:50:56
Because I
00:50:58 --> 00:50:58
got
00:51:01 --> 00:51:03
it for the completeness.internshala.
00:51:04 --> 00:51:05
Um,
00:51:08 --> 00:51:13
yeah, I just because I, you know,I you know, the thing is, I think
00:51:13 --> 00:51:16
we also have to always rememberthat this deen is expansive,
00:51:16 --> 00:51:17
because
00:51:19 --> 00:51:24
people are diverse, and situationsare diverse, and situations and
00:51:24 --> 00:51:27
conditions that people findthemselves in.
00:51:30 --> 00:51:32
And, yeah, as you said, you know,as we you know, we this point
00:51:32 --> 00:51:34
where I think we agree, butdisagree is that
00:51:36 --> 00:51:40
I don't think it's making theBattle of the best of a worse
00:51:40 --> 00:51:40
situation.
00:51:41 --> 00:51:46
Right. I think if someone is hasthat desire has that need, and
00:51:46 --> 00:51:50
they know that the alternative isfalling into the Haram and that's
00:51:50 --> 00:51:51
what they need.
00:51:52 --> 00:51:56
That's where they're at. I just, Ithink you and I just disagree on
00:51:56 --> 00:51:57
that piece.
00:51:58 --> 00:52:02
Fair enough. Fair enough. Thecomments are literally off the
00:52:02 --> 00:52:05
chain right now. I'm so sorry.It's a bit it's a bit distracting,
00:52:05 --> 00:52:08
because there's actually there's awhole conversation happening that
00:52:08 --> 00:52:11
which is a really important one,but I want us to try to stay to
00:52:11 --> 00:52:16
stay on task and stay on topicinshallah. Guys, I'm going to put
00:52:16 --> 00:52:23
the the link in la hora, hora. No,the sister Aisha responded, you
00:52:23 --> 00:52:28
always put an age limit on uswomen over 30 and making us feel
00:52:28 --> 00:52:29
unwanted.
00:52:34 --> 00:52:34
Releases.
00:52:37 --> 00:52:37
Really?
00:52:39 --> 00:52:45
You always put an age limit on uswomen over 30 and making us feel
00:52:45 --> 00:52:46
on one. Really?
00:52:48 --> 00:52:49
Look?
00:52:52 --> 00:52:56
Do you hear from sisters that isdifficult for them to get married
00:52:56 --> 00:53:01
post 30? Or is that only me thatsaying? Have you ever heard that
00:53:01 --> 00:53:02
from anyone else?
00:53:04 --> 00:53:07
Have you ever heard from othersisters that because it's so
00:53:07 --> 00:53:11
difficult to get married post 30After being divorced, that they
00:53:11 --> 00:53:13
may feel unwanted in thecommunity?
00:53:16 --> 00:53:20
Am I Am I creating that? Or am Iaddressing that?
00:53:21 --> 00:53:24
So because I will assume that youhaven't
00:53:27 --> 00:53:30
exactly the age limit hisbiological, not from birth? And to
00:53:30 --> 00:53:35
see exactly. So what I'm doing isI'm giving you the uncomfortable
00:53:35 --> 00:53:40
truth that unfortunately, mostsisters haven't heard. And that's
00:53:40 --> 00:53:46
the reality is that men preferoftentimes, younger women. That's
00:53:46 --> 00:53:47
just a reality.
00:53:49 --> 00:53:55
Right? That's biology. So Iencourage this is to acknowledge
00:53:55 --> 00:54:00
that make adjustments in theirlife before 30. But if they are
00:54:00 --> 00:54:05
post 30, then make adjustments aswell. Given that you're, you know,
00:54:05 --> 00:54:11
behind the wall of 30. So since Idon't want you to feel unwanted
00:54:11 --> 00:54:14
but that's your feelings and youhave to deal with those feelings
00:54:14 --> 00:54:19
that you created due to yourthinking. Don't put that on me. If
00:54:19 --> 00:54:20
that's how you feel.
00:54:22 --> 00:54:23
That's just my thoughts.
00:54:24 --> 00:54:28
I think Brother Nasir is beinghonest about the reality of women
00:54:28 --> 00:54:32
over 30 Divorce women over 30 ordivorce women over 30 with kids.
00:54:32 --> 00:54:33
Exactly.
00:54:34 --> 00:54:40
says I want if you're over 30 anda divorce or over 30 and or a
00:54:40 --> 00:54:44
divorce. I want you to win. I wantyou to get the most out of the
00:54:44 --> 00:54:47
Muslim marriage market as you canI want you to get the best deal
00:54:47 --> 00:54:48
you can get.
00:54:50 --> 00:54:53
And in order to get the best dealyou can get the first thing you
00:54:53 --> 00:54:57
need to do is accept the realityof the market. And the reality of
00:54:57 --> 00:54:59
the market is you are where
00:55:00 --> 00:55:04
Through the in the eyes of yourLord and with yourself. But in the
00:55:04 --> 00:55:07
market, your value is not what youthink it is.
00:55:10 --> 00:55:12
I hate to be the one to tell youthat.
00:55:13 --> 00:55:16
And that's not me trying to takeshots. I'm just giving you the
00:55:16 --> 00:55:21
honest assessment, Muslim marriagemarket, your value isn't what it
00:55:21 --> 00:55:26
was prior to 30. So now that youaccept that reality, what
00:55:26 --> 00:55:27
adjustments can you make?
00:55:29 --> 00:55:29
That's it.
00:55:30 --> 00:55:32
But if you don't accept thatreality,
00:55:33 --> 00:55:37
then you're going to onlyfrustrated and upset yourself,
00:55:37 --> 00:55:40
because you're going to then startthinking the market should change
00:55:40 --> 00:55:42
because you think it should.
00:55:43 --> 00:55:44
Right.
00:55:45 --> 00:55:47
But again, that's just what Ithink.
00:55:52 --> 00:55:53
Right?
00:55:54 --> 00:55:59
This question has been answered,mashallah, on the last live, so if
00:55:59 --> 00:56:01
you're interested in the answer tothis question, guys, I want to
00:56:01 --> 00:56:02
refer you to
00:56:04 --> 00:56:08
refer you to last week'sconversation, which was on a
00:56:08 --> 00:56:08
Thursday.
00:56:09 --> 00:56:11
Michelle, I think want to move on.
00:56:13 --> 00:56:16
If you don't, you don't have toadjust the noun. But I think
00:56:16 --> 00:56:20
before we go, I think theperspective you have about the
00:56:20 --> 00:56:23
dream is something that I thinksisters should hear. Because that
00:56:23 --> 00:56:27
last comment, or Muslim womentoday live in a fantasy world.
00:56:28 --> 00:56:32
They don't like to be told thetruth. I think that relates to
00:56:32 --> 00:56:35
something that you said in thepast, often, and again, maybe they
00:56:35 --> 00:56:39
don't you can address it. It'sjust the dream that a lot of
00:56:39 --> 00:56:40
sisters have.
00:56:41 --> 00:56:41
Right?
00:56:44 --> 00:56:48
You choose violence, I can tell?No, no, actually, I'm not. I'm not
00:56:48 --> 00:56:54
even in a violent mood. Today,I'm, I'm perturbed and perturbed,
00:56:54 --> 00:56:57
because I can see from thecomments that there are some
00:56:57 --> 00:57:02
sisters on here, who are attackingmy character, and
00:57:03 --> 00:57:09
feel that my position is in someway, a betrayal, of the sisterhood
00:57:11 --> 00:57:15
and a betrayal of what's in theinterests of sisters. And you
00:57:15 --> 00:57:20
know, that basically, yeah, thatI'm on some kind of agenda. And
00:57:20 --> 00:57:23
you know, at the end of the day,everybody is free to have their
00:57:23 --> 00:57:29
own opinion. Okay. And we grow andchange through life. This is
00:57:29 --> 00:57:34
normal. Yeah. And if you don'tgrow and change, as a result of,
00:57:34 --> 00:57:37
you know, your life experiencesand the lessons that you learn,
00:57:37 --> 00:57:41
then I think that you know, you,you may be missing a thing or two
00:57:41 --> 00:57:42
along the way.
00:57:46 --> 00:57:47
I think
00:57:49 --> 00:57:53
the purpose of life experiences isto
00:57:54 --> 00:58:00
teach you, right? Even the worstof your experiences are there to
00:58:00 --> 00:58:05
teach you. And if you don't learnthe lesson,
00:58:06 --> 00:58:08
what was the point of goingthrough all of that?
00:58:11 --> 00:58:14
I believe that everything thatAllah subhanaw taala brings us
00:58:14 --> 00:58:18
through is teaching us something,whether it is the point, you know,
00:58:18 --> 00:58:21
whether it was a wonderful thingthat happened or a terrible thing
00:58:21 --> 00:58:25
that's happened, whether it wasthe best decision of your life, or
00:58:25 --> 00:58:30
a huge mistake. I believe that weare here to learn from everything,
00:58:30 --> 00:58:35
right. And if we don't learn, ifwe are not open to growing and
00:58:35 --> 00:58:40
shifting our mindset, then we arewhat we are stagnant. And then we
00:58:40 --> 00:58:44
are holding on to ideas that havebeen tested in the real world and
00:58:44 --> 00:58:47
don't make sense and are notworking, right. But we that's what
00:58:47 --> 00:58:50
we choose to believe. And so wekeep holding on to that. And if
00:58:50 --> 00:58:56
that's you can do the love is allgood. And if you believe that as
00:58:56 --> 00:59:02
sisters, all we need is to bepumped up and reassured and and
00:59:02 --> 00:59:06
empowered and made to feel aparticular way about ourselves and
00:59:06 --> 00:59:09
our situation and always feelgood. And always think that we are
00:59:09 --> 00:59:13
in the right and that the rest ofthe world is to blame and that you
00:59:13 --> 00:59:16
know, any either all of this stuffthat I can see kind of coming out.
00:59:17 --> 00:59:23
That's fine. But that's not whereI'm at. I think that it's
00:59:23 --> 00:59:27
important for us to be able totell the hard truths.
00:59:28 --> 00:59:33
Now, at the end of the day, thereis no denying that everyone's idea
00:59:33 --> 00:59:39
of the truth is colored by theirpersonal experience. Right? We've
00:59:39 --> 00:59:42
talked about this before. Thereare people who when they talk
00:59:42 --> 00:59:46
about marriage, they talk about itin such a negative way.
00:59:47 --> 00:59:50
Because they've had a badexperience. All because they only
00:59:50 --> 00:59:54
ever heard bad stories, right?People who talk about step
00:59:54 --> 00:59:58
parenting in a negative waybecause they had a bad experience
00:59:58 --> 00:59:59
or because they've only ever seen
01:00:00 --> 01:00:04
In bad examples, I am not thatperson. So I'm not going to
01:00:04 --> 01:00:08
pretend to be that person. I'm nota sister who is bitter about life.
01:00:09 --> 01:00:12
I've made mistakes I've hadfantastic, you know, I've had
01:00:12 --> 01:00:15
fantastic results. I've haddreadful results. I'm a human
01:00:15 --> 01:00:20
being like everybody else here.But what I do hope to do on this
01:00:20 --> 01:00:24
journey is to learn from mymistakes, learn when things went,
01:00:24 --> 01:00:28
Well, why did they go well, whenthings didn't go? Well? What could
01:00:28 --> 01:00:31
I have done differently and all itis about Sisters is taking
01:00:32 --> 01:00:36
accountability, right? Just takingaccountability, that's all that it
01:00:36 --> 01:00:43
is. So if you don't like me, toholding myself accountable, I one
01:00:43 --> 01:00:46
sister in the comments MashaAllah, she created a whole story
01:00:46 --> 01:00:50
about my life. She said, I don'tknow what I'm talking about.
01:00:50 --> 01:00:53
Because of this, because of that.And that now I'm in this
01:00:53 --> 01:00:55
situation. And this happened, andI made this mistake. And all this
01:00:55 --> 01:00:59
stuff is complete fiction. Right?None of it is true, right? But
01:00:59 --> 01:01:05
she's told herself a story aboutme, that makes sense to her, and
01:01:05 --> 01:01:09
allows her to make sense of me andthe things that I'm saying. And
01:01:09 --> 01:01:12
for those of you in the comments,I'm not sure exactly who you
01:01:12 --> 01:01:16
thought I was before, andespecially on this topic, because
01:01:16 --> 01:01:19
if you go all the way back, sorry,I'm not going to do a whole like,
01:01:19 --> 01:01:22
you know, began about myself,right. But I feel that I need to
01:01:22 --> 01:01:27
defend my position here, right?Um, you go back all the way to
01:01:27 --> 01:01:31
from my sister's lips, which isprobably the first time that you
01:01:31 --> 01:01:35
guys heard anything about me. Whatdid I say in the chapter about
01:01:35 --> 01:01:36
polygamy?
01:01:37 --> 01:01:41
I have never spoken againstpolygamy. I have never been anti
01:01:41 --> 01:01:44
polygamy. What I have done iscalled brothers out for certain
01:01:44 --> 01:01:48
things. That's what I have done. Inever used to call sisters out.
01:01:49 --> 01:01:53
Because in my mindset, I never sawsisters doing anything wrong. I
01:01:53 --> 01:01:56
only saw it as brothers doingsomething wrong and the sisters
01:01:56 --> 01:01:59
being the victims. That's what Isaw. Because that was what was in
01:01:59 --> 01:02:03
my field of vision. I opened up myfield of vision. I saw the Hold on
01:02:03 --> 01:02:07
a minute. That's not the fullstory. There are sisters who are
01:02:07 --> 01:02:10
doing wrong and there are brotherswho are responsible there are
01:02:10 --> 01:02:13
brothers who are making the rightdecision sisters making the right
01:02:13 --> 01:02:17
decisions, and we are all humanbeings. And we're all learning.
01:02:18 --> 01:02:22
But anyway, it's cool. I'm out ofthis conversation, because we've
01:02:22 --> 01:02:27
got some more mashallah guests andhamdulillah and I want to bring up
01:02:27 --> 01:02:30
the next topic and I would like tointroduce a coach. Oh my god,
01:02:30 --> 01:02:34
guys, seriously, we've got one ofmy favorite pony families in the
01:02:34 --> 01:02:38
dunya in the house with usMashallah. It is coach and the Xia
01:02:38 --> 01:02:42
himself. I salam Wa alaykumWarahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
01:02:45 --> 01:02:46
Can't hear you, brother.
01:02:52 --> 01:02:54
Okay, from the left?
01:02:56 --> 01:02:58
Because if you know, brother,Coach Nazim has been on this
01:02:58 --> 01:03:01
channel before several times himand his two wives.
01:03:02 --> 01:03:04
Yes, we got you. Yes, and handily.
01:03:08 --> 01:03:12
Thank you so much for joining us.My pleasure. Indeed.
01:03:13 --> 01:03:16
Have you been able to listen tothe stream or been seeing what's
01:03:16 --> 01:03:17
been happening so far?
01:03:19 --> 01:03:23
Man, maybe for the last 2020minutes or so. Yes. Yes. Very
01:03:23 --> 01:03:23
interesting.
01:03:25 --> 01:03:27
What are your thoughts so far?Before we go on to the next topic,
01:03:27 --> 01:03:32
inshallah. You know, one of thechallenges when I saw of course,
01:03:32 --> 01:03:34
the assumption that oh, you know,may not be very you know, for the
01:03:34 --> 01:03:37
lustful things, one of thechallenges that we don't give each
01:03:37 --> 01:03:40
other enough space, to understandeach other and how we're
01:03:40 --> 01:03:43
different, you know, when thesister mentioned that, I want to
01:03:43 --> 01:03:45
be as everything how can we justcan't be enough and all that
01:03:45 --> 01:03:48
stuff, and the brother wasbasically explaining nobody's
01:03:48 --> 01:03:50
enough for each other here andhe's doing it regardless.
01:03:50 --> 01:03:53
Similarly, when the Prophet saidto salami, let us know that when
01:03:53 --> 01:03:56
the son of Adam, you know, he hasa value of gold, people want
01:03:56 --> 01:04:01
another one. Right, that nothingwill please us, except dirt. You
01:04:01 --> 01:04:04
know what I mean? So we willcontinue to be more and more
01:04:04 --> 01:04:10
differences, though, that it hasbecome so accommodating to the
01:04:10 --> 01:04:14
position of the white knight orthe Disney Princess syndrome as
01:04:14 --> 01:04:16
though you know, someone's gonnaeither come save you live off and
01:04:16 --> 01:04:20
live happily ever after versus thereality, which is, you know, what,
01:04:20 --> 01:04:23
we're different. And that has beenone is necessarily better, but we
01:04:23 --> 01:04:27
are absolutely different. And alot of our lessons know that. And
01:04:27 --> 01:04:29
the fact of the matter is, themore you learn it, you understand
01:04:29 --> 01:04:34
this theme, you understand that aman in his love actually has the
01:04:34 --> 01:04:37
ability not necessarily right nowin modern times have we looked at
01:04:37 --> 01:04:42
some referees have just love. Youcan as a man, like to have *
01:04:42 --> 01:04:45
with more than four women. Youknow, you could have four wives.
01:04:45 --> 01:04:49
You have unlimited concubines.This is the world that Islam came
01:04:49 --> 01:04:53
into a concubine is not as toughas there are still the one created
01:04:53 --> 01:04:59
us knows what he created. So manshaming for where they are and not
01:04:59 --> 01:04:59
understanding this
01:05:00 --> 01:05:02
significance of it I mean, one ofthe parts that opened my eyes a
01:05:02 --> 01:05:06
while ago when I was new to Islamwas the chapter in the book
01:05:06 --> 01:05:08
Thinking Grow Rich, well known,but if you're Rich by Napoleon
01:05:08 --> 01:05:12
Hill, because all important *transmutation, sexual
01:05:12 --> 01:05:15
transmutation, taking that sameenergy to another level of
01:05:15 --> 01:05:19
challenging and channeling, andfor Muslims, there's also a whole
01:05:19 --> 01:05:23
chapter dedicated, properly set todealing with persistence, right?
01:05:23 --> 01:05:25
But that's a differentconversation. But understanding
01:05:25 --> 01:05:28
that we're different stop askingwhy I'm not going to be a man,
01:05:28 --> 01:05:31
that's gonna continue to ask awoman, you know, tell me what the
01:05:31 --> 01:05:34
menstrual cramps to help meunderstand how it feels, or having
01:05:34 --> 01:05:37
a baby or being pregnant, the bodygrowing inside of you probably
01:05:37 --> 01:05:40
will never understand it, I justhave to accept it. But the sooner
01:05:40 --> 01:05:42
we get to the acceptance part,knowing that we're different,
01:05:43 --> 01:05:47
versus trying to figure out why alot of times, I think the better
01:05:47 --> 01:05:51
off would be, because the realityis we will prefer a beautiful lie
01:05:51 --> 01:05:56
to an ugly truth, anytime. A lotof anti polygamy, people, but
01:05:56 --> 01:05:59
they're all having affairs andeverything else going on, instead
01:05:59 --> 01:06:03
of raising a woman to an honorableposition. They will go living
01:06:03 --> 01:06:06
within their nature, but they arechoosing the immoral option versus
01:06:06 --> 01:06:09
the More option. And one thingMuslims tend to forget that if
01:06:09 --> 01:06:13
shaytans biggest thing is to breakup, a Muslim family, break up
01:06:13 --> 01:06:17
marriages break up families. Whatpart does it play with the people
01:06:17 --> 01:06:20
that prevent them to even cometogether? What part does that
01:06:20 --> 01:06:24
play? You're not asking the rightquestions. So anyway, that's my
01:06:24 --> 01:06:27
two cents thus far. But definitelygood conversation.
01:06:28 --> 01:06:31
Just like a love affair, I thinkdefinitely we are having I think,
01:06:31 --> 01:06:34
brother, NASA, I think you'reseeing if you're if you're paying
01:06:34 --> 01:06:37
attention to the chat, then you'llsee that it literally is the
01:06:37 --> 01:06:40
battle of the mic of theworldviews here today in the
01:06:40 --> 01:06:43
comments, which I actually haven'tseen before. This is really
01:06:43 --> 01:06:47
interesting, because normally,most people who are on the stream,
01:06:47 --> 01:06:50
kind of you know, we're all moreor less on the same page. But I'm
01:06:50 --> 01:06:54
seeing like some people havinglike they're losing their minds
01:06:54 --> 01:06:59
right now. Yeah, I think yeah, Ithink what you're seeing is you're
01:06:59 --> 01:07:02
seeing and again, for me, I alwayscome from that that
01:07:03 --> 01:07:06
coaching therapeutic lens, I thinkwe're just seeing as people's
01:07:06 --> 01:07:11
demands, and extreme thinking,right? They demand that it must be
01:07:11 --> 01:07:17
the way that they envision it tobe. Right. And that just is that's
01:07:17 --> 01:07:23
going to that's a recipe for youupsetting yourself, and oftentimes
01:07:23 --> 01:07:24
not getting what you want.
01:07:26 --> 01:07:30
You can do it, but you may not getthe outcomes you want.
01:07:31 --> 01:07:35
And that's one of the points. Theother thing is oftentimes,
01:07:36 --> 01:07:39
unhealthy jealousy because it ishealthy jealousy. But this
01:07:39 --> 01:07:43
unhealthy jealousy, typically isattached to behaviors that are
01:07:43 --> 01:07:48
destructive to the relationship.Right. And so that's that again,
01:07:48 --> 01:07:52
but that all comes out of thesedemands that we have, right? That
01:07:52 --> 01:07:55
one, I must be the one and only,and I must be the one that
01:07:55 --> 01:07:59
fulfills all of his needs,interests and desires. And if not,
01:07:59 --> 01:08:02
then there must be something wrongwith him. And that's where the
01:08:02 --> 01:08:06
labels come in. Right? And overthere, then that means there's
01:08:06 --> 01:08:10
something wrong with me. And I wesat down and something wrong with
01:08:10 --> 01:08:13
us, when all of that is justextreme thinking.
01:08:17 --> 01:08:23
I'd like to move the conversationa bit to the caliber of man that,
01:08:23 --> 01:08:27
you know, we will accept has theright okay, because you know, it's
01:08:27 --> 01:08:30
conditional, right? It'sconditional, you do know that not
01:08:30 --> 01:08:33
everybody has the rights to havemore than one if we pay attention
01:08:33 --> 01:08:37
to the comments and certainly tothe way that sisters feel. You
01:08:37 --> 01:08:41
know, I said this on my livestream, which is kind of going
01:08:41 --> 01:08:46
crazy at the moment, masha Allah,but it is it is like the default
01:08:46 --> 01:08:51
position. And the honest positionfor most women is that they do not
01:08:51 --> 01:08:54
want their husbands to marryagain, let's at least accept that.
01:08:55 --> 01:08:57
Let's at least say that that'strue, right. And I think that that
01:08:57 --> 01:09:02
is the case, regardless ofsociety, regardless of class in
01:09:02 --> 01:09:06
general, most women if you askthem, if you could choose your
01:09:06 --> 01:09:08
husband's American or not, whichone would you choose? They'll say,
01:09:08 --> 01:09:11
No, thank you. It's cool. I'mgood. Right? So that's the
01:09:11 --> 01:09:12
default.
01:09:13 --> 01:09:15
Hello, however, there may be
01:09:16 --> 01:09:21
a section of those women who couldhave a conversation about it,
01:09:21 --> 01:09:27
right? But that conversation isvery much based around the initial
01:09:27 --> 01:09:32
wife's requirements, right for therelationship, what she wants, how
01:09:32 --> 01:09:37
she wants things to be, how sheher expectations, you know, her
01:09:37 --> 01:09:40
standards, you know what she wantsfor her family. Now, I would like
01:09:40 --> 01:09:44
to ask the two of you becausecertainly amongst sisters, this
01:09:44 --> 01:09:48
type of language is very normal.And sisters will beat you up for
01:09:48 --> 01:09:51
that says you deserve better, sayshe shouldn't be doing this, you
01:09:51 --> 01:09:54
know, you know system willdefinitely come to the defense of
01:09:54 --> 01:09:57
other systems and say no, it's thesystem you know, he definitely
01:09:57 --> 01:09:59
shouldn't you deserve to have thislook at how much
01:10:00 --> 01:10:03
You've invested how much you'vesacrificed so, so that is a given
01:10:03 --> 01:10:06
sisters will always come to thedefense of the system and say she
01:10:06 --> 01:10:11
has the right to determine whetherhe does this or not. I would like
01:10:11 --> 01:10:16
to turn it over to you to men togive your perspective on that, and
01:10:16 --> 01:10:22
I'd like you to be as, dare I sayhonest and respectful as possible.
01:10:23 --> 01:10:27
Because I think that this thisentitlement to I get to control
01:10:27 --> 01:10:30
how this is going to work. Howthis is going to go, I think is a
01:10:30 --> 01:10:35
really big rock that's in the wayfor for many of the women of my
01:10:35 --> 01:10:37
generation. What do you guys sayabout
01:10:40 --> 01:10:44
hey, no, no, no, no, where I'mfrom we say beauty before age, I'm
01:10:44 --> 01:10:45
older and you look at it.
01:10:47 --> 01:10:51
Probably holding you off, probablyhere, hey, we're gonna let hair
01:10:51 --> 01:10:51
determine that.
01:10:54 --> 01:10:56
But mine is quickly running awayfrom Hey, I got you.
01:10:59 --> 01:11:03
I never realized that the Alright,well it to be frank to listen,
01:11:04 --> 01:11:08
when it comes to marriage when itcomes to a man having the ability
01:11:08 --> 01:11:13
to determine or if a woman thinksshe has a right to grant
01:11:13 --> 01:11:17
permission, or have any say sowhatsoever. And Allah subhanaw
01:11:17 --> 01:11:20
taala either would have addressedher in the Quran. She's not
01:11:20 --> 01:11:24
addressing the ground. Now, Italked about best practices. And
01:11:24 --> 01:11:27
we you know, for those of you whodon't know, we have not met yet.
01:11:27 --> 01:11:32
I'm posting out there. I'm here tocoach Fatima and coach and I've
01:11:32 --> 01:11:36
been married to coach Fatima for27 years been married to coach
01:11:36 --> 01:11:39
Nyla for 12 years. So that meanswe'll get back to polygyny for a
01:11:39 --> 01:11:43
dozen years, and we have a dozenchildren which includes two bonus
01:11:43 --> 01:11:45
children that coach now thatalready had before I married her.
01:11:46 --> 01:11:49
So with that being said, though,the fact of the matter is is black
01:11:49 --> 01:11:53
and white man has a decision tomake. Now he has responsibilities
01:11:53 --> 01:11:57
of course that come along with it.But the man is still going to be a
01:11:57 --> 01:11:59
man he's answerable to Allahsubhanaw taala if you are in
01:11:59 --> 01:12:02
initial wife or first wife, whodid your husband have to get
01:12:02 --> 01:12:04
permission from to marry you
01:12:05 --> 01:12:07
know, one he had to make thedecision maybe consulted with
01:12:07 --> 01:12:11
someone, maybe he you know had awildly or killed or something on
01:12:11 --> 01:12:15
his behalf negotiating but guesswhat he had to answer to Allah to
01:12:15 --> 01:12:21
Allah. That's it. Okay, any manthat expects to be respected over
01:12:21 --> 01:12:24
time especially, and he has toanswer to his wife, his wife when
01:12:24 --> 01:12:28
he respect that? Alright, so theold statement comes, at least from
01:12:28 --> 01:12:30
my culture, saying you know who'swearing the pants in the family's
01:12:30 --> 01:12:34
demand has one defenseman allowedto Allegheny specific rules may
01:12:34 --> 01:12:39
two, three or four. If you fearyou cannot be just the one. That's
01:12:39 --> 01:12:41
it, it doesn't say one is best ifyou weren't new. So if you think
01:12:41 --> 01:12:44
that's part of the ayat, pleasecorrect that because that's a lie
01:12:44 --> 01:12:47
against Allah, Allah subhanawtaala. Now, also, the prophet Lai
01:12:47 --> 01:12:51
said was wrong. And we know assoon as we know that he will marry
01:12:51 --> 01:12:53
then he will, he will let his wifeknow later, he didn't have to tell
01:12:53 --> 01:12:56
him beforehand. But again, wherewe come from when when it is the
01:12:56 --> 01:12:59
norm over the last couple ofcenturies, if you will, or at
01:12:59 --> 01:13:03
least to push that way, that it'sbest practice to have that
01:13:03 --> 01:13:05
communication to be able to talkabout as I mentioned, you know,
01:13:05 --> 01:13:08
bring up the discussion, notanyone to bring up discussion, we
01:13:08 --> 01:13:10
let women know they should bringit up, whether it's before
01:13:10 --> 01:13:13
marriage during marriage,sometimes they already married you
01:13:13 --> 01:13:16
have an inkling or an idea aboutit, have that conversation. Men
01:13:16 --> 01:13:19
need to have it. First of all, toknow who you married, you're going
01:13:19 --> 01:13:22
to marry is this somebody that hassome unresolved trauma that may
01:13:22 --> 01:13:24
come out, they may haveabandonment issues or abuse
01:13:24 --> 01:13:27
issues, whatever type stuff goingon, that will come out now that
01:13:27 --> 01:13:30
just polygyny in the picture.Because trauma is very real, and
01:13:30 --> 01:13:34
we for some reason or another havean issue or treat as though it's
01:13:34 --> 01:13:38
taboo to get some type of therapy,or coaching or help or counseling
01:13:38 --> 01:13:41
when you need to know who youmarry bro. And sisters, you need
01:13:41 --> 01:13:44
to have the conversation which mantry to figure out what's going on.
01:13:44 --> 01:13:47
So should that situation evercome? And most times it doesn't.
01:13:47 --> 01:13:51
Because most men don't practicepolygyny. Okay, so that
01:13:51 --> 01:13:54
unnecessary fear and unnecessaryworry is irrelevant, but still
01:13:54 --> 01:13:57
have the conversation know who youmarry, and how you dealt with it,
01:13:57 --> 01:14:00
and how you would like to dealwith it. Okay, but you don't have
01:14:00 --> 01:14:04
a right to demand anything. Youdon't, right, it's black and
01:14:04 --> 01:14:07
white, you may not like it again,we will prefer a beautiful lie to
01:14:07 --> 01:14:10
an ugly truth, but you don't. Butit's best practices and dealing
01:14:10 --> 01:14:13
with communication and love andcompassion with each other to be
01:14:13 --> 01:14:17
able to communicate. Don't be theobjective sisters. Don't be the
01:14:17 --> 01:14:21
type of person whom you want yourhusband to your best friend,
01:14:21 --> 01:14:22
right? Want to talk abouteverything and everything
01:14:22 --> 01:14:25
nowadays, but when this topiccomes up to get fire, we get an
01:14:25 --> 01:14:28
attitude. And just you know, youcan't talk about this one topic.
01:14:28 --> 01:14:32
This is your hot button. Theydon't be surprised. You know, if
01:14:32 --> 01:14:36
he shows up, you know, with hisother wife, my wife has the night
01:14:36 --> 01:14:39
just did a skit the other dayabout ways to have the hard
01:14:39 --> 01:14:42
conversations about policemen,right. And one of them was that I
01:14:42 --> 01:14:45
just showed up to the door with mywith my second wife, and then my
01:14:45 --> 01:14:48
first wife slam the door on it'skind of funny you put on a YouTube
01:14:48 --> 01:14:51
channel, whatever, but don't givehim ammunition. So I'm gonna take
01:14:51 --> 01:14:54
the kids and I'm gonna do all thistype of stuff. So you have a right
01:14:54 --> 01:14:57
to do so and the slot goes all theway out the window for the armor
01:14:57 --> 01:14:59
and obedience to the husband.Similarly, men
01:15:00 --> 01:15:02
Just because you don't have todoesn't mean you shouldn't,
01:15:02 --> 01:15:05
because now there's rules andregulations that goes into that.
01:15:05 --> 01:15:08
And there's a penalty associatedwith not practicing it properly.
01:15:08 --> 01:15:11
So we encourage men to be morethan twice the man than the
01:15:11 --> 01:15:14
average, what's the point of beingaverage, that's the top of the
01:15:14 --> 01:15:18
bottom and the bottom of the top.So I don't talk a lot into it. But
01:15:18 --> 01:15:19
please, the floor is yours.
01:15:24 --> 01:15:25
I'm the law.
01:15:27 --> 01:15:28
I'm the law.
01:15:29 --> 01:15:33
I think I think that was more thantwo cents, that was to bitcoins
01:15:33 --> 01:15:34
brother, really appreciate it.
01:15:37 --> 01:15:41
And the only thing that I wouldjust add to that is, is you know,
01:15:41 --> 01:15:45
what you were saying earlier, interms of the default of the system
01:15:45 --> 01:15:48
only wanting to wanting to be theonly one.
01:15:49 --> 01:15:53
And the default of if we can getto that point in default of the
01:15:53 --> 01:15:58
system wanting to be informedbeforehand. It's fine if it's a
01:15:58 --> 01:15:59
preference,
01:16:00 --> 01:16:04
right? If it's a desire, it's aone nothing wrong with that. The
01:16:04 --> 01:16:07
problem becomes is when youescalate your wants, desires and
01:16:07 --> 01:16:11
preferences to the level of ademand that it must happen. That's
01:16:11 --> 01:16:15
what then produces. So that trainthat stream of thinking that
01:16:15 --> 01:16:19
narrative, that it must be thisway he must let me know before he
01:16:19 --> 01:16:23
makes any decision like that iswhat then leads you to be
01:16:24 --> 01:16:28
a firecracker when theconversation comes up, leads you
01:16:28 --> 01:16:32
to act and a self sabotage andwait to the relationship. Hence,
01:16:32 --> 01:16:38
which which then produces theevidence that he later relies on
01:16:38 --> 01:16:42
when he makes an informeddecision, an informed decision
01:16:42 --> 01:16:45
that you may not like but informeddecision to not let you know
01:16:45 --> 01:16:46
beforehand.
01:16:47 --> 01:16:51
Because he knows from previousconversation, those previous
01:16:51 --> 01:16:55
conversation can serve as theevidence to let him know it's
01:16:55 --> 01:16:56
better for me to just go thisroute.
01:16:57 --> 01:17:03
And I'll let her know afterwards.Now, is that ideal? No, but and
01:17:03 --> 01:17:08
you don't like it, okay. But it'snot always illogical, why he's
01:17:08 --> 01:17:12
doing what he's doing. It may beinformed by the experiences he's
01:17:12 --> 01:17:15
had with you prior to him makingthat choice
01:17:20 --> 01:17:21
so that's just my take on
01:17:24 --> 01:17:26
the issue of
01:17:28 --> 01:17:32
soy so I'm really really glad thatboth of you dealt with that. I
01:17:32 --> 01:17:37
would love to hear what the whatthose who are watching guys if
01:17:37 --> 01:17:43
you're live put two Live Crew inthe chat. Okay, there are 130
01:17:43 --> 01:17:47
Watching and only 63 likes and youknow that we don't play like that
01:17:47 --> 01:17:51
so please hit the like button it'sthe least you can do. We've had
01:17:51 --> 01:17:53
mashallah two brothers come inwe've had other sisters and
01:17:53 --> 01:17:58
brothers coming on live mashallahfor for all of you guys. So please
01:17:58 --> 01:18:02
hit the like button, get thelights up. Maybe one of you can
01:18:02 --> 01:18:05
check the likes and let me know inthe chat Kinsel time or somebody
01:18:05 --> 01:18:08
else one of our regulars, Aisha,let us know when the lights get up
01:18:08 --> 01:18:10
to 100 Please, because that's whatwe want. We're going to pause the
01:18:10 --> 01:18:16
show until the lights get up to100 Okay, put two Live Crew if you
01:18:16 --> 01:18:19
are live with us and put replaygang if you're watching on the
01:18:19 --> 01:18:23
replay. Right now the chat isgoing crazy with everybody arguing
01:18:24 --> 01:18:28
about who's right it is and whatshould happen. And you know, who
01:18:28 --> 01:18:31
has needs a safety net and whoshould be encouraged to get a job
01:18:31 --> 01:18:34
so that she's not dependent? Andthen if her husband does it, then
01:18:34 --> 01:18:36
she can leave him and all kinds ofcrazy stuff.
01:18:40 --> 01:18:44
Says he says I'm not sure we hadyou are on my on the live loss.
01:18:44 --> 01:18:49
This earlier in the week says sothe reality is this guys that my
01:18:49 --> 01:18:52
biggest problem, right as as awoman, this is my biggest issue.
01:18:52 --> 01:18:53
That's my biggest concern.
01:18:56 --> 01:18:59
That if we don't as sisters,
01:19:00 --> 01:19:02
if we don't
01:19:04 --> 01:19:09
work on our own mindset when itcomes to marriage,
01:19:10 --> 01:19:15
we just going to keep losing.Right? And when I say work on our
01:19:15 --> 01:19:20
mindset, I'm not saying becomemore red pill,
01:19:21 --> 01:19:24
become more of a doormat.
01:19:25 --> 01:19:30
Become more male focused or malefriendly. I'm not saying any of
01:19:30 --> 01:19:37
that. I'm saying take on boardwhat the Dean teaches us become
01:19:37 --> 01:19:41
more Islamic in your Outlook.
01:19:42 --> 01:19:47
It's really as simple as that.That's all I'm saying. We need to
01:19:47 --> 01:19:53
as sisters become more Islamic inour outlook. Same with the
01:19:53 --> 01:19:57
brothers not going to leave themoff here either. But in this
01:19:57 --> 01:19:59
issue, I think that we can we
01:20:00 --> 01:20:04
can safely say that the brother'sview on this is more in line with
01:20:04 --> 01:20:09
the Quran and the Sunnah thanSisters of to date. Guys, if you
01:20:09 --> 01:20:13
agree, put yes in the chat if youdisagree sign up, right because
01:20:13 --> 01:20:17
this is a really big issue, right?If we not even agreed on the fact
01:20:17 --> 01:20:21
that sisters are today, that ourmindset when it comes to marriage,
01:20:21 --> 01:20:25
our role in marriage, ourattitudes to divorce, our
01:20:25 --> 01:20:30
attitudes to second wives, etc,are different to what Allah
01:20:30 --> 01:20:33
subhanaw taala has taught us inthe Quran and the Sunnah and the
01:20:33 --> 01:20:37
Sahaba, then we can't even have aconversation. What's happening?
01:20:38 --> 01:20:42
And what is scary to me is thatsisters are actually convinced
01:20:43 --> 01:20:49
that their, their attitudes, whichI'm sorry to say, are simply a
01:20:49 --> 01:20:55
Muslim version of a feministoutlook, okay? A deeply feminist
01:20:55 --> 01:20:59
outlook, and to some extent, amisson dress outlook as well,
01:20:59 --> 01:21:04
right? If you can't, if we can'teven come to terms that this is
01:21:04 --> 01:21:09
what's happening, then we arewe're in real trouble. Because not
01:21:09 --> 01:21:14
only are you taking your feministbaggage, your feminist lens, and
01:21:14 --> 01:21:17
your feminist mindset andprojecting on the rest of the
01:21:17 --> 01:21:21
Ummah, and any man who comes intoyour space, but any man that you
01:21:21 --> 01:21:25
married, you're going to projectonto him, and you're going to
01:21:25 --> 01:21:28
project on to your children. Andthat is concerning, because our
01:21:28 --> 01:21:33
children don't need even moreconfusion. Right? This dunya is
01:21:33 --> 01:21:37
hard enough as it is, the dean issupposed to simplify things, the
01:21:37 --> 01:21:41
dean is supposed to make it easyto make our way through this
01:21:41 --> 01:21:44
dunya. Right. And the only waythat we are actually going to be
01:21:44 --> 01:21:49
able to get through this is if wehold on to the values that Allah
01:21:49 --> 01:21:53
subhanaw taala has, hasn't held upfor us and said, guys, this is
01:21:53 --> 01:21:57
what it is. This is what'simportant. This is what matters.
01:21:57 --> 01:22:00
This is what you'll be judged on.This is how I want you to comport
01:22:00 --> 01:22:02
yourself as Muslims.
01:22:03 --> 01:22:06
I just those of you, those of youwho are watching this on the
01:22:06 --> 01:22:11
replay, put replay gang, goesthrough the live chat, play the
01:22:11 --> 01:22:15
live chat while you are watchingthis video. Those of you who are
01:22:15 --> 01:22:19
on here, please read back overyour comments I want you to be
01:22:19 --> 01:22:24
able to see for yourselves andhopefully pick up on the stuff
01:22:24 --> 01:22:28
that's coming through. Right.These are modern, materialist,
01:22:28 --> 01:22:32
feminist ideas that are comingthrough. And unfortunately, people
01:22:32 --> 01:22:36
are bringing sera trying to bringsera trying to bring the dean to
01:22:36 --> 01:22:41
defend yourself. Please don't dothis said Why don't the brothers
01:22:41 --> 01:22:43
who want polygamy only speak tosisters who are okay with
01:22:43 --> 01:22:48
polygamy, right? At the end of theday, if we agree that most men, if
01:22:48 --> 01:22:53
they could, would marry again. Andwe were saying that there's only
01:22:53 --> 01:22:55
like a handful of sisters who areokay with putting any all Muslim
01:22:55 --> 01:23:00
sisters or Muslim women. I wantsomeone to come on this debate
01:23:00 --> 01:23:08
now. And explain to me why as aMuslim woman, you how justified in
01:23:08 --> 01:23:12
being anti polygamy. I wantsomeone to come bring it.
01:23:13 --> 01:23:16
And the thing is, it's your ownpersonal preference and your own
01:23:16 --> 01:23:19
life or whatever, that's fine,right? We know where that comes
01:23:19 --> 01:23:23
from. But once you start bringingDean and you start bringing Hadith
01:23:23 --> 01:23:26
and Quran and trying to bring somekind of sociological, blah, blah,
01:23:26 --> 01:23:29
blah. Now we know these arefighting words now.
01:23:31 --> 01:23:33
At the very least, we need toaccept that you know what, I have
01:23:33 --> 01:23:37
a deficiency in my Eman or Ifollow a different position, you
01:23:37 --> 01:23:41
know, like a scholarly position orwhatever, right? But if it's our
01:23:41 --> 01:23:43
own personal weaknesses, then atleast we need to just take the
01:23:43 --> 01:23:45
out. I'm sorry.
01:23:47 --> 01:23:53
It's not good enough to just be tojust be out here, basically, like
01:23:53 --> 01:23:57
bleeding over the people becauseof your own personal stuff. Right?
01:23:57 --> 01:24:03
My concern is that we have ageneration of Muslim women whose
01:24:03 --> 01:24:09
thinking has been tainted, notjust by our own knifes not just by
01:24:09 --> 01:24:13
our own lived experience and ourown personal stuff, but by the
01:24:13 --> 01:24:17
programming from outside. And assoon as we realize that this stuff
01:24:17 --> 01:24:21
is programmed that it actuallydoesn't stand up to scrutiny when
01:24:21 --> 01:24:24
it comes to like when we go andstand before Allah subhanaw taala
01:24:24 --> 01:24:28
The sooner we can start cleansingourselves. But anyway, that's my
01:24:28 --> 01:24:30
rant over. My apologies brothers
01:24:32 --> 01:24:36
and sisters and everybody else. Noone's bullying anyone into
01:24:36 --> 01:24:39
polygamy, please. Right? Most menwill not practice polygamy. That's
01:24:39 --> 01:24:43
the reality no matter how muchthey dream of it. The issue is an
01:24:43 --> 01:24:47
issue of principle here. That'sthat's that issue that
01:24:49 --> 01:24:50
is uncomfortable to me.
01:24:51 --> 01:24:52
Like
01:24:55 --> 01:24:58
so if you feel that someone isbullying you, what are the
01:24:58 --> 01:24:59
thoughts you have around that?
01:25:01 --> 01:25:05
That's that's the question for meif you feel as though someone is
01:25:05 --> 01:25:07
bullying, and what are thethoughts you're having around
01:25:07 --> 01:25:13
that? And do you have any sense ofa*gency? Right? Can you can you can
01:25:13 --> 01:25:17
you really process that and make adetermination of what's best for
01:25:17 --> 01:25:18
you were snot?
01:25:20 --> 01:25:25
I just, yeah. I, you spoke aboutthis before? I think we have, I
01:25:25 --> 01:25:30
think, in some segments of ourcommunity, we have this victim
01:25:30 --> 01:25:33
mindset that I think isproblematic is very much
01:25:33 --> 01:25:34
problematic.
01:25:36 --> 01:25:37
Yeah, yeah.
01:25:39 --> 01:25:42
Brother, Zia, would you like tochime in before we go on to the
01:25:42 --> 01:25:43
next topic? Insha Allah.
01:25:45 --> 01:25:46
Let's continue with this.
01:25:47 --> 01:25:50
Okay, so one of the comments thatcame through, and it's actually
01:25:50 --> 01:25:53
somebody said it in the commentsnow, is that acceptance of plural
01:25:53 --> 01:25:58
marriage results in more wives fora few successful Muslim men, and
01:25:58 --> 01:26:01
even fewer for everybody else youagree to disagree?
01:26:05 --> 01:26:11
As actually, well, first of all,it's funny to begin with. Because
01:26:12 --> 01:26:14
do you want to be married tosomeone that's not successful?
01:26:16 --> 01:26:19
Alright, of course, you know, thatis subjective, the whole term
01:26:19 --> 01:26:23
successful, but at the same time,would you rather someone marry
01:26:23 --> 01:26:27
someone with mental illness, withdrug addictions, with lovely man,
01:26:27 --> 01:26:31
but it's just her man? He might bea piece of crap, but it's her
01:26:31 --> 01:26:35
piece of crap. Is that it thatwe're looking for? You know what
01:26:35 --> 01:26:39
I'm saying? Because, again, thefact that matter is just because
01:26:39 --> 01:26:42
some of the practices politically,yeah, that's simply a form of
01:26:42 --> 01:26:44
marriage, we're talking aboutmarriage we're talking about this
01:26:44 --> 01:26:47
is something that is honorable,which we're speaking clearly or
01:26:47 --> 01:26:51
something that's noble. So wemight want to be in a fantasy
01:26:51 --> 01:26:56
world as the old Xena doesn'texist. Right? The cheating doesn't
01:26:56 --> 01:27:02
exist, but it happens. So you wantto a man is relegated just to you.
01:27:03 --> 01:27:06
Right? Legally, he may do otherthings will be when other people
01:27:06 --> 01:27:09
find other things, whatever. Butas long as it's just mine, you
01:27:09 --> 01:27:11
know, again, that goes into themindset of the thinking of that
01:27:11 --> 01:27:15
individual, whether it's scarcityor otherwise. So you have a few
01:27:15 --> 01:27:18
successful man again, this is thewhole scarcity mindset to begin
01:27:18 --> 01:27:21
with, we have billions of peopleon the planet. All right, in a
01:27:21 --> 01:27:26
relatively across the planet, atleast relatively even numbers, men
01:27:26 --> 01:27:28
are just a little bit more now. Itdoesn't mean this is a male as a
01:27:28 --> 01:27:32
female you match that's just sillyto begin with. But in America,
01:27:32 --> 01:27:34
it's a big difference, especiallyin my community. In particular,
01:27:34 --> 01:27:37
there's about five to six woman'severy man in a certain cities is
01:27:37 --> 01:27:41
almost 18 and 19 and 22. Everysingle man black man, if you will.
01:27:42 --> 01:27:45
So with that being said, why wouldyou not want for your daughters,
01:27:45 --> 01:27:47
and I'm responsible for fivedaughters, two of my daughters are
01:27:47 --> 01:27:50
married, and actually three ofthem want their husbands to
01:27:50 --> 01:27:54
practice polygamy. They've neverbeen in relationships. Okay? But
01:27:54 --> 01:27:57
they actually desire polygyny,they want their husband to
01:27:57 --> 01:28:02
practice that. Okay, so am I as awily as a as a Waleed the one
01:28:02 --> 01:28:06
that's responsible supposed to gofor average? Am I supposed to go
01:28:06 --> 01:28:09
for someone that's going to be agood match and raise up and
01:28:09 --> 01:28:12
whatnot, women tend to raise ormarry up or, you know, at least at
01:28:12 --> 01:28:16
the same level anyway. So that'sjust a scarcity mentality talking
01:28:16 --> 01:28:18
to doesn't really vibe withreality. It's like say, okay, you
01:28:18 --> 01:28:21
know, what, all the 10s in thenight, the eight, nine and 10
01:28:21 --> 01:28:24
attractive people out there, youknow, they're gonna attract the
01:28:24 --> 01:28:27
most individual, why don't theyjust go for four? There's a lot
01:28:27 --> 01:28:30
more fours? Who does that? Doesn'tmake any type of sense, right?
01:28:31 --> 01:28:35
Similarly, if somebody gives anexample, there's a LeBron James,
01:28:35 --> 01:28:38
he just finally made a billionwhile actually playing right? He
01:28:38 --> 01:28:41
absolutely has the ability tofinancially take care of plenty
01:28:41 --> 01:28:43
women, there are a plethora ofwomen, probably mostly women, too,
01:28:43 --> 01:28:46
that will be open to marriage orwhatever type of relationship or
01:28:46 --> 01:28:49
you have those the NIT candidatesWho's spreading his cannon all
01:28:49 --> 01:28:51
over the place with all thesechildren, right? They know what
01:28:51 --> 01:28:54
they're looking for. They know ofeach other all this type of stuff.
01:28:54 --> 01:28:57
Nice, absolutely immoral. We'regonna talk about like Nick Cannon,
01:28:57 --> 01:29:00
what do you tell him in asituation where LeBron James, with
01:29:00 --> 01:29:03
the ability to be taken care ofand all this fantasy lifestyle,
01:29:04 --> 01:29:08
that now you wouldn't be open toit? You know, or are they looking
01:29:08 --> 01:29:11
for a way for some type ofsecurity on his other side from
01:29:11 --> 01:29:15
these men consider successfully orsuccessful financially at least.
01:29:16 --> 01:29:18
And this was this woman. This iswhat women are doing. This is part
01:29:18 --> 01:29:21
of nature. This is natural stuff.Women have always been looking for
01:29:21 --> 01:29:23
strength. I mean, that's wherethey get the whole, you know,
01:29:23 --> 01:29:25
hypergamy term and whatnot. Butwe're talking to come from a
01:29:25 --> 01:29:29
position of morality and morals inIslam actually regulating or
01:29:29 --> 01:29:32
restricting polygyny because wewill actually absolutely have more
01:29:32 --> 01:29:36
than four I hate so there are manydifferent reasons and desires we
01:29:36 --> 01:29:39
have again, if you're given amountain to go you'll want another
01:29:39 --> 01:29:43
one it's enough what's our lessonsknow what He created us with a
01:29:43 --> 01:29:46
desire for women and children tofeel rebelled? All this is this is
01:29:46 --> 01:29:50
clear. What we haveresponsibilities that go along
01:29:50 --> 01:29:52
with it and we travel the world inthe world in particular, traveling
01:29:52 --> 01:29:55
right now. We travel the Westernworld. You see all these
01:29:55 --> 01:29:59
buildings. You see this history.You read of these different wars
01:29:59 --> 01:29:59
that happened in North
01:30:00 --> 01:30:02
boarding and conquering what wehave in this, you know, this
01:30:02 --> 01:30:03
honor, right? This is it.
01:30:04 --> 01:30:07
And then you look at the men todayand they're scared of somebody
01:30:07 --> 01:30:11
else's opinion of something that'smore of a reflection on us and
01:30:11 --> 01:30:14
what we think about ourselves whenpeople had a mission bigger than
01:30:14 --> 01:30:17
themselves, but a lot to have aclearly lets us know that there
01:30:17 --> 01:30:22
are things. Allah Allah says, justfighting this battle is described
01:30:22 --> 01:30:25
for you why despite the challengesyou had as a child, that's fine
01:30:25 --> 01:30:29
for you. Even though you hate it,even though you hate it, it's
01:30:29 --> 01:30:32
possible you hate it. thing was,Don't you like it was bad for you.
01:30:33 --> 01:30:37
Now, don't we also know that thepath on the way to Jana is filled
01:30:37 --> 01:30:40
with challenges you struggle withthings that you dislike, things
01:30:40 --> 01:30:44
that you don't want to do, thestruggle, the stuff that will you
01:30:44 --> 01:30:47
feel to tear you down. But justbecause you have pain, and that's
01:30:47 --> 01:30:51
your truth, doesn't mean that yourpain is the truth.
01:30:53 --> 01:30:57
So we also know that the path ofJahannam is filled with the easy
01:30:57 --> 01:31:01
desirable things where it's easyto do, there's no troubles. It's
01:31:01 --> 01:31:05
very, very attractive andtempting. So we have to make and
01:31:05 --> 01:31:09
have that balance. So should themore successful men guess why,
01:31:09 --> 01:31:14
like I said, my wife say you haveto do more than twice the man to
01:31:14 --> 01:31:16
be able to handle it in a properfashion because we want to do it
01:31:16 --> 01:31:19
in a healthy way. We want todemonstrate it in a way that your
01:31:19 --> 01:31:22
manhood and you're you'reproviding that leadership, you're
01:31:22 --> 01:31:27
providing an example that willlive beyond you. And the way at
01:31:27 --> 01:31:30
least I found to be able to dothat better. And with a family
01:31:30 --> 01:31:33
that solid. That's togetherness.Learning these principles after I
01:31:33 --> 01:31:37
came to Islam, is what polygyny.Now, did I get married at 19 When
01:31:37 --> 01:31:40
I first got married, and no, Iknew about polygyny, I didn't want
01:31:40 --> 01:31:43
to practice it. I didn't attend topractice. I was just trying to get
01:31:43 --> 01:31:47
married and do the right thing. Soguess what I evolved, I learned I
01:31:47 --> 01:31:51
grew and things changed. And now Iwill be policing 15 years later.
01:31:51 --> 01:31:56
Was it easy? No, not at all. Butwas it worth it? Absolutely. And I
01:31:56 --> 01:31:59
encourage every man to bequalified to practice polygyny,
01:32:00 --> 01:32:03
even if they don't desire to, evenif that's not a goal for what it
01:32:03 --> 01:32:06
will make your view what will makeit you'd have to be able to
01:32:06 --> 01:32:09
communicate, increase youremotional ability and increase
01:32:09 --> 01:32:13
your your mental stance to makesure you get money and why and how
01:32:13 --> 01:32:16
in the habit live beyond you. Whenyou see and hear about the
01:32:16 --> 01:32:19
Companions who came in who didn'thave money, and they were jealous
01:32:19 --> 01:32:22
of those who happily started theblessing they would get. We should
01:32:22 --> 01:32:26
be on that. Would that outlives usbecause three things follow you
01:32:26 --> 01:32:29
after you go. And we should knowwhat those three things are and do
01:32:29 --> 01:32:32
our best and out of my 10biological children, I'm hoping to
01:32:32 --> 01:32:35
have at least some of themprayerfully Inshallah, to either
01:32:35 --> 01:32:39
the majority of them be righteouschildren that pray for me. And I'd
01:32:39 --> 01:32:42
be able to meet righteous, great,great children, grandchildren that
01:32:42 --> 01:32:45
come for generations, and I won'tbe in this life at all. That
01:32:45 --> 01:32:48
wouldn't be able to happen withsomebody else limiting me if I
01:32:48 --> 01:32:51
wanted to have six or sevenattention during it. She's like,
01:32:51 --> 01:32:54
No, I just want three, we're justgonna be stuck here and weaponize
01:32:54 --> 01:32:58
* and stuff like that. Let mesee me and my options, when it's
01:32:58 --> 01:33:00
not doesn't get heard thatauthority over meat.
01:33:02 --> 01:33:06
I just want to jump on thisbecause I think keeping it here
01:33:06 --> 01:33:07
for a second.
01:33:08 --> 01:33:13
I think one of the things thatthat we can safely say and I'm
01:33:13 --> 01:33:16
saying this as somebody who's whois just seeing it from the
01:33:16 --> 01:33:17
outside.
01:33:20 --> 01:33:22
If you are the only woman
01:33:23 --> 01:33:28
you have leverage that you don'thave if that if you know if there
01:33:28 --> 01:33:32
are two, right? And you justmentioned a woman saying to her
01:33:32 --> 01:33:35
husband, I only want two kids orthree kids, right? You talked
01:33:35 --> 01:33:43
about weaponizing intimacy, right?How much of the power balance and
01:33:43 --> 01:33:47
I know people don't like to talkin these terms because we we have
01:33:49 --> 01:33:52
we haven't you know, I'm not goingto use the word blue pill. But it
01:33:52 --> 01:33:57
is a an idealized, romanticizedidea about relationships and how
01:33:57 --> 01:34:02
they work right. And the idea isthat you have a man if he loves
01:34:02 --> 01:34:07
you, He will only ever want you.And if he loves you his main focus
01:34:07 --> 01:34:11
and goal in life is to make youhappy, right? And to make sure
01:34:11 --> 01:34:16
that you're always happy and sohim choosing to marry again is
01:34:16 --> 01:34:20
like a betrayal of that. Could wetalk about that for a minute
01:34:20 --> 01:34:24
because I know I can see it I meanthe chats just gone off
01:34:24 --> 01:34:26
reservation okay, I'm not evenpaying attention to the chat
01:34:26 --> 01:34:30
anymore because they are doingtheir own thing, guys is not like
01:34:30 --> 01:34:32
you I'm very surprised that youwill anyway.
01:34:33 --> 01:34:36
So hopefully when they listenedback to this, this will be
01:34:36 --> 01:34:41
something that we can all reflecton. We have all been programmed
01:34:41 --> 01:34:46
with this idea of marriage beingyou know, a purely emotional
01:34:46 --> 01:34:51
arrangement, right based onemotion held together by emotion.
01:34:53 --> 01:34:57
And you know, the quality emotionis the one that makes the woman
01:34:57 --> 01:34:59
feel the best right so if if myhouse
01:35:00 --> 01:35:02
Ben loves me. It's because he'sdoing this and this and this for
01:35:02 --> 01:35:06
me, and you know, he has his goalis to make me happy, etc. Can we
01:35:06 --> 01:35:10
can we just maybe just just stopthere for a second and say, you
01:35:10 --> 01:35:14
know, is this helping us? Is itapplicable in Muslim marriages? Is
01:35:14 --> 01:35:18
it healthy for us to see things inthis way? Is there a need for a
01:35:18 --> 01:35:20
shift? What are your thoughts?
01:35:22 --> 01:35:26
Yeah, so but I think if you canjump in here, because, yeah, I
01:35:26 --> 01:35:32
think I think the challenge whenI, when I hear that is that, one,
01:35:32 --> 01:35:33
we're displacing
01:35:35 --> 01:35:37
the responsibility for how youfeel,
01:35:38 --> 01:35:43
right, it's not my responsibilityto make you feel happy. As a man,
01:35:43 --> 01:35:48
it's my responsibility to createthe conditions the atmosphere for
01:35:48 --> 01:35:51
you to feel a certain way, butyou're responsible for how you
01:35:51 --> 01:35:55
feel, because I can give youeverything you need, and some of
01:35:55 --> 01:35:58
what you want. But if yourthinking is off, if your thinking
01:35:58 --> 01:36:02
is distorted, you're going to havedistorted feelings, which is then
01:36:02 --> 01:36:10
going to produce distortedactions. So again, I I understand
01:36:10 --> 01:36:14
and appreciate that oftentimes,sisters can be
01:36:15 --> 01:36:20
guided and led by their emotions.But it's, it's helpful. And I
01:36:20 --> 01:36:24
think this is a huge role for menin their lives. And why polygyny
01:36:24 --> 01:36:29
can be such a benefit to womenwho've definitely made poor
01:36:29 --> 01:36:34
choices in their lives. Again, notall, but a lot have is having that
01:36:34 --> 01:36:39
men that can come in, that canmake sound logical decisions, to
01:36:39 --> 01:36:44
help them in their lives, right tobe led by logic. So I think that's
01:36:44 --> 01:36:47
important, I think it's importantfor sisters to remember, it's not
01:36:47 --> 01:36:52
your husband's responsibility, foryou to be happy. That's a personal
01:36:52 --> 01:36:55
journey, you have to take withyour own thoughts, because that's
01:36:55 --> 01:36:58
what's producing your happiness,or your distress and your
01:36:58 --> 01:36:59
discomfort.
01:37:02 --> 01:37:03
And that contract, I think,
01:37:05 --> 01:37:07
I think that's the informalcontract we have in ourselves,
01:37:08 --> 01:37:12
that you are responsible. And theother point that I would add to
01:37:12 --> 01:37:12
that is,
01:37:16 --> 01:37:18
since you don't want to, you don'twant to place yourself in that
01:37:18 --> 01:37:23
situation anyway. Because whatthat then does is that creates the
01:37:23 --> 01:37:27
stream for you to beat a puppet onyour husband's hand. Right. So how
01:37:27 --> 01:37:31
he feels that day, how he wakesup, whatever side of the bed he
01:37:31 --> 01:37:33
wakes on will determine how youfeel
01:37:34 --> 01:37:37
your emotional destiny is in hishand, you're the puppet and he's
01:37:37 --> 01:37:41
the string, he's the puppetmaster. You don't want to put your
01:37:41 --> 01:37:43
emotional destiny in the hands ofanyone, whether it be your
01:37:43 --> 01:37:46
husband, your parents, anyone, youwant to be in control of that you
01:37:46 --> 01:37:48
get in control of that bycontrolling your thinking.
01:37:50 --> 01:37:53
But that takes work that takesaccountability. It's easier just
01:37:53 --> 01:37:56
to displace it to the quoteunquote, poor choices of my
01:37:56 --> 01:37:57
husband.
01:38:02 --> 01:38:03
What's the new brother not
01:38:05 --> 01:38:08
get the two names, right, ratherthan ASEAN.
01:38:09 --> 01:38:10
On the leverage the leverageissue.
01:38:12 --> 01:38:15
You know, as the brother wasspeaking,
01:38:17 --> 01:38:19
we lacked a lot of emotionalintelligence in our communities,
01:38:19 --> 01:38:24
period. We don't it's not a classthat you learn in school
01:38:24 --> 01:38:29
whatsoever. And happiness is sucha fickle thing. That is it.
01:38:30 --> 01:38:35
Someone else's, not someone else'sresponsibility. But it's very,
01:38:35 --> 01:38:36
very fickle. For example,
01:38:37 --> 01:38:40
if you have a child or youyourself, were a child at one
01:38:40 --> 01:38:44
time, you probably done somethingcalled the happy dance. Usually,
01:38:44 --> 01:38:46
if there's food or a favoritemeal, and you might dance be happy
01:38:46 --> 01:38:50
that you get this gift or thisfood, right? And it's interesting,
01:38:50 --> 01:38:54
because I'd recently learn it, butour body has what 11 million
01:38:54 --> 01:39:01
sensory receptors in 10 million.Your eyes, eye Timmy eyes. Now, at
01:39:01 --> 01:39:04
the same time no neurology is orcome out with information that
01:39:04 --> 01:39:07
talks about you know, the part ofour brain I forget the part I have
01:39:07 --> 01:39:12
to go check my notes that actuallyhas a desire or a want for
01:39:12 --> 01:39:15
something is actually larger thanthe part that actually likes
01:39:15 --> 01:39:18
something so many times the desireis more pleasurable and fires off
01:39:18 --> 01:39:21
more hormones like dopamine andpositive co*cktails and our body
01:39:22 --> 01:39:28
can actually experiencing it. So Isaid all that, to say that one
01:39:28 --> 01:39:29
situation
01:39:30 --> 01:39:36
can be the absolute same formultiple people, but the different
01:39:36 --> 01:39:39
ways they look at it and themeaning that we have the power to
01:39:39 --> 01:39:43
assign to it changes. So when itcomes to being happy about
01:39:43 --> 01:39:46
something, they're perfectly saidto let us know, to say how
01:39:46 --> 01:39:49
wonderful or how wondrous is thefear of the believer, when
01:39:49 --> 01:39:52
something good happens when weremember Allah to Allah he is
01:39:52 --> 01:39:56
rewarded when something badhappens and he remembers a lot
01:39:56 --> 01:39:59
time is rewarded. Right? Soanything but
01:40:00 --> 01:40:02
We have to pick up on thatperspective. We have that
01:40:02 --> 01:40:05
freewill. See, when I thought andwe're talking about freewill
01:40:05 --> 01:40:08
coming up again, I was raisedChristian Christian school. You
01:40:08 --> 01:40:10
know, it's okay, we have freewill. So I used to think at a
01:40:10 --> 01:40:13
shallow perspective that that justsimply means what I believe you'd
01:40:13 --> 01:40:16
have the choice to believe thisand I believe that. But in
01:40:16 --> 01:40:20
reality, we create our own worlds.We create what meaning to put
01:40:20 --> 01:40:24
behind things, when you look atpolygyny is simply a form of
01:40:24 --> 01:40:27
marriage. So if you are antipolitically, you are absolutely
01:40:27 --> 01:40:29
against a form of marriage.
01:40:31 --> 01:40:34
I'm making it plain. Whether youlike it or whether you're not
01:40:34 --> 01:40:38
being pro polygyny is not beinganti monogamy with Islam is pro
01:40:38 --> 01:40:44
marriage, regardless, the fact is,the meaning we put behind stuff,
01:40:44 --> 01:40:46
the societal condition that we putbehind stuff, a lot of the
01:40:46 --> 01:40:50
feminist language says us, we forsome reason, forget that shaitan
01:40:50 --> 01:40:55
knows the game. I think it waseven a jazzy who said, say Tom
01:40:55 --> 01:41:00
says three things about the son ofthat. He says Know what, one, I'm
01:41:00 --> 01:41:05
old. And you're new. I'm old andyou're new. Right? Me He knows our
01:41:05 --> 01:41:12
vices He knows our game, right? Hesays, You distracted. And I I have
01:41:12 --> 01:41:15
one goal he spoke is we knowthere's an open enemy to us.
01:41:15 --> 01:41:18
Right? But we forget that evenexists. So when you whisper which
01:41:18 --> 01:41:23
is our consciousness, or intuitionsometimes, right? The third thing
01:41:23 --> 01:41:25
you say not to see you, you can'tsee me.
01:41:27 --> 01:41:29
So these are the three things theyturn it again, you know, even
01:41:29 --> 01:41:35
drowsy Rahim Allah said, I can seeyou, you can't see me. I'm old and
01:41:35 --> 01:41:38
you're new. And I have one isgoing to get distracted.
01:41:39 --> 01:41:42
So if we're thinking of ouremotions, and looking for anybody
01:41:42 --> 01:41:46
outside of it, except Allah toAllah Who created us, except the
01:41:46 --> 01:41:50
one to whom we want to get backinto a salon, the we are doing
01:41:50 --> 01:41:54
ourselves a disservice and notperfecting our man as we should.
01:41:54 --> 01:41:57
So when people say, Oh, sinceyou're a man that you don't have
01:41:57 --> 01:42:00
to like polygyny for yourself,that's absolutely fine to have a
01:42:00 --> 01:42:02
preference or no preference atall. There's no doubt there's no
01:42:02 --> 01:42:05
problem with that. But when youstart talking crazy about
01:42:05 --> 01:42:08
polygyny, or having a problemputting excess things on it, we
01:42:08 --> 01:42:10
have to get my permission, or Ihave to do that, or that's so
01:42:10 --> 01:42:13
painful, how can he do it, youadding this extra stuff on it?
01:42:13 --> 01:42:16
That is problematic, that's themeaning you're associated with it.
01:42:16 --> 01:42:20
And some of that is towing Wheredo the lines of code as though you
01:42:20 --> 01:42:25
know better than what Allah Allahsays. So again, the whole power,
01:42:25 --> 01:42:29
dynamic demand has been given thisleadership role, this man role for
01:42:29 --> 01:42:29
a reason.
01:42:31 --> 01:42:34
And if we are operating in our asour natural sales of being
01:42:34 --> 01:42:37
truthful, you may not like somethings you can make up here. When
01:42:37 --> 01:42:40
you have your own world anduniversity, you can make the rules
01:42:40 --> 01:42:43
and along the way you want. So nowwe as Muslims submit, which is the
01:42:43 --> 01:42:45
definition of Islam to be killed?
01:42:48 --> 01:42:49
I think that's,
01:42:50 --> 01:42:56
I think that speaks to that postthat I made earlier this week,
01:42:56 --> 01:43:01
based off of the comment, rightthat our sister made, and the
01:43:01 --> 01:43:05
questioning that you had up therethat survey. And that
01:43:06 --> 01:43:09
this is to say that, you know,essentially saying that, because
01:43:09 --> 01:43:14
Allah is the most generous, he'sgoing to give you a situation.
01:43:16 --> 01:43:19
He's gonna give you your own.Yeah, most generous, he will give
01:43:19 --> 01:43:21
you your own says
01:43:22 --> 01:43:25
to be someone's second, third orfourth, that was interesting.
01:43:25 --> 01:43:30
Yeah. And that's and that I thinkthat's a narrative that the system
01:43:30 --> 01:43:33
is creating. And I think that'ssomething that has to be
01:43:35 --> 01:43:38
one needs to be very mindful,because as I said, in that post,
01:43:38 --> 01:43:42
you're, you're you're puttinglimitations on your lower, you're
01:43:42 --> 01:43:48
setting a definition of box forwhat the Most Gracious actions
01:43:48 --> 01:43:52
will look like. And that's, I'm noscholar, my training is in
01:43:52 --> 01:43:56
counseling. I just leave it atthat. I think that's, that's very
01:43:58 --> 01:44:02
dangerous to be making these typeof statements. Right?
01:44:03 --> 01:44:04
Absolutely. We have.
01:44:05 --> 01:44:09
It's a coat, it's a coat, let'sjust call it what it is. It is a
01:44:09 --> 01:44:13
coat. That type of and I've seenit a lot in the chat today. That
01:44:13 --> 01:44:14
type of
01:44:16 --> 01:44:19
I want to call it like spiritualhyping up, where you know, you're
01:44:19 --> 01:44:25
kind of feeding somebody like adream. And saying that, you know,
01:44:25 --> 01:44:29
anything can happen. Anything ispossible. Like Allah is you know,
01:44:29 --> 01:44:31
when you when you invoke Allahsubhanaw taala, which we think is
01:44:31 --> 01:44:34
we know this to be true that thisis something you don't even need
01:44:34 --> 01:44:39
to say that Allah is is able toaccomplish all things, and Allah
01:44:39 --> 01:44:43
is in charge of everything. And weknow this to be true. But when you
01:44:43 --> 01:44:48
now take that concept of Allah'sMajesty and His might, and you
01:44:48 --> 01:44:52
kind of turn it on to youridealized situation and your dream
01:44:52 --> 01:44:56
and your fantasy and you say Ihave a fantasy of of getting
01:44:56 --> 01:45:00
pregnant at 50 and Allah iscapable of all things
01:45:00 --> 01:45:04
Anything can happen. So what areyou doing? Right You know, it's
01:45:04 --> 01:45:07
it's, it's, I don't want to sayit's disingenuous, but that's what
01:45:07 --> 01:45:12
it feels like. To me. It feelslike people are coping with an
01:45:12 --> 01:45:19
uncomfortable reality by quoting,a dream, a fantasy and then
01:45:19 --> 01:45:21
reading a lot into it and sayingwhat a lot can make anything
01:45:21 --> 01:45:25
happen. Why not? It could be me,you know, but that's, that's my
01:45:25 --> 01:45:29
viewpoint. Self love X SalaamAlaikum. Welcome to the stream.
01:45:29 --> 01:45:33
While living salaam Can you guyshear me? Okay. We certainly can.
01:45:34 --> 01:45:37
What you have to contribute to theconversation today? Well,
01:45:37 --> 01:45:40
hopefully this hasn't been said.But I'm just listening to
01:45:40 --> 01:45:43
everybody's comments. You know, I,you know, I agree with everybody,
01:45:43 --> 01:45:49
especially brother nazzer.Specifically, because you would
01:45:49 --> 01:45:52
definitely drop with some scienceas far as the importance and what,
01:45:52 --> 01:45:55
you know, polygyny does for a manin general, it's, it's almost
01:45:55 --> 01:45:59
like, what is it? You know, whatshould what children do for men
01:45:59 --> 01:46:02
kind of given an old man strength,you know, taking on more
01:46:02 --> 01:46:06
responsibility with women probablygives you more emotional
01:46:06 --> 01:46:10
intelligence and maturity. So Idefinitely want to echo that. But
01:46:10 --> 01:46:13
a couple things that I just wantedto add to the conversation, as,
01:46:14 --> 01:46:18
you know, just because of my ownpersonal conversation with men and
01:46:18 --> 01:46:21
women, but I think some thingsthat are plaguing the Muslim
01:46:21 --> 01:46:25
community is this this number one,I think, to what you just said,
01:46:25 --> 01:46:31
Sister, you know, people, Muslims,believe in God, but they don't
01:46:31 --> 01:46:32
believe God.
01:46:35 --> 01:46:35
Wow.
01:46:37 --> 01:46:44
Wow. Yeah. So so lost your video,brother. Video? Yeah. Yeah. So
01:46:44 --> 01:46:47
that's, that's the number oneissue plaguing our community.
01:46:47 --> 01:46:52
Number one, number two, whenpeople there's a verse in the
01:46:52 --> 01:46:56
Quran, that people that a lot ofsays don't divide into *, right,
01:46:56 --> 01:46:59
and a lot of people familiar withit. And Muslims think they're
01:46:59 --> 01:47:04
talking about Muslims. But that'snot true. He's talking about
01:47:04 --> 01:47:07
humanity, because the Quran wassent to mankind, not just the
01:47:07 --> 01:47:12
Muslims. So the solutions that arein this book, don't just apply to
01:47:12 --> 01:47:15
Muslims, they can be solved byeverybody, to everybody. And if
01:47:15 --> 01:47:20
you look at, you know, Muslimshave adopted, unfortunately, at
01:47:20 --> 01:47:23
least, well, I'm not gonna justsay American Muslims, Muslims
01:47:23 --> 01:47:31
globally, have adopted the cultureof Christianity. It's almost
01:47:31 --> 01:47:35
become like Christianity 2.0 Imean, there's words about this in
01:47:35 --> 01:47:38
the Hadith, and things of thatnature. But, you know, you'll hear
01:47:38 --> 01:47:41
Muslims say things like, Oh, wewant to get married once.
01:47:43 --> 01:47:47
And, and so what that entails thatthey do a whole bunch of, you
01:47:47 --> 01:47:53
know, haram activity, just to saveor women will, will save
01:47:53 --> 01:47:57
themselves, because they only wantto get married once, or they want
01:47:57 --> 01:48:00
to do it right. And I understandthat that's good in theory, but if
01:48:00 --> 01:48:04
you read the Quran, and that's,that's our ultimate guidance,
01:48:04 --> 01:48:09
you'll see that there are noverses that have
01:48:10 --> 01:48:17
celebrated women being alone. Anduntil Muslim, till people in
01:48:17 --> 01:48:19
general because it's not justhurting the Muslim community is
01:48:19 --> 01:48:24
hurting society as a whole. Untilwomen realize the importance, it's
01:48:24 --> 01:48:29
better to be married than alone,then we'll be able to progress as
01:48:29 --> 01:48:34
a society. Because, you know,there's too much damage done to
01:48:34 --> 01:48:37
women alone, when you look at howmuch women are in debt, and how
01:48:37 --> 01:48:42
much the capitalist structuresprey on women. If you look at, you
01:48:42 --> 01:48:45
know, women, when they talk aboutsingle women, they spend more
01:48:45 --> 01:48:48
money because they don't have anyleadership to you know,
01:48:51 --> 01:48:53
hold them accountable to theirspending and things of that
01:48:53 --> 01:48:58
nature. So we have to and if youlook at the Quran, I mean a lot of
01:48:58 --> 01:49:01
talks about polygyny, right handpossessions, I mean, all these
01:49:01 --> 01:49:05
type of things he's and he giveswomen all women can remit the
01:49:05 --> 01:49:09
dowry, like he gives women 100different ways not to be single.
01:49:09 --> 01:49:12
And the only reference that youhave about a single woman is Sarah
01:49:12 --> 01:49:17
Mariam. And even that one is not,you know, when she brought the
01:49:17 --> 01:49:22
child to the town, she said she'drather die than show be a woman
01:49:22 --> 01:49:27
single with a child. So sheherself she was, she didn't like
01:49:27 --> 01:49:31
her position, she was embarrassed.So and there's a plethora of
01:49:31 --> 01:49:33
brothers that want to take on aresponsibility, but unfortunately,
01:49:33 --> 01:49:38
I think a lot of sisters haveadopted this, you know, cultural
01:49:38 --> 01:49:42
this Christian culture, whereinstead of us leading the
01:49:42 --> 01:49:44
Christians we send to have thatculture kind of leading us.
01:49:49 --> 01:49:52
Does that kind of head on botheranyone wants to respond in Sharla
01:49:52 --> 01:49:55
to what the brother said, Thankyou so much for for that that
01:49:55 --> 01:50:00
insight. I just wanted toacknowledge my brother
01:50:00 --> 01:50:00
The surf
01:50:02 --> 01:50:08
and appreciate the VAZ Allah giveswomen 100 different ways to not be
01:50:08 --> 01:50:08
single.
01:50:11 --> 01:50:11
That's a book.
01:50:12 --> 01:50:19
Well, I mean, it's it goes back tolet me just add to that point we
01:50:19 --> 01:50:19
have
01:50:20 --> 01:50:24
there, I believe in universal law,I think what a law prescribes is
01:50:24 --> 01:50:31
universal law. And women were bornto be protected, not protectors.
01:50:33 --> 01:50:36
Okay, so if you understand thatwomen were born to be protected,
01:50:37 --> 01:50:42
and not protect doors, and there'sa very few amount of men that can
01:50:42 --> 01:50:46
actually protect women than theyshould run to that protection. But
01:50:46 --> 01:50:50
instead, they've chosen to beprotect doors. Because there's
01:50:50 --> 01:50:52
there's men, like you said,there's there's men that we want,
01:50:52 --> 01:50:56
you know, can take on theresponsibility. It's just women
01:50:56 --> 01:50:57
choose not to take it.
01:51:00 --> 01:51:03
I think that this is a this, thishas actually become really
01:51:03 --> 01:51:06
apparent in today's chat. Because
01:51:10 --> 01:51:15
I'm gonna say this, and you guyscan come from me if you want. But
01:51:15 --> 01:51:19
the masculine energy is realtoday, by the masculine energy is
01:51:19 --> 01:51:23
real in the chat today. Becauseyou see, okay, there's two things
01:51:23 --> 01:51:27
that I want to say with regards towhat you said by the chef. And
01:51:27 --> 01:51:32
that is, one of them is, intoday's society, even sisters,
01:51:33 --> 01:51:37
sisters and women in general, buteven sisters do not see the
01:51:37 --> 01:51:38
utility of a man.
01:51:40 --> 01:51:43
Unless he's fully providingfinancially. And guys, you can
01:51:43 --> 01:51:46
come in the comments, tell us whatyou think. Right. But what I'm
01:51:46 --> 01:51:50
seeing and what I'm hearing, andI'm seeing comment after comment,
01:51:50 --> 01:51:55
right, which is putting this ideathat if a man is not providing
01:51:55 --> 01:51:59
financially, like the whole thing,he's worthless, we don't need him.
01:51:59 --> 01:52:03
Okay. Well, I don't mean, well,let me let me. Let me let me
01:52:04 --> 01:52:08
interject with that.Unfortunately, unfortunately, that
01:52:08 --> 01:52:14
is true. For I would say 80% ofbrothers, because men have no idea
01:52:14 --> 01:52:18
how to display and Trinsicmasculinity, men lack integrity,
01:52:18 --> 01:52:24
men lack leadership, men lack the,you know, there's a lot of there's
01:52:24 --> 01:52:29
a lot of intrinsic value that menhave that is outside of their
01:52:29 --> 01:52:33
ability, outside of their utilitythat men were never taught or have
01:52:33 --> 01:52:37
no desire to learn. So they leadwith their money, because that's
01:52:37 --> 01:52:41
all they have. It's kind of likewith women, women have women don't
01:52:41 --> 01:52:45
know a lot of modern women don'tknow how to support a combinate,
01:52:45 --> 01:52:49
collaborate, complement a mancooperate with a man, so they lead
01:52:49 --> 01:52:53
with *. And that's all theyhave. So there's some deficiencies
01:52:53 --> 01:52:59
going on both men and women. Andso, and, and, and to me, it all
01:52:59 --> 01:53:05
boils down to the lack of truemoral guidance. Getting back to
01:53:05 --> 01:53:07
the point of that we don't webelieve in God, we don't believe
01:53:07 --> 01:53:11
God. Because you see, people arechasing happiness, the women are
01:53:11 --> 01:53:15
chasing happiness. And the men arechasing the women. Instead, men
01:53:15 --> 01:53:17
should be leading them towardscontentment. And then women should
01:53:17 --> 01:53:21
be following. And we don't know.And as a society, we don't know
01:53:21 --> 01:53:25
the difference between contentmentand happiness. And it's a huge
01:53:25 --> 01:53:29
difference. Happiness hasdiminishing returns, you know, the
01:53:29 --> 01:53:34
analogy I give is, happiness islike chasing a high, you'll never
01:53:34 --> 01:53:38
be satisfied and you can't behigh. 24/7 No, no. So So
01:53:39 --> 01:53:43
contentment is like sobriety. Youhave to you have to appreciate
01:53:43 --> 01:53:47
sobriety, and you can be sober forthe rest of your life and enjoy
01:53:47 --> 01:53:51
it. Yeah, but you have tounderstand how to do it. And I
01:53:51 --> 01:53:54
think we're lacking in that. Ithink you hit on the point. The
01:53:54 --> 01:53:58
second point that I wanted to makewhich was one sisters, women in
01:53:58 --> 01:54:02
general feeling that that youknow, basically what is the use of
01:54:02 --> 01:54:05
a man what is the point of him? Ifhe's not paying for everything,
01:54:05 --> 01:54:09
then you know, I don't need a manaround. I don't need no man really
01:54:09 --> 01:54:12
like sisters, you guys, you know,you know, you know that this is
01:54:12 --> 01:54:16
the right but But wait. The secondpoint I wanted to make was the
01:54:16 --> 01:54:22
issue of as you exactly as yousaid, A man comes with more than
01:54:22 --> 01:54:27
just a paycheck, right? A man whois in his masculine comes with far
01:54:27 --> 01:54:31
more than just the financialpeace. But as you said, if the
01:54:31 --> 01:54:36
brothers are not coming with theirmasculine frame if they're not
01:54:36 --> 01:54:39
based on the Drina they're notresponsible and taking their
01:54:39 --> 01:54:43
responsibility seriously,financially and otherwise. Then we
01:54:43 --> 01:54:46
are in a situation where sistersare like, Well, what do I need you
01:54:46 --> 01:54:50
around for? And you don't bringyou don't bring money. You don't
01:54:50 --> 01:54:52
bring structure. You don't bringroutine. You don't bring
01:54:52 --> 01:54:57
discipline. You don't bring ahigher level of anything. What am
01:54:57 --> 01:54:59
I supposed to do with you? Rightbut there's you still want to be
01:54:59 --> 01:54:59
that
01:55:00 --> 01:55:02
The leader, you still want to bethe emir, like, make it make
01:55:02 --> 01:55:07
sense? Well, well, you're right.And to add to that point, it's the
01:55:07 --> 01:55:11
you know, we live in a civilizedworld where women can provide
01:55:11 --> 01:55:14
their own, they got good jobs.Yeah. They live in gated
01:55:14 --> 01:55:18
communities. So they don'tnecessarily they got maced, they
01:55:18 --> 01:55:21
got access to guns, so they don'tneed protection. They don't need
01:55:21 --> 01:55:25
provision. So as a man, if you'renot establishing yourself as a
01:55:25 --> 01:55:30
leader providing routinediscipline, then number one, your
01:55:30 --> 01:55:33
a woman's right, she doesn't needyou. But But so that's the man.
01:55:33 --> 01:55:37
That's the man's responsibility.But the problem with women is that
01:55:37 --> 01:55:42
they don't even know how to theyreject that type of man, like
01:55:42 --> 01:55:48
women, women, there's a sayingthat women don't want the men that
01:55:48 --> 01:55:49
they need.
01:55:50 --> 01:55:52
And, and so
01:55:53 --> 01:55:57
if you ask the average woman, andI'll ask, I'll ask you sisters,
01:55:58 --> 01:56:00
what's the difference between?
01:56:01 --> 01:56:05
What's the difference between aman who cares? Like, how does a
01:56:05 --> 01:56:08
How does a woman discern thedifference between a man who cares
01:56:08 --> 01:56:13
about her versus a man who justwants to, you know, use her for
01:56:13 --> 01:56:19
her? Use her for *? Because bothof those guys provide will
01:56:19 --> 01:56:23
protect, tell you nice things? Howdoes it? How does it How does a
01:56:23 --> 01:56:26
woman tell the difference betweenthose two type of guys and your
01:56:26 --> 01:56:26
opinion?
01:56:29 --> 01:56:33
The question is a bit. I'm notfully grasping the question.
01:56:33 --> 01:56:37
Because when you say that womenwant, women don't want the men
01:56:37 --> 01:56:38
that they need,
01:56:39 --> 01:56:44
you're referring to masculine men?No, no, I'm, I'm going to
01:56:44 --> 01:56:48
enlighten the audience. Because Iasked this to my three sisters.
01:56:48 --> 01:56:52
And you know, a lot of women willcomplain about meeting the wrong
01:56:52 --> 01:56:56
guy, or, you know, they makemistakes early in life. And they
01:56:56 --> 01:57:00
say, Well, yeah, yeah, like theysaid that the F boys that they
01:57:00 --> 01:57:04
couldn't tell a difference, like,you know, all guys, you know, are
01:57:04 --> 01:57:08
nice. All guys say, you know, sayall the right things they provide,
01:57:08 --> 01:57:11
you know, so how does a woman tellthe difference between the good
01:57:11 --> 01:57:15
guy from the bad guys, and theycouldn't figure it out? And so,
01:57:15 --> 01:57:17
and I don't even know how Ifigured it out. But I wanted to
01:57:17 --> 01:57:20
propose a theory, because I thinkit's the right answer. But also,
01:57:20 --> 01:57:23
before I give the answer, I wantedto get your thoughts. So does that
01:57:23 --> 01:57:28
make sense now? If it makes sense,I'm not sure in terms of the
01:57:28 --> 01:57:32
context with with with Muslims. Idon't know how it plays out.
01:57:33 --> 01:57:37
Because I think most sisters onhere are that the issue of
01:57:37 --> 01:57:40
provision is always a big deal.And its provision in marriage,
01:57:40 --> 01:57:44
right? So yes, in the largersociety, there is that you know,
01:57:44 --> 01:57:47
going for the wrong guy, as yousaid, going for the guys who've
01:57:47 --> 01:57:51
got the swag but don't really havewhat she needs. But again, brother
01:57:51 --> 01:57:54
Nason and I we disagree. Wedisagree on the issue of you know,
01:57:54 --> 01:57:59
kind of what sisters do and whosesisters are so maybe
01:58:00 --> 01:58:04
this is important for you justdon't don't lose your your point.
01:58:06 --> 01:58:08
With just because this is abackground, it's important you
01:58:09 --> 01:58:16
sister Nyima has a very, very as Iwould say limited view of what
01:58:17 --> 01:58:24
constitutes sisters. My definitionof Sisters is very expansive. I
01:58:24 --> 01:58:27
eat those of our sisters thatbelieve in Allah and His
01:58:27 --> 01:58:32
Messenger, but also may be out inthose streets. Well,
01:58:34 --> 01:58:39
those sisters are also in the boxof sisters for me, sister 19. Let
01:58:39 --> 01:58:46
me just limited a little bit moreand not really include our sisters
01:58:46 --> 01:58:51
that may be out in those streets.What? Well, I will say that the
01:58:51 --> 01:58:56
prescription that a lot reveals tomankind is more on the expansive
01:58:56 --> 01:58:59
tip. Because when he wants tospecify an audience, he'll say,
01:58:59 --> 01:59:04
Oh, you, Oh, you who believe. Andthose are the believers. But but
01:59:04 --> 01:59:08
that's very rare. Most of it isexpansive, and it's for the
01:59:08 --> 01:59:13
general public, regardless offaith. And so, so what so, so
01:59:13 --> 01:59:16
much, but the answer to thequestion based on what my you
01:59:16 --> 01:59:19
know, my personal experience, andjust from having this question,
01:59:19 --> 01:59:24
but the difference between a manthat cares about you, versus the
01:59:24 --> 01:59:30
man that doesn't are the is theman that corrects you, and coaches
01:59:30 --> 01:59:34
you cares about you? And the guyand the guy who doesn't? He
01:59:34 --> 01:59:37
doesn't, because you gotta thinkabout it. There's a saying that
01:59:37 --> 01:59:41
says a Christian verb, Christianbible verse, Spare the rod, spoil
01:59:41 --> 01:59:47
the child. And so any man whomarries a woman, he's armed, he's
01:59:47 --> 01:59:50
signing up to be a coach to acertain extent, he's dealing with
01:59:50 --> 01:59:55
you. And for most guys, you know,the old saying is that men pay
01:59:55 --> 01:59:59
prostitutes to leave. So we don'thave to deal with you
02:00:00 --> 02:00:04
So a lot of women don't understandthat, that when that man is
02:00:04 --> 02:00:08
coaching them, and trying to leadthem and establish masculinity and
02:00:08 --> 02:00:12
routine and structure, they rejectthat man.
02:00:13 --> 02:00:18
They resent he's controlling, he'scontrolling, toxic. It was a
02:00:18 --> 02:00:22
narcissist. I couldn't be free. Icouldn't be myself. Yeah, I mean,
02:00:22 --> 02:00:26
yeah, you got it. And so and thereason why is because a lot of
02:00:26 --> 02:00:29
them lack that understanding intheir homes because their fathers
02:00:29 --> 02:00:33
weren't in it. And so Oh, theyfathers were in it, but we're
02:00:33 --> 02:00:38
passive. Correct, which happens alot. Correct. So so, you know, and
02:00:38 --> 02:00:42
this and I think men canunderstand this concept a little
02:00:42 --> 02:00:46
bit better, because we get exposedto tough love, and coaching and
02:00:46 --> 02:00:51
team sports a lot more than womendo. So we've had that tough coach
02:00:51 --> 02:00:55
that was on us, and then werealize how beneficial it was, but
02:00:55 --> 02:00:58
women, especially the moreattractive women, you know, the
02:00:58 --> 02:01:01
more attractive a woman is, themore empowered she is she becomes,
02:01:01 --> 02:01:05
the more murderer she gets awaywith, the less coaching she's
02:01:05 --> 02:01:09
going to receive. Because herbeauty is just going to make it
02:01:09 --> 02:01:13
difficult for a man or rather justsay, You know what, it ain't worth
02:01:13 --> 02:01:16
it. Let me just get to business.Yeah, girl girl power. You got it.
02:01:16 --> 02:01:19
Girl strong woman. Yes. You got itgirl. Yes.
02:01:22 --> 02:01:26
This boss chick energy. I have tospeak on this guys, because I've
02:01:26 --> 02:01:30
been seeing this in some of ourspaces, even in the Muslim space.
02:01:30 --> 02:01:34
And of course, in general culture.You know, and I've said this
02:01:34 --> 02:01:37
before, is that the the type offeminism feminism in general, but
02:01:37 --> 02:01:42
certainly the feminism of today.It breeds a certain level of
02:01:42 --> 02:01:47
entitlement, which is veryunattractive in general, right?
02:01:47 --> 02:01:51
But it's especially on attractiveto men. And if you are
02:01:51 --> 02:01:56
heterosexual, then that is a bitof an issue. Okay. You may say, I
02:01:56 --> 02:01:59
don't need a man's approval, whyshould I care what men think,
02:01:59 --> 02:02:03
which is to say as well, and whenI say sisters, in this context, I
02:02:03 --> 02:02:07
actually mean sisters who considerthemselves practicing. I'm not
02:02:07 --> 02:02:10
talking about sisters who are likeout there doing whatever. I mean,
02:02:10 --> 02:02:13
sisters, who you see they'rewearing hijab, they quote Quran
02:02:13 --> 02:02:17
they quote, Hadith, but they willsay things like, we don't care
02:02:17 --> 02:02:22
what men think. We are not here toworship men. We don't need a man's
02:02:22 --> 02:02:25
approval. Right. And as I've saidbefore, why is that a straight
02:02:25 --> 02:02:29
textbook feminism coming through?Right, that is straight textbook
02:02:29 --> 02:02:34
anti patriarchy. Qlm. Right. Well,so Well, let me let me, let me add
02:02:34 --> 02:02:38
to that point, if unattractive andhom*osexual relationships, in fact,
02:02:38 --> 02:02:41
you know, that's one of the that'sone of the signs of a law that
02:02:41 --> 02:02:46
hom*osexuality isn't sustainable,because hom*osexual communities,
02:02:46 --> 02:02:49
they understand gender rolesbetter than heterosexual
02:02:49 --> 02:02:52
communities. Do you see theirsuccessful relationship? The man
02:02:52 --> 02:02:56
or, you know, he's clearly got thepants on he that those gender
02:02:56 --> 02:02:59
roles are clearly defined, and ourrelationship and heterosexual you
02:02:59 --> 02:03:02
know, we fighting over who'sgonna, you know, pick out dinner,
02:03:02 --> 02:03:05
what have you, it's a struggleevery day, because you got you
02:03:05 --> 02:03:09
have men who are independent, andwe teach women to be independent.
02:03:09 --> 02:03:14
And when you have two peopleplaying the same role, you don't,
02:03:14 --> 02:03:17
they don't, they're not partners,they become rivals. It becomes,
02:03:17 --> 02:03:20
you know, in sports, they call ita quarterback controversy. You
02:03:20 --> 02:03:24
know, you can't have two peopleplaying the same role. And we're
02:03:24 --> 02:03:28
supposed to be independent. Butwomen have lost faith and men and
02:03:28 --> 02:03:31
maybe society that they don't wantto be dependent. And that's the
02:03:31 --> 02:03:34
problem. They don't want to playtheir role they were born to play.
02:03:35 --> 02:03:41
Yeah. Do you want to jump in therecoach, Miss Nelson, or coach
02:03:41 --> 02:03:44
Nazir, before we let someone elseonto the screen and go on to the
02:03:44 --> 02:03:46
next. The next point?
02:03:49 --> 02:03:53
I think I think well is you know,everybody's, you get the point. So
02:03:53 --> 02:03:57
I just want to get back to more tothe polygyny part and where that
02:03:57 --> 02:04:01
plays, but absolutely, I like theuse of is really young make some
02:04:01 --> 02:04:03
good comments as well in the chat.But that's
02:04:05 --> 02:04:08
by the use of is trying to getsmoke. That's what Brother Yousef
02:04:08 --> 02:04:10
is doing in the chat right now.Okay, I think we can agree with
02:04:10 --> 02:04:13
that. He's just trying to bringthe smoke. Okay, let's go to this
02:04:13 --> 02:04:16
one. Okay, let's go to chaptertwo. topic three, accepting an
02:04:16 --> 02:04:20
offer of marriage from a brotherwho is already married, is
02:04:20 --> 02:04:24
settling. This came up a lot. It'scoming up a lot in the chat. It's
02:04:24 --> 02:04:28
come on, come up a lot in thecomments. Basically, the idea that
02:04:30 --> 02:04:33
I should hold out for an offerfrom a guy who's not married
02:04:33 --> 02:04:37
because I don't want to settle andit's not what I want for myself,
02:04:37 --> 02:04:41
therefore, I rather you know, evenif he has all the traits, I'm out
02:04:42 --> 02:04:45
because I refuse to settle. And itsays in the chat are saying the
02:04:45 --> 02:04:49
same thing. Sisters Don't settle.Allah has a plan for you. Allah
02:04:49 --> 02:04:51
has something written for youdon't ever settle. What are your
02:04:51 --> 02:04:54
thoughts on that? Guys? We needsome more ladies to come out of
02:04:54 --> 02:04:58
this debate, please. I'll gofirst. Only because I'm going to
02:04:58 --> 02:04:59
be brief.
02:05:00 --> 02:05:02
Just accept the consequences thatcome with it.
02:05:04 --> 02:05:09
Just accept the consequences thatyou are choosing to hold out for
02:05:09 --> 02:05:13
what you believe you deserve iethe entitlement. And since you
02:05:13 --> 02:05:17
might be right, roll the dice,which might crap out.
02:05:19 --> 02:05:23
And it's just strict. You strictlycat litter and cats and dogs for
02:05:23 --> 02:05:26
the rest of your life. Okay, letme hold on a second. Wait, let me
02:05:26 --> 02:05:30
let me let me on behalf of thesisters in the chat, who I'm sure
02:05:30 --> 02:05:36
are thinking this. What's so wrongwith that? Wrong with what? What's
02:05:36 --> 02:05:39
wrong? What's wrong with nevergetting married? What's wrong with
02:05:39 --> 02:05:43
if I didn't get what I wanted? Andwhat I felt I deserved? What's
02:05:43 --> 02:05:47
wrong with me just being okay withbeing on my own hamdulillah living
02:05:47 --> 02:05:51
my life for the sake of Allah andgoing to leave a house? What's
02:05:51 --> 02:05:55
wrong with that? hamdulillah inlike I've said on previous
02:05:55 --> 02:06:00
conversations that we've had, ifyou can do it, and preserve your
02:06:00 --> 02:06:04
deen and not fall into the Haramthat says, Do you.
02:06:06 --> 02:06:12
But what I find what I find israrely do sisters not fall into
02:06:12 --> 02:06:16
haram behavior. And or rarely dothey not have mental health
02:06:16 --> 02:06:17
issues.
02:06:18 --> 02:06:24
Now I don't know if those two areworth readjusting, reevaluating
02:06:24 --> 02:06:30
your standards and taking on oraccepting polygyny. That's even
02:06:30 --> 02:06:34
and this is with the assumptionthat you even qualify for it. That
02:06:34 --> 02:06:39
exception as a second way, becauseif we're talking about quality man
02:06:39 --> 02:06:44
and cautions you I'm sure you willspeak on this. It is that element
02:06:44 --> 02:06:46
of the responsibility.
02:06:47 --> 02:06:51
Who I want to take on thatresponsibility. And what am I
02:06:51 --> 02:06:52
getting in exchange?
02:06:53 --> 02:06:54
i This isn't very,
02:06:56 --> 02:07:01
right. So I think there's I thinkthere's that element of so to
02:07:01 --> 02:07:04
answer your question, I'll comeback and I'll stop. Because I want
02:07:04 --> 02:07:07
to hit with the brothers have tosay is just this this element of
02:07:07 --> 02:07:10
look, if you can handle the cost
02:07:11 --> 02:07:14
that your narratives produce,
02:07:15 --> 02:07:16
then fine.
02:07:17 --> 02:07:21
Keep your cat cats typically makesa dude as well. When you get on
02:07:21 --> 02:07:24
your prayer. Well, no problemstypically come right beside you.
02:07:24 --> 02:07:26
So you get your cats and yourdogs. It's good.
02:07:28 --> 02:07:29
I'm not a guest
02:07:33 --> 02:07:37
I think I'll go second, I'll bebrief. Because I want to hear what
02:07:37 --> 02:07:40
Kushner said I think he's gonnahave the best answer to all of us.
02:07:40 --> 02:07:48
So I say the best for last. But Ithink that sisters, people have to
02:07:48 --> 02:07:49
really dig deep to decide,
02:07:51 --> 02:07:53
you know, what they want to dowith their life and what our
02:07:53 --> 02:07:59
purpose is in life. And, you know,I always tell people don't be a
02:07:59 --> 02:08:04
sewer rat. And I mean, what I meanby that is sewer rats, eat, sleep,
02:08:05 --> 02:08:09
take care of their kids, go towork and find food and take care
02:08:09 --> 02:08:13
of their families. And that's whatmajority of that's a very surface
02:08:13 --> 02:08:17
existence. Okay, that's what sewerrats do. So when you have an
02:08:17 --> 02:08:20
opportunity for personaldevelopment, because sewer rats
02:08:20 --> 02:08:23
don't get married, they just have*, sewer rats
02:08:25 --> 02:08:29
can't, can't level up, go tocollege become CEO become leader,
02:08:29 --> 02:08:33
they just, they're just 100%instinctual. So when you have an
02:08:33 --> 02:08:38
opportunity to go above yourprimal needs, and actually go
02:08:38 --> 02:08:41
towards personal development,which is what God is, that's
02:08:41 --> 02:08:46
pretty much the the purpose oflife, in my opinion. Don't resist
02:08:46 --> 02:08:50
it, just to become a sewer rat.Right? So there are going to be
02:08:50 --> 02:08:52
opportunities and all of ourlives, we're gonna have to show
02:08:52 --> 02:08:57
compassion, intestinal fortitude,some discomfort to grow
02:08:57 --> 02:09:01
spiritually, and emotionally andwe should embrace those things.
02:09:01 --> 02:09:05
And so when you're single, andyou're in your basically primal
02:09:05 --> 02:09:08
needs, and you've hadopportunities to grow, and you
02:09:08 --> 02:09:13
turn them down, I think that thatstunted growth to Nasser's point
02:09:13 --> 02:09:17
is going to affect your mental ithas to it's supposed to. And for
02:09:17 --> 02:09:21
women who choose not to be in asuit, to not be in a protected
02:09:21 --> 02:09:26
position. And instead of being aprotector, you know, you succeeded
02:09:26 --> 02:09:30
in life as a man and failed as awoman. And if you're okay with
02:09:30 --> 02:09:34
that, that will be like theequivalent of a man who never got
02:09:34 --> 02:09:35
out of his mom's basem*nt
02:09:36 --> 02:09:40
and live off mom the entire life.You will if you're okay with that
02:09:40 --> 02:09:43
as a man living in your mom'sbasem*nt, you know, women will
02:09:43 --> 02:09:44
call that guy loser
02:09:46 --> 02:09:49
you know was never able to createany
02:09:50 --> 02:09:55
trend. No legacy can't talk towomen. You know, a woman will call
02:09:55 --> 02:09:57
that guy loser all day longbecause he's He's stayed and
02:09:57 --> 02:10:00
independent role instead of being
02:10:00 --> 02:10:03
Independent. So he stayed in arole he was born not to play. So I
02:10:03 --> 02:10:06
will say the same thing from awoman that she stayed in a
02:10:06 --> 02:10:10
independent role. You know, she'sfailed as a woman. So she's okay
02:10:10 --> 02:10:12
with that, you know, I thinkthere's gonna be some
02:10:12 --> 02:10:14
psychological effects to that.
02:10:16 --> 02:10:20
Wow, Steve, it's actually it'sactually it's deep. This this
02:10:20 --> 02:10:23
issue is deep, because I see, I'veseen many,
02:10:24 --> 02:10:26
many sisters online,
02:10:27 --> 02:10:31
who haven't been able to getmarried. And I know, they, they
02:10:31 --> 02:10:34
had wanted to, at some point. And,you know,
02:10:35 --> 02:10:40
we all need a way to, to coperight with life situations. And
02:10:43 --> 02:10:45
it's difficult, because
02:10:46 --> 02:10:52
what feels good, and what feelssupportive, and what feels like
02:10:52 --> 02:10:56
the nice thing to uplift peoplewho are in a situation that they
02:10:56 --> 02:10:59
hadn't chosen. Like, at somepoint, they thought they would be
02:10:59 --> 02:11:02
married by now, you know, thesisters who thought I would be
02:11:02 --> 02:11:04
married by now I thought I'd havekids by now.
02:11:05 --> 02:11:09
You know, it is a kind ofspiritual coping mechanism, right?
02:11:09 --> 02:11:13
Whereas a lot didn't plan it forme. A lot didn't want it for me.
02:11:13 --> 02:11:16
Maybe this is a lost plan. For me,maybe Allah is keeping me from
02:11:16 --> 02:11:20
something, which I think isimportant, because life can be
02:11:20 --> 02:11:24
that difficult that we do need tobelieve that there is a reason for
02:11:24 --> 02:11:28
why things have happened. That isdivine, right. But it's also
02:11:28 --> 02:11:34
important to self reflect and lookat our own choices and our own
02:11:34 --> 02:11:39
behaviors, to see if there'sanything that we we did to bring
02:11:39 --> 02:11:42
ourselves to the space that we'rein now. And I think that's the
02:11:42 --> 02:11:45
only thing that I would say isthat you know, 100 rely on Allah
02:11:46 --> 02:11:50
and cleave to him, right, becausethat's the way to keep yourself
02:11:50 --> 02:11:54
from despair. And from feelinglike a complete failure and losing
02:11:54 --> 02:11:58
hope in Allah's mercy, right andin whatever good Allah has for
02:11:58 --> 02:12:03
you. But don't use that as acrutch, to avoid a cold, hard look
02:12:03 --> 02:12:07
at the choices that you made. Andwhat brought you to this place
02:12:07 --> 02:12:10
that you're in now, which youdidn't want to be in. And if there
02:12:10 --> 02:12:14
are any adjustments you can makemoving forward, then be okay with
02:12:14 --> 02:12:17
making those adjustments. Becausethat spiritual crutch of Well
02:12:17 --> 02:12:19
obviously, Allah didn't plan it.For me, obviously, I didn't want
02:12:19 --> 02:12:24
it for me, it can be a cover foryou having expectations that are
02:12:24 --> 02:12:28
maybe too high demands that aretoo unrealistic, having a
02:12:28 --> 02:12:31
combative attitude, or just beingentitled or just when you meet
02:12:31 --> 02:12:34
people or not meeting people orjust you know, all of the stuff
02:12:34 --> 02:12:38
that we actually do in our livesthat, you know, gives us a result.
02:12:38 --> 02:12:41
So I guess I just wanted to throwthat reminder in there brother,
02:12:41 --> 02:12:41
because he
02:12:44 --> 02:12:48
settling? The question is reallyinteresting, because it's not
02:12:48 --> 02:12:50
about being single. It's not aboutyou know, what's wrong with being
02:12:50 --> 02:12:54
single. That's not the issue. Theissue was initially stated that
02:12:54 --> 02:12:58
someone wanted to be yoursettling, if you become a second
02:12:58 --> 02:13:00
one. Alright, so
02:13:01 --> 02:13:05
you know, subsequent why considersuddenly? Hmm. And then I'd rather
02:13:05 --> 02:13:10
be single than be married as asecond wife. That's the logic
02:13:10 --> 02:13:13
behind it. What I'm hearing andthen what so that would be a
02:13:13 --> 02:13:18
single Well, we from we Muslims, Imean, if we don't know the sermon
02:13:18 --> 02:13:21
perfectly satisfied when it comesto Barrett, one, being happier
02:13:21 --> 02:13:24
Dean, right? Just a little a fewreminders can benefit the
02:13:24 --> 02:13:28
believers, what is happening inthis marriage from the summary
02:13:28 --> 02:13:31
properly set up slow work, therewere three gentlemen occasionally,
02:13:31 --> 02:13:34
I'm gonna, I'm not gonna stay awayfrom women. Right? It's gonna be
02:13:34 --> 02:13:37
still a bit of hotel, I'm gonnafast all the time. And then
02:13:37 --> 02:13:40
someone will prey on night.Because of some say he does all of
02:13:40 --> 02:13:43
these things. And he's better thanthem. You know, those who don't do
02:13:43 --> 02:13:47
this. It's not for my soon. So oneof them is married. All right,
02:13:47 --> 02:13:49
then, of course, we have yournatural rights and the process.
02:13:49 --> 02:13:52
I'm also married have a bunch ofkids, he was at the biggest one.
02:13:53 --> 02:13:57
So this is the urgency kind of putwith it. Right? As Muslims, this
02:13:57 --> 02:14:00
is our advice. Now, does that meanyou have to do it? No, it doesn't.
02:14:00 --> 02:14:03
But does it mean that you'resettling? If you have a good man
02:14:03 --> 02:14:07
that meets all these criteria, inthe YouTubes and think that
02:14:07 --> 02:14:10
something else is going to happen?We have to understand, we do not
02:14:10 --> 02:14:16
define what success is? No, only alots of other does. If you really
02:14:16 --> 02:14:18
want to get into it, look, it'sattached to this sort of cool
02:14:18 --> 02:14:24
Rouge. Okay, take a look at this.These people who were successful,
02:14:25 --> 02:14:29
alright, successful, will jump inthe fire. They were the ones who
02:14:29 --> 02:14:33
are successful. Don't we knowabout the prophets who were killed
02:14:33 --> 02:14:37
even sawed in half. They were theones who are successful pain,
02:14:38 --> 02:14:43
dying shahada under the sort ofthese are the ones who will
02:14:43 --> 02:14:46
determine success. The soul thatwe have in the body that is
02:14:46 --> 02:14:49
currently housing doesn't evenbelong to us and he's got to
02:14:49 --> 02:14:54
return to that creative. So I wantto do as much as I can to get as
02:14:54 --> 02:14:56
many blessings as I can.
02:14:57 --> 02:14:59
So with that being said, we don'tdiminish me
02:15:00 --> 02:15:02
Because now again if you'rediminishing polygyny, oh, you know
02:15:03 --> 02:15:05
he's coming he's already marriedlet me let you know some let me
02:15:05 --> 02:15:10
let you know some says you have anabsolute right to marry a married
02:15:10 --> 02:15:13
Muslim man. How about that? That'sthe conversation we don't really
02:15:13 --> 02:15:14
hear about. Oh,
02:15:16 --> 02:15:18
hold on hold on. Coach Nazir haschosen violence today.
02:15:22 --> 02:15:27
But you have the right to marry amarried Muslim man, he fits those
02:15:27 --> 02:15:32
qualities and everything else. Itticks those boxes. There it will
02:15:32 --> 02:15:35
be Who've you to actually have agood marriage with someone who's a
02:15:35 --> 02:15:40
leader. Alright with someone who'sproviding property he met someone
02:15:40 --> 02:15:44
who's qualified to do so that'swhat a successful men depending on
02:15:44 --> 02:15:48
that definition of success we giveit are going to live in the
02:15:48 --> 02:15:52
successful men are going to workto become more because they GQ is
02:15:52 --> 02:15:57
high, the growth quotient is high.And in doing so, in being more
02:15:57 --> 02:16:00
that's when you leave a legacy.You know, or of course, you know,
02:16:00 --> 02:16:03
you can go ahead combat combataddiction, whether it's *
02:16:03 --> 02:16:06
addiction, alcohol addiction, drugaddiction, whether you're talking
02:16:06 --> 02:16:08
about being beat up, becausethat's not like domestic violence,
02:16:08 --> 02:16:12
that being physically beat doesn'thappen in our homes, or recording.
02:16:12 --> 02:16:14
Xenon is cheating. You know, Imean, I don't care if you're
02:16:14 --> 02:16:17
talking about people like TonyRamadan, Derek Jackson, named
02:16:17 --> 02:16:20
Reverend Jesse Jackson, it doesn'treally matter what you got
02:16:20 --> 02:16:24
somebody that has good morals, andhas that ability, then it'd be
02:16:24 --> 02:16:29
best for you to follow more of theSunnah and get more Baraka before
02:16:29 --> 02:16:34
your souls checkout date comes,that's what I was saying. I have
02:16:34 --> 02:16:37
to, I can marry two wives, I'mmore interested in getting my
02:16:37 --> 02:16:41
children married. But do I notthink that the way I have things
02:16:41 --> 02:16:43
set up and stuff from our family,for the mere third wife, it's
02:16:43 --> 02:16:46
gonna be hard for me, it's notgonna be hard for me, even if I
02:16:46 --> 02:16:48
get more gray hairs and stuffcoming on, it's not gonna be
02:16:48 --> 02:16:48
difficult.
02:16:49 --> 02:16:51
You know, but I'm more interestedin making sure this next
02:16:51 --> 02:16:55
generation gets stuff down. And Iknow what I'll be able to provide
02:16:55 --> 02:16:58
bring to that person, but she gotto be able to qualify to become an
02:16:58 --> 02:17:04
extra wife. To me, that's more ofa challenge. Nevertheless, it's
02:17:04 --> 02:17:08
not settling in that entitlementmentality that we tend to have
02:17:09 --> 02:17:12
just for persons being you deservebetter. If I don't know your
02:17:12 --> 02:17:15
background, your resume said whatyou deserve, how they deserve
02:17:15 --> 02:17:16
exactly what you have.
02:17:17 --> 02:17:21
But if we are focusing on personalgrowth, it we tend to attract
02:17:22 --> 02:17:25
different energy and people intoour lives, versus being that one
02:17:25 --> 02:17:28
to just sitting there waiting andnot being known or not, or not
02:17:28 --> 02:17:30
other people, you know, sharinggood qualities and what they're
02:17:30 --> 02:17:33
looking for and letting thingshappen. Because of course, you
02:17:33 --> 02:17:37
trust it a lot to have. You got atitle Campbell first. So we let
02:17:37 --> 02:17:41
you know the title Campbell, don'tpass up the blessings that come
02:17:41 --> 02:17:44
your way, just because you thinkit should look a certain way,
02:17:44 --> 02:17:48
please, I believe believe it andwe've got the whole syrup, the
02:17:48 --> 02:17:51
whole Meccan period of what whathappened for all these years, all
02:17:51 --> 02:17:55
this struggle before progress,which is nothing but the story of
02:17:55 --> 02:17:59
humanity struggle in progress. Soanyway, that's what I'm saying.
02:18:01 --> 02:18:04
And I Please, brother, Seth, go,it's actually wild to me that
02:18:04 --> 02:18:08
we've got brothers on here tryingto convince sisters to look after
02:18:08 --> 02:18:11
their own best interests andactually open up their pool. But
02:18:11 --> 02:18:14
you know, and there's thisresistance there. It's quite wild
02:18:14 --> 02:18:19
to me. Go ahead, brother. Well,I'm gonna add to what he said. And
02:18:19 --> 02:18:21
but on two points, you know, withthe whole settling component,
02:18:22 --> 02:18:23
settling component,
02:18:24 --> 02:18:29
you know, you look at what the,the non Muslims are doing. When
02:18:29 --> 02:18:34
you talk about, you know, you got,they're evolving. They're taking
02:18:34 --> 02:18:39
on situation ships, openmarriages, friends with benefits,
02:18:39 --> 02:18:44
entanglements. These things havebecome accepted forms of
02:18:44 --> 02:18:49
relationships that they're doing.And I don't think they look at it
02:18:49 --> 02:18:55
as settled and there and there areno boundaries, restrictions, God
02:18:55 --> 02:18:58
consciousness for honor in any ofthose aforementioned
02:18:58 --> 02:19:01
relationships, and they're doingthem and they're doing them
02:19:01 --> 02:19:05
publicly and accepting the brothermentioned Nick Cannon, earlier.
02:19:05 --> 02:19:07
And, you know, you see all thistype of stuff. And they're
02:19:07 --> 02:19:09
thriving. I mean, they're,they're,
02:19:10 --> 02:19:14
they're, they're promoting it. Andwe, as Muslims have this as
02:19:14 --> 02:19:21
guidance. We have a prophet as anexample. And we're, we're almost
02:19:21 --> 02:19:27
ashamed. And solos, so when asister says settling, it's like
02:19:27 --> 02:19:30
you're frowning upon somethingthat is a benefit, because let's
02:19:30 --> 02:19:35
be honest, you have 90% of womencompeting for the top 10% of guys.
02:19:35 --> 02:19:39
So instead of settling, it shouldbe a mercy because if it were not
02:19:39 --> 02:19:41
there, then you would have anexcuse on judgment day you can say
02:19:41 --> 02:19:45
on judgment if polygyny didn'texist, and was one moment one man,
02:19:45 --> 02:19:48
then you can go to God on judgmentday and say, You know what, I
02:19:48 --> 02:19:52
couldn't find them because it'sone on one limited guys, but you
02:19:52 --> 02:19:55
can't you can't say nothing whenyou got a guy has four so I'm
02:19:55 --> 02:19:57
gonna say women, you can't look atit from settling and then from the
02:19:57 --> 02:20:00
man's perspective, men gotta stepthere.
02:20:00 --> 02:20:03
game up and not be afraid to,
02:20:04 --> 02:20:09
you know, follow God instead offollowing their wives. Because for
02:20:09 --> 02:20:14
a woman, what I've learned for awoman, the only thing worse than a
02:20:14 --> 02:20:16
man she can't control is a manthat she can.
02:20:19 --> 02:20:28
And to, to an outside of, youknow, a man that's not led by God
02:20:28 --> 02:20:30
will be a sucker for a woman.
02:20:32 --> 02:20:40
Because, quite frankly, outside ofGod, more important or stronger to
02:20:40 --> 02:20:41
a man than a woman.
02:20:42 --> 02:20:49
So, you know, and I find it veryrich, how women, you know, you'll
02:20:49 --> 02:20:50
see people who are,
02:20:51 --> 02:20:56
you know, a woman will will dealwith a man who doesn't pray, who
02:20:56 --> 02:20:59
doesn't fast, but
02:21:00 --> 02:21:05
she won't, she won't tolerate himhaving a second wife. It's a
02:21:05 --> 02:21:11
distortion in the reality isbecause her ego is I am God.
02:21:12 --> 02:21:16
You know, you can, it's okay todisobey God, it's okay to cheat on
02:21:16 --> 02:21:20
God and her perspective, it's notokay to cheat on me. And it's
02:21:20 --> 02:21:24
become it's a, it's a diseasefrom, you know, American culture
02:21:24 --> 02:21:29
that spread within, you know, theMuslim world. And it's sad. So,
02:21:30 --> 02:21:35
it's, it's, so men have to take itupon themselves to calibrate. And,
02:21:36 --> 02:21:36
and I think,
02:21:38 --> 02:21:41
if they did that, it's going to bedifficult, it's going to be an
02:21:41 --> 02:21:45
adjustment period. But if they'rea good man, and they've done the
02:21:45 --> 02:21:49
necessary work, you know, I thinkthe good women will acquiesce
02:21:51 --> 02:21:55
and follow suit. So, but that'sthe problem. So men need to step
02:21:55 --> 02:21:59
up and make themselves moreattractive and more, you know,
02:21:59 --> 02:22:02
take on more responsibility, andwomen need to, you know, change
02:22:02 --> 02:22:06
their mindset of this settling,because it's ridiculous. Being
02:22:06 --> 02:22:07
alone is settling.
02:22:09 --> 02:22:14
Oh, yeah. Coach, Coach nnessee.NASA, can you put that in the
02:22:14 --> 02:22:18
chat, please? Because you've beentaking several quotes for that one
02:22:18 --> 02:22:22
being alone is settling. You'vebeen you've been if you if you've
02:22:22 --> 02:22:24
gone to you, as a woman, like Isaid, if you've gone through your
02:22:24 --> 02:22:28
life as a man, and you've beenyou've been dependent your entire
02:22:28 --> 02:22:31
life as a man, you've been in,you've been dependent on you're
02:22:31 --> 02:22:35
living in your mama's basem*nt andyour cat, you have failed as a man
02:22:35 --> 02:22:38
and succeeded as a woman. And as awoman, if you have been
02:22:38 --> 02:22:43
independent your entire life, payfor yourself on your own doors,
02:22:43 --> 02:22:47
bought your own brunch, paid allyour own bills, you succeeded as a
02:22:47 --> 02:22:48
man and you failed as a woman.
02:22:50 --> 02:22:53
And if you're okay with that, andthen I can tell you.
02:22:54 --> 02:22:57
No, there is nothing to be said. Ijust want to quickly go around the
02:22:57 --> 02:23:01
room and see and brother, AbdulHalim, please feel free to unmute
02:23:01 --> 02:23:05
because you are in the industry insha Allah. Do you agree with this
02:23:05 --> 02:23:10
quote? The ones like me aren'tready to do it. The quiet ones do
02:23:10 --> 02:23:12
it silently and out here winningWhat do you think? Is that true?
02:23:13 --> 02:23:16
In your some extent? Yes. Yes, Ido agree. Yes, I do. Okay.
02:23:17 --> 02:23:20
And I just wanted to add on tothe, to the point, the topic,
02:23:21 --> 02:23:25
it doesn't just stop at peoplecalling, calling, it's settling.
02:23:25 --> 02:23:28
Because I'm actually watched apodcast, I'm not going to mention
02:23:28 --> 02:23:31
the sisters, one of the sistersactually went as far as saying,
02:23:31 --> 02:23:34
you know, the second wife is, youknow, a sister with low standards,
02:23:34 --> 02:23:37
you know, it's not just justsettling, it's like, low
02:23:37 --> 02:23:42
standards. So um, I think it alsocomes down to, you know,
02:23:42 --> 02:23:45
assistance, Muslim sisters, wepride ourselves, you pride
02:23:45 --> 02:23:49
yourself on being the primaryeducators of the Ummah and, you
02:23:49 --> 02:23:53
know, being, you know, these,these high value mothers who
02:23:53 --> 02:23:56
educate the children, when stufflike this hits the fan, you know,
02:23:56 --> 02:23:59
they start blaming the scholarsand other scholars don't pay too
02:23:59 --> 02:24:02
much attention on the women andall of this. And it's like, Well,
02:24:02 --> 02:24:05
are you really doing your part, aswell as this, you know, and the
02:24:05 --> 02:24:08
brothers as well, like, take agood look at your son, and your
02:24:08 --> 02:24:11
daughters and understand that, inthe future, there could be
02:24:12 --> 02:24:15
husbands to the second, third orfourth wife, and your daughter
02:24:15 --> 02:24:19
could be a third or fourth, orsecond wife, or even a first wife,
02:24:19 --> 02:24:22
who's going to be receiving anincoming second or third or fourth
02:24:22 --> 02:24:25
wave. Have you done enough toactually equip these children to
02:24:25 --> 02:24:29
actually, in the case of boys toactually be able to look after
02:24:29 --> 02:24:34
these young women, and in the caseof girls to be able to cope with,
02:24:34 --> 02:24:37
you know, the emotional rollercoasters of accepting, you know,
02:24:37 --> 02:24:40
these are the sisters that arecoming into the marriage. So,
02:24:41 --> 02:24:45
yeah, I think it's down to theeducation and I think in Islam as
02:24:45 --> 02:24:49
well, there's a top down approach.I mean, a bottom down approach, if
02:24:49 --> 02:24:52
you raised the children, right,you know, the future's looking
02:24:52 --> 02:24:52
bright
02:24:54 --> 02:24:57
that's all I just had to say.Mashallah, I love that. Thank you
02:24:57 --> 02:24:59
so much. You waited so patientlyto be able to get up
02:25:00 --> 02:25:03
Stop, just look. Thank you so, somuch.
02:25:04 --> 02:25:09
Lots of shifts I'm seeing in thecomments, which is nice. We're
02:25:09 --> 02:25:11
seeing people start to actuallykind of
02:25:13 --> 02:25:15
widen their thinking, which iswonderful.
02:25:17 --> 02:25:22
Um, okay, so I have a last topichere.
02:25:23 --> 02:25:30
And this is the killer. And it wasa huge one in the comments all
02:25:30 --> 02:25:35
week. And that is sisters,definitely definitely, definitely
02:25:35 --> 02:25:38
advising each other to just get ano polygamy clause in the
02:25:38 --> 02:25:42
contract. That is the way toprotect yourself, that's the way
02:25:42 --> 02:25:45
to make sure that he behaveshimself, and does as you want him
02:25:45 --> 02:25:49
to do and that your mental healthwill be protected, and that your
02:25:49 --> 02:25:54
family will be protected, and thatyou never have to deal with this
02:25:54 --> 02:25:59
awful abomination of the husbandmarrying again. We need more
02:25:59 --> 02:26:02
sisters here. So maybe we'll haveto give the brothers a chance to
02:26:02 --> 02:26:06
speak and then clear the room. Andthen let the sisters come in to
02:26:06 --> 02:26:08
say their thoughts. Because I dothink that this is a very one
02:26:08 --> 02:26:13
sided debate right now. And theactual debate is taking place in
02:26:13 --> 02:26:17
the comments. Nobody's coming onlive. But what are your thoughts?
02:26:17 --> 02:26:21
Then? Your daughter said to youthat there's this brother I want
02:26:21 --> 02:26:23
to marry. But I want to put aclause in my contract to say that
02:26:23 --> 02:26:27
he can't marry again, what areyour thoughts on that? Let me let
02:26:27 --> 02:26:30
me take that because I do have torun a little bit. But I just want
02:26:30 --> 02:26:31
to make that quick point.
02:26:32 --> 02:26:40
This happens a lot. And I wouldsuggest for women, do not marry a
02:26:40 --> 02:26:45
man. You don't trust and admire.And it's worth sharing.
02:26:48 --> 02:26:53
Do not marry a man that you don'ttrust and admire and is not worth
02:26:53 --> 02:26:58
sharing. And I would advise men donot marry a woman who doesn't
02:26:58 --> 02:27:03
admire and respect you. And if youdon't know the difference between
02:27:03 --> 02:27:08
respect and love, you probablydon't have any children or nieces
02:27:08 --> 02:27:08
above it.
02:27:14 --> 02:27:17
I'm sorry, that tapped out. Yes.All right. Yeah. So you know,
02:27:17 --> 02:27:21
children may say they love you.But then they won't clean their
02:27:21 --> 02:27:25
room. They won't do the dishes,they won't do their homework, and
02:27:25 --> 02:27:28
they'll talk back. Okay, so that'sthe difference between love and
02:27:28 --> 02:27:33
respect. So I would suggest men donot marry women who do not admire
02:27:33 --> 02:27:36
or respect you. Because if not,it's not gonna work
02:27:37 --> 02:27:41
for both little parties, and whenthey put those clauses in those
02:27:41 --> 02:27:44
contracts is basically saying, Idon't trust you.
02:27:47 --> 02:27:49
I don't trust you to do
02:27:51 --> 02:27:52
to be a Muslim.
02:27:54 --> 02:27:59
Because this is what a loss Allahhas given you know, Allah gave an
02:27:59 --> 02:28:03
entire chapter chapter 66 verseone, oh prophet that why do you
02:28:03 --> 02:28:06
make that which I made unlawfullaw for just to please your
02:28:06 --> 02:28:07
consorts?
02:28:09 --> 02:28:14
So he dedicated a whole chapter tothis to prevent us from you know,
02:28:14 --> 02:28:18
a woman it's a power play. It'syou can't do something that God
02:28:18 --> 02:28:22
says that you can do. And youknow, women will say, Well, you
02:28:22 --> 02:28:25
know, I have a right to I have aright to leave. Yeah, you have a
02:28:25 --> 02:28:27
right to leave but you have aright to tell me what I can't do.
02:28:28 --> 02:28:32
You know, a law only a law is hasthat has that has that
02:28:32 --> 02:28:33
responsibility
02:28:37 --> 02:28:41
is heavy. I, I need to take like afew seconds for that. Because
02:28:41 --> 02:28:45
that's, that's, that's heavy.That's heavy. Please, can you
02:28:45 --> 02:28:49
those of you chime in on that?Because yeah, that's that's a lot.
02:28:57 --> 02:28:58
No,
02:28:59 --> 02:29:00
that's
02:29:01 --> 02:29:06
okay. Well, we really can't asMuslims of course we have. Right,
02:29:06 --> 02:29:10
so we have to look at what Islamsays regarding it. First, there's
02:29:10 --> 02:29:14
nothing that you can do to makesomething haram that salah, so a
02:29:14 --> 02:29:18
clause that just says he cannot dothis is already invalid in and of
02:29:18 --> 02:29:22
itself by being in there period.Okay. According to three of the
02:29:22 --> 02:29:25
four schools of thought that youfollowed when he was falling on
02:29:25 --> 02:29:29
cell phones, however, there issomething you put in the contract
02:29:29 --> 02:29:32
like this. I put in my daughter'scar, two of my daughters contract
02:29:32 --> 02:29:35
one of monogamy. They said allright. I said we can't do that
02:29:35 --> 02:29:38
because that's making the Haram ormaking the halal haram you can't
02:29:38 --> 02:29:42
do that. And just as a quickpoint, that brother so it was just
02:29:42 --> 02:29:43
said a little backwards.
02:29:44 --> 02:29:47
Properly said it's not somethingthat was lawful for him. Unlawful
02:29:47 --> 02:29:50
is is allowed to have a dress andjust please your wives. Thank you.
02:29:50 --> 02:29:55
Yeah, sorry. Yeah. Thanks. Thankyou. And you know, this small
02:29:55 --> 02:29:55
little, you know,
02:29:57 --> 02:29:59
but thank you what you can do, andwhat I suggested my
02:30:00 --> 02:30:03
Notice this, all right, if hechooses a wants to practice
02:30:03 --> 02:30:07
polygyny, they put in the contractthat you must have a discussion
02:30:08 --> 02:30:11
and come to an agreement about it.That's different than trying to
02:30:11 --> 02:30:14
prohibit somebody from doingsomething that is allowed, at
02:30:14 --> 02:30:18
least according to three of thefour. But that, so that's what I
02:30:18 --> 02:30:20
did for both of them. They said,alright, you know, I don't want to
02:30:20 --> 02:30:22
practice playing, I'm like, Youcan't stop that if you choose to
02:30:22 --> 02:30:27
practice it, then according to thecommunication calls that you need
02:30:27 --> 02:30:30
to speak about and have come to anagreement notice of on it, then
02:30:30 --> 02:30:33
you will have an out if he will,if he marries, without your
02:30:33 --> 02:30:36
knowledge and so on. You can findthat out, you know, regarding
02:30:36 --> 02:30:39
thick because we don't make upfake to say Christianity. You
02:30:39 --> 02:30:42
can't just have it your way likeBurger King. You don't say but
02:30:42 --> 02:30:45
it's absolutely or you can't dothis. For a lot of other things.
02:30:45 --> 02:30:48
You can do this, who do you thinkyou are? Do not have that ability
02:30:48 --> 02:30:51
at all. And even if that's in thecontract like that, that you
02:30:51 --> 02:30:55
cannot practice polygyny isconsidered invalid period. You
02:30:55 --> 02:30:58
know, you do not have to otherthan not address the women. When
02:30:58 --> 02:31:03
he when he revealed the IA dealingwith polygyny whatsoever, the
02:31:03 --> 02:31:08
pastor said, I've never seen anypermission at all. And to bring up
02:31:08 --> 02:31:12
this idea that is often misquotedand picked apart to fit people's
02:31:12 --> 02:31:17
agendas. That when Fatima de laHannah, she came in that, you
02:31:17 --> 02:31:21
know, he was going to carry thedaughter of Abu Lahab. Who
02:31:24 --> 02:31:29
the corona there's a snakeescaping off of Abu Jakob, right.
02:31:29 --> 02:31:33
So she was hurt. My understandingstarted from some departments came
02:31:33 --> 02:31:36
to her and this is in the hole youread. That's it, that's a little
02:31:36 --> 02:31:40
long, there was a little said, Iam not coming to say this is I'm
02:31:40 --> 02:31:44
not coming to make something halauaround not to make anything lawful
02:31:44 --> 02:31:47
or unlawful as he's talking to ason in law. And as he's talking to
02:31:47 --> 02:31:51
him, he's talking to him as afather in law. So we let him know
02:31:51 --> 02:31:53
he starts his conversation withthis, then he lets them know about
02:31:53 --> 02:31:58
Fatima or Jana and her not feelinggood and what hurts her hurts me.
02:31:59 --> 02:32:05
So it wasn't about phantom ormindless feelings. It was about if
02:32:05 --> 02:32:08
I don't have us to hurt thefeelings of the pups of something,
02:32:08 --> 02:32:12
anything that hurts the problem isa problem. First of all, however,
02:32:12 --> 02:32:17
as you continue this discussion,it came to It is not befitting for
02:32:17 --> 02:32:20
anyone married to the daughter ofthe Messenger of Allah to be
02:32:20 --> 02:32:24
united in marriage with the enemy,if she had become less of a father
02:32:24 --> 02:32:24
already died,
02:32:25 --> 02:32:28
to be united in marriage with theenemy of Allah.
02:32:30 --> 02:32:33
Alright, so looking at thesedifferent respect one, he said,
02:32:33 --> 02:32:35
I'm not going to mix up the halalharam, he's expressing his own
02:32:35 --> 02:32:38
opinion, there's a problem. Hesays she'll be hurt by it and what
02:32:38 --> 02:32:41
hurt hurt, hurt, hurt hurts me,you know, we can't go to the
02:32:41 --> 02:32:46
property separate employee it isnot be fitting for the daughter of
02:32:46 --> 02:32:49
the Messenger of Allah to bemixing the United image with the
02:32:49 --> 02:32:54
daughter of the enemy of Allah. Sowe see these big three things, and
02:32:54 --> 02:32:59
none of those fit anybody else. Nomom at all. This is strictly
02:32:59 --> 02:33:02
related to the daughter ofapproximately the last and only
02:33:02 --> 02:33:06
child that was living during hislifetime. Alright, so this must be
02:33:06 --> 02:33:08
unscripted. You can't pick andchoose assume I didn't say
02:33:08 --> 02:33:11
Christianity. I used to beChristian. You don't say a lotta
02:33:11 --> 02:33:14
you believe in half the book andnot the other? And then you say,
02:33:14 --> 02:33:17
Oh, well, you can't be justanyway, you know, we can't be just
02:33:17 --> 02:33:21
with our emotions. Because theother I admit that you can maybe
02:33:21 --> 02:33:23
two three or four. And you know,if you can't be just in one, and
02:33:23 --> 02:33:26
then you try to use this other eyeand say, Oh, well last educate me
02:33:26 --> 02:33:29
just here, then that means a losscould contradict us that we
02:33:29 --> 02:33:35
require and trick on us. Come on,wake up. Look at the text here on
02:33:35 --> 02:33:38
this is clearly dealing withemotions are in understanding what
02:33:38 --> 02:33:43
you can't be what he has afavorite. Yes, your question? Is
02:33:43 --> 02:33:45
the pathway set to snap happy? Oh,no.
02:33:46 --> 02:33:50
Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:33:51 --> 02:33:51
So
02:33:53 --> 02:33:55
he was sick. They knew
02:33:58 --> 02:33:59
he didn't treat them unfairly.
02:34:00 --> 02:34:04
So let's get over ourselves andour egos and thinking that we know
02:34:04 --> 02:34:08
more or understand a whole lotmore, or we try to twist things
02:34:08 --> 02:34:12
before we twist ourselves out ofthis thing. Again, we must do we
02:34:12 --> 02:34:18
got to submit is submission is nota dirty word. That's the whole
02:34:18 --> 02:34:21
crux of Islam and Muslim is onewho submits Islamic submission.
02:34:22 --> 02:34:26
So very, very important to reallyunderstand it. So when it comes to
02:34:26 --> 02:34:29
the fifth back to the main thingis that you can still be you can
02:34:29 --> 02:34:33
not stipulate something that a lotof others allow to bring around
02:34:33 --> 02:34:35
here. You can't do that. Now,there's ways you can deal with it
02:34:35 --> 02:34:38
so far as addressing conversationswise and all that kind of stuff,
02:34:38 --> 02:34:42
folks agreement and everythingelse. For what I'm saying with
02:34:42 --> 02:34:46
FIP. It's not for me, but my otherdaughters again, they prefer
02:34:46 --> 02:34:48
polygyny, they want the husbandpractice that so we want to prefer
02:34:48 --> 02:34:52
to be a first wife though, andenjoy your husband is my daughter
02:34:52 --> 02:34:55
say and then you have to marrysomebody else because they want
02:34:55 --> 02:34:59
their alone time time to do theirthings. And they see how it's
02:34:59 --> 02:34:59
wrong with my wife.
02:35:00 --> 02:35:04
Not, and they wrote that in theirlives. It doesn't mesh for. So
02:35:04 --> 02:35:05
they say that now they never
02:35:06 --> 02:35:09
change their mind. But they seemto be pretty settled on that. Now
02:35:09 --> 02:35:12
my challenge is for all thesesisters talking about, oh, you
02:35:12 --> 02:35:16
won't get your own. What a goodman, I'm asking you seriously,
02:35:16 --> 02:35:19
what are they congregating incertain place? To assemble Wally,
02:35:20 --> 02:35:23
I got daughters that aremarriageable age right now. All
02:35:23 --> 02:35:26
right, my youngest biologicaldaughter is 20. She wants to get
02:35:26 --> 02:35:29
married. I don't know what he'sgetting out of his arm. He was
02:35:29 --> 02:35:31
supposed to reach down contactwith some brother don't really
02:35:31 --> 02:35:34
tick, the boxes aren't capable ofdoing things that my daughters
02:35:34 --> 02:35:36
want them to do. What hisbrother's hanging out there.
02:35:37 --> 02:35:41
Because clearly, with the amountof systems that are unmarried, and
02:35:41 --> 02:35:44
the best to marry is a Muslimwoman who was practicing his Deen,
02:35:45 --> 02:35:48
I'm not able to find them. And Ihave two daughters. So please
02:35:48 --> 02:35:51
share that with me where they at.And that allows me to provide you
02:35:51 --> 02:35:54
your own and all that. Let me knowwhat I please, sincerely.
02:35:56 --> 02:35:59
I know that was a rhetoricalquestion, but I'm gonna answer it.
02:36:00 --> 02:36:02
And they are married. That's whatthey are.
02:36:04 --> 02:36:11
Good Brothers that 80% of guys,that women qualify for, you know,
02:36:11 --> 02:36:16
only one for one thing. And the20% are married, that actually can
02:36:16 --> 02:36:19
lead them and make them a betterperson. So it's, it's slim.
02:36:19 --> 02:36:23
pickins is, you know, if I if Idon't have I don't have a
02:36:23 --> 02:36:27
daughter, but I don't know fivepeople. I don't have five. I don't
02:36:27 --> 02:36:32
know five guys, that I couldrecommend to your to your
02:36:32 --> 02:36:35
daughter, coach. And Assad.
02:36:36 --> 02:36:39
Because I want to get all the goodguys I know already married. And
02:36:39 --> 02:36:45
the ones that are below the age of30 are broke. So Blake good is not
02:36:45 --> 02:36:47
a good dude. They're gonna bewealthy. You know, I'm saying you
02:36:47 --> 02:36:49
don't, you know, men don't hittheir strides until you know, we
02:36:49 --> 02:36:54
like 30. So, you know, they 25 Andstill on it, they still want to
02:36:54 --> 02:36:58
journey. You know, I know, I know,like to good brother's 30 They're
02:36:58 --> 02:37:01
gonna be they're gonna have theirpick of the litter. But right now
02:37:01 --> 02:37:05
they need some they still gotsome, you know, work to do. And I
02:37:05 --> 02:37:08
have I have a question on this onebecause I,
02:37:09 --> 02:37:14
I have sons from the law. One is22. The other is 19. The other one
02:37:14 --> 02:37:17
is 16 Turning 17. And
02:37:18 --> 02:37:25
this is concerning to me. Becausewhat's being said right now is the
02:37:25 --> 02:37:29
good men are all the ones who arein their financial stripe, right.
02:37:30 --> 02:37:32
But one of the things that we'vebeen saying on this channel is
02:37:32 --> 02:37:36
that as Muslims, we need to goback to marrying our kids young.
02:37:37 --> 02:37:41
Right? Because the Zina out thereis real, right? And as you know,
02:37:41 --> 02:37:44
people go through life or theydon't get education and
02:37:44 --> 02:37:50
experiences etc. The entitlementgrows. So if you to as men, as
02:37:50 --> 02:37:56
fathers judging suitors based on,you know, the good men being
02:37:56 --> 02:38:01
leaders in their financial stripe,et cetera, how then do our young
02:38:01 --> 02:38:06
young men preserve their chastityand actually marry? Or do you not
02:38:06 --> 02:38:10
believe in in early marriage forfor Muslim men and boys?
02:38:12 --> 02:38:17
Well, I'm a big fan of it.Because, you know, you can learn
02:38:17 --> 02:38:21
so much from being in a committedrelationship, the the, you know,
02:38:21 --> 02:38:25
the analogy that I use formarriage versus dating or whatever
02:38:25 --> 02:38:30
they do. As far as you know, it'skind of like working for Fortune
02:38:30 --> 02:38:34
500 company versus DoorDash. And Idon't know if y'all have DoorDash,
02:38:34 --> 02:38:39
or Uber Eats Uber, whatever. Yeah,they're both jobs. But when you
02:38:39 --> 02:38:46
work for a Fortune, 500, IBM,Microsoft or Google, you're used
02:38:46 --> 02:38:50
to structured having a bossworking with others, clocking in
02:38:50 --> 02:38:54
clocking out routine that givesyou great benefits. You have some
02:38:54 --> 02:38:58
discipline, you have expectations,you have deadlines, and you may
02:38:58 --> 02:39:02
not you may not stay at that jobforever. But that five years, that
02:39:02 --> 02:39:06
three years of experience willtranslate to you to become a good
02:39:06 --> 02:39:09
employee for the next job. But ifall you've been doing is door
02:39:09 --> 02:39:13
dashing, okay, you'd like goinghere going there. You don't have
02:39:13 --> 02:39:17
no, you're your own boss. Youdon't get regular hours. You don't
02:39:17 --> 02:39:20
have any time restrictions.There's no deadlines, you make
02:39:20 --> 02:39:24
your own schedule, work at yourpace. And those type of skills do
02:39:24 --> 02:39:29
not necessarily translate intosound employment. And guess what?
02:39:29 --> 02:39:34
No, no, 401k DoorDash. They don'thandle benefits at DoorDash there
02:39:34 --> 02:39:34
ain't no
02:39:36 --> 02:39:40
you don't have no PTO, and no paidtime off on DoorDash you can't
02:39:40 --> 02:39:44
accrue those type of things. Sobeing in a committed marriage
02:39:44 --> 02:39:49
relationship, even at an early agehas so many more benefits, and you
02:39:49 --> 02:39:52
probably won't get it right thefirst time. But you know, the
02:39:52 --> 02:39:56
prophet in the Quran I mean, it'sa chapter called divorce. You
02:39:56 --> 02:39:59
know, the prophet benefited fromhis slaves, his slaves.
02:40:00 --> 02:40:04
marry he, he married a divorcedwoman. And this is on cran. So
02:40:04 --> 02:40:08
this whole notion of we got to getit right. The first time is not
02:40:08 --> 02:40:12
our son, the prophet Bennett, hewas, he was a beneficiary of one
02:40:12 --> 02:40:15
of his marriages of a divorce. Andthere's a chapter called divorce.
02:40:15 --> 02:40:19
So we got to get that westernizeget it right the first time, and
02:40:19 --> 02:40:23
understand that we can't be aslave to perfection. Because
02:40:24 --> 02:40:27
we're, you know, failure is partof life and overcoming it as long
02:40:27 --> 02:40:29
as you're doing it in a sanction.
02:40:30 --> 02:40:34
You know, controlled environment,it could be character building.
02:40:38 --> 02:40:41
The massive coach Nazif, what sayyou
02:40:44 --> 02:40:45
I think for me,
02:40:47 --> 02:40:54
the the the issue going back tothe previous, or this topic for
02:40:54 --> 02:40:59
No, this is the early marriage,actually, it's the typification of
02:40:59 --> 02:41:04
good men as being men who areestablished and in their financial
02:41:04 --> 02:41:08
stride, and they are the ones thatreally deserve the sisters, right,
02:41:08 --> 02:41:10
whether it's for the firstmarriage or subsequent marriages.
02:41:10 --> 02:41:14
So I was just questioning Hold ona minute. What happens then with
02:41:14 --> 02:41:18
our young men, right? Are we arewe saying that they don't qualify,
02:41:18 --> 02:41:20
basically to get married becausethey don't have the funds, and
02:41:20 --> 02:41:23
they don't have everything inplace? And I just want to find out
02:41:23 --> 02:41:27
from everybody on here as fathers,what's your perspective on it?
02:41:29 --> 02:41:30
So I think I think,
02:41:32 --> 02:41:36
I don't think that that's the onlyvariable that we're looking at in
02:41:36 --> 02:41:38
terms of a man's financial status.
02:41:39 --> 02:41:42
There's other variables that gointo this. But that is an
02:41:42 --> 02:41:47
important variable to look at. AndI think,
02:41:48 --> 02:41:52
given our reality for for youngmen,
02:41:54 --> 02:41:58
they can start early in theirteenage years developing the skill
02:41:58 --> 02:42:05
sets, they need to be able to beof quality in their early to mid
02:42:05 --> 02:42:07
20s, for marriage.
02:42:08 --> 02:42:12
But again, that goes back to whatare the parents instilling in
02:42:12 --> 02:42:14
their kids? What are they modelingfor them?
02:42:15 --> 02:42:21
When I was when I was younger, soI had a number of
02:42:23 --> 02:42:26
I'll say this, when I was younger,one of the ways I made money
02:42:26 --> 02:42:30
before I could make money was Iworked illegally, I worked
02:42:30 --> 02:42:36
illegally at a baseball park,selling newspapers, right, the
02:42:36 --> 02:42:40
flyer I forgot the name you have,like the brochure you get when you
02:42:40 --> 02:42:44
come into a baseball stadium. AndI was hustling doing that, right.
02:42:44 --> 02:42:45
And so my point is,
02:42:46 --> 02:42:50
if you're raising your kids tohave a mindset of the
02:42:50 --> 02:42:54
responsibility that comes withbeing a man and being a father,
02:42:54 --> 02:42:58
then at an early age, you startinstilling in them, those things
02:42:58 --> 02:43:01
that they need to understand interms of their mindset, most
02:43:01 --> 02:43:04
importantly, so then by the timethey hit their 20s, and 25.
02:43:06 --> 02:43:10
They'll have some skill set thatthey can monetize. And they'll
02:43:10 --> 02:43:14
understand the value of monetizingit. And that's also something to
02:43:14 --> 02:43:18
look for when I look for when whenit's that day for my daughter
02:43:19 --> 02:43:25
to get married. Although I'mhoping that time slows down,
02:43:25 --> 02:43:27
because she's growing quick. tooquick.
02:43:31 --> 02:43:36
Yeah, so yeah, what I would sayis, that's what are you? Okay, you
02:43:36 --> 02:43:36
need
02:43:38 --> 02:43:44
man like it because we can seeyour emotional. Yeah, I really
02:43:44 --> 02:43:46
remember when she was born. Andnow she's,
02:43:48 --> 02:43:54
you know, older. So the point Iwas I was going to was, one of the
02:43:54 --> 02:43:58
things that I'm going to look foris not so much not just how much
02:43:58 --> 02:44:02
he's earning, but what is hismindset? Does he know how to
02:44:02 --> 02:44:06
monetize his skill sets? Does hedoes he know the importance of
02:44:06 --> 02:44:10
being able to monetize skill sets?Right, so it's not just about
02:44:10 --> 02:44:14
provision in regards of how muchis he bringing in? That's
02:44:14 --> 02:44:18
important, but also understand aman with a vision and integrity,
02:44:18 --> 02:44:23
ie, he's matching actions with avision. I'm willing to work with
02:44:23 --> 02:44:24
that.
02:44:26 --> 02:44:29
But again, that's hopefully
02:44:30 --> 02:44:33
along many decades into thefuture, but of course, you can't
02:44:33 --> 02:44:36
leave it too late because youknow, she's on a clock. And you
02:44:36 --> 02:44:39
know, that wall is approaching.Yeah, yeah. messing with you. I'm
02:44:39 --> 02:44:40
missing.
02:44:41 --> 02:44:45
You're messing with me. I'm gonnadrink. She has a while to go. All
02:44:45 --> 02:44:48
right, brother coaching us here.Do you have a different
02:44:48 --> 02:44:49
perspective on this?
02:44:50 --> 02:44:55
I think so. I think so. Again, Ihave 10 biological children have
02:44:55 --> 02:44:58
two bones children. Okay. So Ihave four daughters first,
02:44:59 --> 02:44:59
followed by six sons.
02:45:00 --> 02:45:04
And I have a bonus, and a bonusdog. So again, it's it doesn't a
02:45:04 --> 02:45:10
range from ages 27 down to four.Okay, so we're talking about boys
02:45:10 --> 02:45:13
in particular. I know when I gotmarried at 19, so I encourage you
02:45:13 --> 02:45:17
marry young. I mean, that's whatyou need to do. Now, when it comes
02:45:17 --> 02:45:20
to money, of course, that's one ofthe parts of the equation. But
02:45:20 --> 02:45:24
like, coach, NASA said, you know,it's the vision is the proper
02:45:24 --> 02:45:28
mindset that matters more thananything I knew already. When I
02:45:28 --> 02:45:32
was 1415, I was gonna be anentrepreneur, alright, just
02:45:32 --> 02:45:35
because of some of the examples ofmy family. But I was always told
02:45:35 --> 02:45:38
by the time between wanting to belocked up dead. So I was going
02:45:38 --> 02:45:41
around the stereotypical RobertKennedy line said, I found Islam,
02:45:41 --> 02:45:44
which put things in order, and I'mlike, I'm going to do right, then
02:45:44 --> 02:45:48
I need to marry this girl. So wegot married at 19 when I was 19.
02:45:48 --> 02:45:53
So with that being said, so my sonright now when my son, he's 15. By
02:45:53 --> 02:45:56
the time he's 18, he should likelyalready be doing seven figures.
02:45:56 --> 02:45:59
Alright, based on already what ison his foundation, what he's
02:45:59 --> 02:46:02
training on what he's learning. Sowhen he said mindset, the first
02:46:02 --> 02:46:03
thing I thought about it when Isaid, I'm like, Oh, he's talking
02:46:03 --> 02:46:07
about Doctor, you know, CarolDweck, PhD, if you haven't read
02:46:07 --> 02:46:10
the book, you need to read thebook, or listen to it. I mean,
02:46:10 --> 02:46:13
even the free, whether it'saudible on YouTube, your mindset,
02:46:13 --> 02:46:18
very, very important, it goes to awhole nother level, right? Or, you
02:46:18 --> 02:46:19
know, hustle hard, hustle smarter.
02:46:20 --> 02:46:23
If I can, if I asked you as ayoung man that's looking to get
02:46:23 --> 02:46:25
married, what are the last fivebooks you read, you can't list
02:46:25 --> 02:46:29
those five books. That way is moreimportant to me than how much
02:46:29 --> 02:46:32
you're currently making. Onlybecause when I was seven, when I
02:46:32 --> 02:46:37
was 18 nights, I was driving aschool bus, you know, school bus.
02:46:37 --> 02:46:42
Now, it is what it is. But I stillwas putting on two different
02:46:42 --> 02:46:45
books, whether that be the magicof thinking big or, or whatnot, or
02:46:45 --> 02:46:47
understanding the importance ofgetting your money, right, because
02:46:47 --> 02:46:49
that's two things you have to dotwo things that are gonna affect
02:46:49 --> 02:46:52
you as a man throughout the restof your life if you're being
02:46:52 --> 02:46:55
taught that You are the protectorand a provider, right? And you
02:46:55 --> 02:46:59
have to you know, exert yourpersonal power as a man today,
02:46:59 --> 02:47:02
you're gonna need one you willneed to have a plan that's gonna
02:47:02 --> 02:47:05
affect every other decision youdeal with that's gonna help you be
02:47:05 --> 02:47:07
just stay away from the Haram I'mgonna have to have your morality
02:47:07 --> 02:47:10
and all that kind of stuff, right?But here's the other thing. At the
02:47:10 --> 02:47:12
same time you could be studyingIslam to be teaching Islam but at
02:47:12 --> 02:47:14
the same if you're poor, rightyou're teaching you're gonna have
02:47:14 --> 02:47:17
some problems are not poor, youcould look at as an acronym,
02:47:17 --> 02:47:20
because that can mean passing overopportunities repeatedly. So I
02:47:20 --> 02:47:23
know that some people probably inthe comments of watching have an
02:47:23 --> 02:47:26
issue that I mentioned the bookmindset, my Kaffir hustle harder,
02:47:26 --> 02:47:29
hustle smarter by 50 There's somelanguage stuff that goes on with
02:47:29 --> 02:47:32
that Rich Dad, Poor Dad byKiyosaki or Cashflow Quadrant, or
02:47:32 --> 02:47:36
21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadershipwhere they can go rich, right? And
02:47:36 --> 02:47:38
they were always booked by thesenon Muslims, even though they
02:47:38 --> 02:47:39
talked about this morning talkingabout Islam.
02:47:40 --> 02:47:43
But you're like, Oh, well, we canjust go here and get this
02:47:43 --> 02:47:45
information. Did you forget thatthe Prophet alayhi salatu salam
02:47:45 --> 02:47:50
said that, you know, wisdom is theis the property the loss and
02:47:50 --> 02:47:53
here's the believer wherever hefinds it, he's most entitled to
02:47:53 --> 02:47:53
it.
02:47:54 --> 02:47:57
You don't say we will look atIslam spreading this we were in
02:47:57 --> 02:48:00
the sciences and benefit people isbecause we studied everything
02:48:00 --> 02:48:03
around us that made us inremembrance of Allah to Allah. So
02:48:03 --> 02:48:06
one having that foundation ofIslam, that's gonna help you
02:48:06 --> 02:48:09
there. That's the That's theultimate success. No matter what
02:48:09 --> 02:48:12
you do, whether it's marriage,your finances, anything without
02:48:12 --> 02:48:15
Islam, it doesn't matter if yougain the whole world, but you lost
02:48:15 --> 02:48:19
yourself. The second thing youneed to learn is money. And
02:48:20 --> 02:48:22
currency is really what we use,most of us haven't even seen a
02:48:22 --> 02:48:25
touch of money, because there'ssix qualities actually make some
02:48:25 --> 02:48:28
money. That's a different level.But then I will say, let's say you
02:48:28 --> 02:48:30
went through the free serieshidden secrets of money on
02:48:30 --> 02:48:34
YouTube, by Mike Maloney. You knowwhat's going on right now? What is
02:48:34 --> 02:48:36
dealing with cryptocurrency rightnow? Are you looking at Fiat in
02:48:36 --> 02:48:38
the strength of the dollar, orseeing about this collapse that's
02:48:38 --> 02:48:40
coming and seeing what's up withthe housing market, what the
02:48:40 --> 02:48:44
Federal Reserve is how to properlyset to slam said there's gonna
02:48:44 --> 02:48:47
come a time when you won't be ableto even deal in money without it
02:48:47 --> 02:48:49
having the dust of real power.
02:48:50 --> 02:48:52
And every single dollar that's inexistence, US dollars in
02:48:52 --> 02:48:55
existence, was only because of aloan from the federal bank that
02:48:55 --> 02:48:58
has nothing. So it's absolutelybuilt on nothing, but really,
02:48:59 --> 02:49:02
what you need to learn what'sgoing on with money. And if you in
02:49:02 --> 02:49:04
that process of learning andputting that together, and you
02:49:04 --> 02:49:07
being proactive about it, I canwork with you to send in laws I
02:49:08 --> 02:49:09
hope from broke
02:49:10 --> 02:49:13
before they broke, but theymarried my daughters. Alright,
02:49:13 --> 02:49:15
well, both of them, bro. Wonderfulexample, though. He has a little
02:49:15 --> 02:49:18
internet business. He's working onsome stuff and getting the
02:49:18 --> 02:49:20
marketing down under the law, youknow, it's about to make me a
02:49:20 --> 02:49:24
grandfather, you know. So thesethings are important. But that's
02:49:24 --> 02:49:26
one of the measures if you'reminding, right? If you're
02:49:26 --> 02:49:29
slamming, right, you marrysomebody, you can marry somebody
02:49:29 --> 02:49:31
that doesn't love you doesn't havethis. But if it's Islam is right,
02:49:31 --> 02:49:33
you still will be treatedproperly, you're not going to be
02:49:33 --> 02:49:36
oppressed. So that's moreimportant than the other things.
02:49:36 --> 02:49:40
However, those two things are allgoing to think for the rest of
02:49:40 --> 02:49:43
your life that's going to affectyour software that affects your
02:49:43 --> 02:49:45
Hajj that affects your actionsthat you have to travel across the
02:49:45 --> 02:49:49
world. It affects your health,your stress level, all of that. I
02:49:49 --> 02:49:51
also learned about the secondthing, which is money, you got to
02:49:51 --> 02:49:55
get that down. And if you're noton track to do that, or have that
02:49:55 --> 02:49:58
ambition, because I don't know howto teach ambition. If you don't
02:49:58 --> 02:50:00
have it, then it's really all too
02:50:00 --> 02:50:04
The next one, but you could be1920 years old and so on, but be
02:50:04 --> 02:50:08
on that right path, if you will.And I know how that looks, walking
02:50:08 --> 02:50:11
that path and learning that pathand teaching that right now. And I
02:50:11 --> 02:50:15
want my sons to be quality,qualified and capable of each
02:50:15 --> 02:50:18
marrying at least four men andfour wives. All right, whether
02:50:18 --> 02:50:20
they want to or not totally up tothem, but I want them to be
02:50:20 --> 02:50:23
qualified for that. Because inlearning about them, when again,
02:50:23 --> 02:50:26
you got to learn about leadership,management, communicate, there's
02:50:26 --> 02:50:29
many different things if you wantto keep it, you know, so that
02:50:29 --> 02:50:33
mindset is critical. But those twothings you're paying down, getting
02:50:33 --> 02:50:38
your dough, right. So to set itup, you have to have those do you
02:50:38 --> 02:50:41
have to have your money, right andall that stuff. At that time to
02:50:41 --> 02:50:43
know you're young, you don'treally have anything like your
02:50:43 --> 02:50:45
brother says, you bought your 30sand whatnot, even though that
02:50:45 --> 02:50:49
timeline is shrinking with adifferent vast opportunities that
02:50:49 --> 02:50:52
are available that we broadcastand live almost three hours, all
02:50:52 --> 02:50:55
the different times all over theplanet, if there was something to
02:50:55 --> 02:50:58
sale, which it should be. But ifthere's something to sale
02:50:58 --> 02:51:01
commoditize, then we didn't Ididn't have that opportunity when
02:51:01 --> 02:51:05
I was 19 years old. So the worldis absolutely changing. And we
02:51:05 --> 02:51:08
need to be making sure you takethese timeless principles and
02:51:08 --> 02:51:12
benefit from that. Those are thetype of men we need to rise up.
02:51:12 --> 02:51:14
Those are the type of men that aresuccessful men, and they're
02:51:14 --> 02:51:18
extremely attracted to women. Sothen they get pick.
02:51:19 --> 02:51:23
So let's well I have to run but Ijust want to make a quick comment
02:51:23 --> 02:51:26
before I take off that thank youguys for having me on the show.
02:51:26 --> 02:51:32
But one thing you mentioned coach,Nasir is the dean, the Dean before
02:51:32 --> 02:51:35
the dough, you mentioned thatseveral times. And that's vital.
02:51:35 --> 02:51:38
Because you can see if you don'thave the you see what happened to
02:51:38 --> 02:51:41
Wilson if he can't keep his womanhappy, because he lacked the the
02:51:41 --> 02:51:45
the integrity, the spiritualleadership to keep his woman
02:51:45 --> 02:51:49
content. You know, Kanye West's abillionaire, his girl, you know,
02:51:49 --> 02:51:53
you know how it goes. So Deanbefore the dough is vital to your
02:51:53 --> 02:51:55
point. So I just wanted tohighlight that because you said it
02:51:55 --> 02:51:59
several times. So I think that'sreally important. And outside of
02:51:59 --> 02:52:02
that, I appreciate you guys havingme on the platform. And I got to
02:52:02 --> 02:52:06
take off, but I still got my leggoing. And we'll touch base.
02:52:07 --> 02:52:11
Alex, thank you so much, brother.So if I can
02:52:12 --> 02:52:15
send your salaam to brother Seth,in the comments, guys, to very
02:52:15 --> 02:52:19
quickly before we wrap up, guys.There's a comment here that I
02:52:19 --> 02:52:23
think is only fair, that isaddressed. Because it is a big
02:52:23 --> 02:52:28
issue with sisters. And it issomething that causes a lot of the
02:52:28 --> 02:52:34
emotion around this conversation,right? This issue of do men
02:52:34 --> 02:52:37
understand that it's hurtful forthe first wife, when the man gets
02:52:37 --> 02:52:41
a second wife? Do they at leasthave this understanding? And are
02:52:41 --> 02:52:45
they capable of dealing withemotional tantrums of the first
02:52:45 --> 02:52:49
wife? Oh my God, I don't even knowwhy I brought this up, actually.
02:52:50 --> 02:52:54
But I want to send you a via ifyou don't mind, sis commenting on
02:52:54 --> 02:52:56
this. Thank you so much forjoining the stream. We've been a
02:52:56 --> 02:53:00
very, very male heavy panel thisevening. I'm gonna get into a lot
02:53:00 --> 02:53:04
of trouble. What's What's yourtake on all of this that we've
02:53:04 --> 02:53:08
been talking about so far? So I'msorry, I missed the show. So I
02:53:08 --> 02:53:12
caught up to it. But my shout saysyou weren't here on time. Oh, my
02:53:12 --> 02:53:13
goodness.
02:53:14 --> 02:53:17
crew in the chat. If you're livereplay gang, if it's on replay
02:53:17 --> 02:53:22
your family family. So you know,so yeah. And
02:53:23 --> 02:53:29
the comment is, I'll be honest,women do get hurt when it depends
02:53:29 --> 02:53:34
how it's done. I'd be honest withyou, if I was a first wife, and my
02:53:34 --> 02:53:36
husband came up to me and said,Listen, I want to get married
02:53:36 --> 02:53:40
again, and I want to marry thisbetter. And I'll be okay. I might
02:53:40 --> 02:53:43
not agree with him. But he can't.I just need my permission to be
02:53:43 --> 02:53:48
honest. But I will feel some wayabout it. Okay, I'm not I'll be
02:53:48 --> 02:53:51
honest with me about it. It's notmy right. But I will feel some way
02:53:51 --> 02:53:54
about I'll be wondering, why mightdo something wrong? Is there
02:53:54 --> 02:53:57
something you don't like is thatyou know, why you wouldn't do it?
02:53:57 --> 02:54:00
What can you find in me that youcan find in her?
02:54:01 --> 02:54:05
So it will be some fun? So yeah,so definitely listen back to the
02:54:05 --> 02:54:10
show, because we talked aboutthat. Yeah, that was questioning
02:54:10 --> 02:54:13
that that kind of we tend toentertain so definitely listen
02:54:13 --> 02:54:17
back to the show. I willdefinitely. But also, and one of
02:54:17 --> 02:54:20
the things is sometimes peoplereact with anger.
02:54:21 --> 02:54:24
So let's say rather than takingtime to think about you know why,
02:54:25 --> 02:54:29
maybe this is a good thing. Forfor your family, maybe it's
02:54:29 --> 02:54:33
something we react rather thanthinking about it is the first
02:54:33 --> 02:54:37
thing is the reaction. Like why dothis why this why this, but
02:54:37 --> 02:54:41
sometimes is and also like I said,it's hard to let's say then that
02:54:41 --> 02:54:43
he's mad enough to come and tellme okay, I'm gonna get married.
02:54:43 --> 02:54:46
Okay, fine. We'll do me and youwill deal with with two adults,
02:54:46 --> 02:54:49
we'll deal with how we deal withit. This is not something that
02:54:49 --> 02:54:52
gonna break our marriage, and wewill communicate and we will get
02:54:52 --> 02:54:55
there. But if I find out throughmy friends or through the
02:54:55 --> 02:54:59
community that might have beengotten married, behind my back and
02:54:59 --> 02:54:59
ever
02:55:00 --> 02:55:02
He was talking about it orsomething. And I find out he
02:55:02 --> 02:55:06
didn't tell me, then I'm sorry,but you broke my trust? Do you not
02:55:06 --> 02:55:11
trust me or respect me? To tellme? And did he? Like, did you not
02:55:11 --> 02:55:14
think? Like, it's kind of like,what did what what? What did he?
02:55:15 --> 02:55:19
Like? How can you do that in theway? Did you not respect our
02:55:19 --> 02:55:21
marriage? Do you not respect ourrelationship? Do you not respect
02:55:21 --> 02:55:22
us as a unit?
02:55:23 --> 02:55:27
I don't I like gave you the right.Allow. And I gave you the right
02:55:27 --> 02:55:30
you can marry and it's in. Andit's harder for you to marry this
02:55:30 --> 02:55:33
and not hamdulillah there's ablessing in it. But I'm your wife,
02:55:33 --> 02:55:37
we share, we communicate, we are aunit, we have two paths. If you
02:55:37 --> 02:55:40
want to bring someone into therelationship fine, but talk to me
02:55:40 --> 02:55:43
about it. You know, it might notbe easy to conversation, there
02:55:43 --> 02:55:45
might be hurt feelings, theremight be argument they might
02:55:45 --> 02:55:51
possibly be shouting, but we haveto talk about it. So we as before,
02:55:51 --> 02:55:55
before the sister comes into tothe marriage, we are in a solid
02:55:55 --> 02:55:59
ground. So when when the othersister comes on, I the resentment
02:55:59 --> 02:56:01
and anger I have on you doesn't goon her.
02:56:03 --> 02:56:09
Sorry. So that's, ya know, justjust, I think, you know, what you
02:56:09 --> 02:56:13
said is pretty much what many manysisters would say, I'm not sure
02:56:13 --> 02:56:17
whether one of the brothers do youhave something to communicate with
02:56:17 --> 02:56:18
the situatie on that?
02:56:23 --> 02:56:26
Like I told you earlier age.
02:56:30 --> 02:56:30
All right.
02:56:31 --> 02:56:34
Yeah, well, here's the thing. Weare we are not sitting, we're not
02:56:34 --> 02:56:39
the same. You must make youbelieve that we are supposed to
02:56:39 --> 02:56:42
show our emotions the same.
02:56:43 --> 02:56:45
Looking at somebody, they don'tcare, they don't know. And blah,
02:56:45 --> 02:56:49
blah, blah, right? Like we're justdumb imbeciles. Okay. We tend to
02:56:49 --> 02:56:53
go in, to emote, we don't go in tohave a circle of brothers around
02:56:53 --> 02:56:56
us, we cry it out, we talk it out.We want to do that. That sounds
02:56:56 --> 02:56:59
really advantageous to us as men.And if you think of us and we look
02:56:59 --> 02:57:03
at our history, for example, beingon this planet, that doesn't
02:57:03 --> 02:57:05
really help you, we need to be theone going out there hunting, we
02:57:05 --> 02:57:08
need to be the one at warfighting. And so on time for
02:57:08 --> 02:57:11
diplomacy is before you get towar. We're built on things that
02:57:11 --> 02:57:14
protecting is not just somethingmorally thinking, if you look at
02:57:14 --> 02:57:18
your hands, I don't have calluseslike I work certain jobs. But we
02:57:18 --> 02:57:21
can't say that 100 200 years agofor the 1000s of years, we've been
02:57:21 --> 02:57:25
on this planet. It's been thatway. So yeah, we do know. All
02:57:25 --> 02:57:28
right. And in general, that's notwhat everybody would make. You can
02:57:28 --> 02:57:30
feel hurt. They can feel oh,something must be wrong with me.
02:57:30 --> 02:57:33
That's the normal reaction. Youknow, they feel insecure. What am
02:57:33 --> 02:57:36
I not doing right? This is normal.You know what I'm saying? Is it
02:57:36 --> 02:57:40
easy? No, it's not easy. But atthe same time, I can't shame a man
02:57:40 --> 02:57:41
for being a man.
02:57:42 --> 02:57:43
No, no.
02:57:44 --> 02:57:45
Sorry.
02:57:46 --> 02:57:50
Sorry, I don't mean to cut youoff. I'm not shaming you for being
02:57:50 --> 02:57:54
a man. The issue I have is me andyou we build a life together.
02:57:54 --> 02:57:57
You're my husband, you're theleader of my family.
02:58:00 --> 02:58:03
Yeah, but don't you respect meenough just to come to me and tell
02:58:03 --> 02:58:06
me face to face? Are you not madenough to say listen, I'm gonna
02:58:06 --> 02:58:10
match Oh,
02:58:11 --> 02:58:12
tell me to come over say don't
02:58:15 --> 02:58:22
do that here. We don't do thathere. Why don't you? I'm glad you
02:58:22 --> 02:58:25
asked. Because I'm gonna tell you.We don't do the unit man enough
02:58:25 --> 02:58:26
stuff.
02:58:29 --> 02:58:29
But
02:58:33 --> 02:58:37
just just to be clear, and you cancontinue. But just to be clear,
02:58:37 --> 02:58:42
for those who are listening. Wedon't do the qualifying a man as
02:58:42 --> 02:58:46
not being man enough because whatwe what sisters would not allow is
02:58:46 --> 02:58:48
for us to say that women aren'twomen enough.
02:58:50 --> 02:58:55
Let's let's dig deeper into whatexactly is the issue? Okay, okay.
02:58:55 --> 02:59:00
The issue for me is, we are apair. We are unique. We have
02:59:00 --> 02:59:04
children together, we have a lifetogether. I want you as my
02:59:04 --> 02:59:08
husband, to come to me and totrust me and to respect him enough
02:59:08 --> 02:59:12
to tell me Listen, I'm going toget married to someone else. And
02:59:12 --> 02:59:16
then that will give me enough timeto process what I'm what I'm
02:59:16 --> 02:59:19
feeling. We might I might eventalk to you about I might be like,
02:59:19 --> 02:59:22
you know, give me time. I justneed to process I will I will do
02:59:22 --> 02:59:25
something to Allah, I will pray. Iwill ask Allah for guidance to
02:59:25 --> 02:59:29
give me patience, or that I willdo what I need to do to get myself
02:59:29 --> 02:59:34
right with the situation. Butthat's my feel is my issue. So
02:59:35 --> 02:59:36
a different experience now.
02:59:38 --> 02:59:43
A couple of things. One I madewithout my wife now there's your
02:59:43 --> 02:59:48
permission. I told her after thefact. Okay, so yeah, yeah, I did.
02:59:48 --> 02:59:51
Now, here's the thing. You don'thave to wait for your your
02:59:51 --> 02:59:54
husband. If he's not married to anelection. You don't have to wait
02:59:54 --> 02:59:57
for him to have the conversationwith him. You know, that says if
02:59:57 --> 03:00:00
your expectation is that you can'thave the discussion.
03:00:00 --> 03:00:03
About politically regardless. Now,if you are the person that's not
03:00:03 --> 03:00:07
approachable when you blow up atit, or he brings a little small
03:00:07 --> 03:00:10
blue bow Phillips book in thehouse, and then now that's causing
03:00:10 --> 03:00:14
all kinds of friction that youmight not talk about myself with
03:00:14 --> 03:00:15
my wife, I had
03:00:17 --> 03:00:19
a journal and my job was out. AndI had like a goal to have four
03:00:19 --> 03:00:21
wives and all that stuff. BecauseI'm in business. I'm learning I'm
03:00:21 --> 03:00:24
journaling stuff, putting goalsdown, right. And she saw it, we
03:00:24 --> 03:00:26
had a big argument about it. AndI'm like, You saw my book, and it
03:00:26 --> 03:00:30
was like, on her desk, right. ButI already knew it was a hot button
03:00:30 --> 03:00:33
for her. But I knew also that shehad good men. So she was already
03:00:33 --> 03:00:35
talking to other people andhelping them with their situations
03:00:35 --> 03:00:39
with polygyny. Now, I did not, Ididn't know how to effectively
03:00:39 --> 03:00:43
deal with it. So I felt in mylogical mind saying, okay, she's
03:00:43 --> 03:00:45
Muslim, surely notice is there,this person is the person, so on
03:00:45 --> 03:00:50
and so forth. So she will adjustis that the best practice? No, I
03:00:50 --> 03:00:54
teach brothers don't go thatroute, bring it forward. And let
03:00:54 --> 03:00:57
women Oh, you also could bring itforward to if it's on your mind,
03:00:57 --> 03:01:00
if it's concern to you, if youwant to wait for him to come
03:01:00 --> 03:01:03
around, he might not come around.If it's a hot button where you get
03:01:03 --> 03:01:08
all extra emotional, then Controlyourself, have the conversation in
03:01:08 --> 03:01:11
advance before you hit him have itlater. Because what you're talking
03:01:11 --> 03:01:14
about is a preference. And yourpreference does not define the
03:01:14 --> 03:01:18
principle, the principles hedoesn't need to know he could be,
03:01:19 --> 03:01:21
you know, it could be a bastard,it could be whatever you want to
03:01:21 --> 03:01:23
call them all throw up throughoutthe names, right. But he can still
03:01:23 --> 03:01:25
go ahead and do it but aspermission without even telling
03:01:25 --> 03:01:28
you and let you know later, thatthe best way to do it? No, I don't
03:01:28 --> 03:01:31
think so. I don't think that atall. I encourage you to
03:01:31 --> 03:01:34
communicate, regardless how youfeeling about something, and also
03:01:34 --> 03:01:38
to maintain position and mutualrespect. Because there's there are
03:01:38 --> 03:01:42
times that someone will let youknow, I tried to sabotage. Now I
03:01:42 --> 03:01:45
know the wedding day, no, I don'twant to be there. They try to
03:01:45 --> 03:01:47
sabotage trying to go through allthis other stuff. And they try to
03:01:47 --> 03:01:51
guilt somebody into not doing. Sothat's some of the reasons men do
03:01:51 --> 03:01:53
it. They know why it's notapproachable to try to do some
03:01:53 --> 03:01:56
stuff. And I know if I'm going todeal with all kinds of health and
03:01:56 --> 03:02:00
emotional strength, we'll dealwith it after the fact anyway,
03:02:00 --> 03:02:03
when something is already solid.So that's just like, you know,
03:02:03 --> 03:02:07
some reasoning, we're not stupid.So when we get angry, anger is
03:02:07 --> 03:02:10
actually an emotion, but usuallymany times that comes from a point
03:02:10 --> 03:02:14
of being hurt. But we're not goingto cry, just usually not gonna sit
03:02:14 --> 03:02:17
and cry and walk around and be allpassive and just,
03:02:18 --> 03:02:20
you know, say we'll get hurt,we'll get loud, I challenge my
03:02:20 --> 03:02:23
authority, or my manhood or you'regoing to get something lots of
03:02:23 --> 03:02:27
other clearly says, maybe we needto develop to the point to be able
03:02:27 --> 03:02:30
to have that communication skillare being emotionally aware. But
03:02:30 --> 03:02:32
that doesn't mean we're blind andstupid, we know it would likely
03:02:32 --> 03:02:36
hurt. But you know, similarly,some people compare that to other
03:02:36 --> 03:02:38
parts of your worship that mayhurt, whether it's the summertime,
03:02:38 --> 03:02:41
it's Ramadan, or you have thesehunger pains is still a part of
03:02:41 --> 03:02:44
the process. You might not be amorning, but you're still supposed
03:02:44 --> 03:02:49
to be getting imagine. You know,it's just a discipline. You know
03:02:49 --> 03:02:51
what having that communication isvery important, I could understand
03:02:51 --> 03:02:54
the pain and not doing it havingthat respect, I absolutely
03:02:54 --> 03:02:58
instead, because I did it, I brokethat trust. Now the other part is
03:02:58 --> 03:02:59
we have this thing.
03:03:00 --> 03:03:05
We have a marital identity. And Ishared this when I teach you stuff
03:03:05 --> 03:03:07
like that. And I've done somevideos about it recently on our
03:03:07 --> 03:03:09
channel, but we have the sharedmarital identity. Now the
03:03:09 --> 03:03:12
challenge is, you are anindividual for you got married,
03:03:12 --> 03:03:14
he's an individual, basically, ifyou look at his two circles, and
03:03:14 --> 03:03:17
then when you get married, youdon't just create one to to not
03:03:17 --> 03:03:20
become one again, it's notChristianity, you still have your
03:03:20 --> 03:03:23
own identity, however, you havethis marital identity that you
03:03:23 --> 03:03:28
created together. A problem amajor problem is we deal with a
03:03:28 --> 03:03:32
lot of assumptions on what thatmeans. We think, oh, this person
03:03:32 --> 03:03:34
will do this before that, or Iwill do this. So therefore they
03:03:34 --> 03:03:37
must do that. Right? Just lookingat something as simple as Gary
03:03:37 --> 03:03:40
Chapman's book, The Five LoveLanguages would demonstrate things
03:03:40 --> 03:03:42
differently, like things differentweathers words of affirmation,
03:03:42 --> 03:03:46
touch, so on and so forth. We aredifferent. But if you have this
03:03:46 --> 03:03:48
expectation that when the timecomes for him to talk about
03:03:48 --> 03:03:51
polygyny, and want to get a manhe's gonna come to you, it might
03:03:51 --> 03:03:53
not come to you might not be hispersonality type might just figure
03:03:53 --> 03:03:56
this way, may have had thisdiscussion in the past, but you
03:03:56 --> 03:04:00
might have blown up and causeproblems and chooses not to. But
03:04:00 --> 03:04:03
that doesn't stop you as a matureadult woman. And I'm speaking to
03:04:03 --> 03:04:06
the women to be able to also havea conversation with your husband.
03:04:06 --> 03:04:10
Bring it to him when you're not ina month or have any other hormonal
03:04:10 --> 03:04:14
challenges by the way, men againas a clue, don't talk to me during
03:04:14 --> 03:04:18
that time period. But just takethat into consideration shoulders
03:04:18 --> 03:04:21
out. Yes. And also and I also wantto comment not this one the
03:04:21 --> 03:04:25
previous us you had about theputting the clause in the contract
03:04:25 --> 03:04:29
the clause about none. First ofall, that's wrong. To my sisters,
03:04:29 --> 03:04:32
I'm telling you that that youbasically say no to something that
03:04:32 --> 03:04:36
Allah said yes to. Allah saidthat's halal. So you can't be
03:04:36 --> 03:04:40
saying that. No. So I'm sorrysisters. But if you want you can
03:04:40 --> 03:04:44
like actually, when Krishna saidreally well, you can put a
03:04:44 --> 03:04:49
contract to talk about it, to talkabout it. And to actually say, You
03:04:49 --> 03:04:52
know what, before you do before,can we have that conversation
03:04:52 --> 03:04:56
before it actually happens? Can Ihave a communication something
03:04:56 --> 03:04:59
like that in the contract, but notto say no, you can't do because
03:04:59 --> 03:05:00
the
03:05:00 --> 03:05:03
is not up to you. It is Allah set.It's gonna happen it's gonna
03:05:03 --> 03:05:07
happen if Allah decree no one canstop it. So and also
03:05:08 --> 03:05:09
the one thing is,
03:05:10 --> 03:05:13
yeah, and I don't want I don'twant I said talk to me. I don't
03:05:13 --> 03:05:17
mean talk to me at the time. Imean, like me and you will have
03:05:17 --> 03:05:19
conversation you can have aconversation with me. But first of
03:05:19 --> 03:05:21
all, I have no problem with avillage meet my fat I have a lot
03:05:21 --> 03:05:26
of family members who have and Ialso know, a sister who arranged
03:05:26 --> 03:05:30
for husband to get second wife,she actually arranged she found
03:05:30 --> 03:05:34
the system go husband said, I havesomething for you. This is a
03:05:34 --> 03:05:37
sister and when you to marry her,she didn't the whole arrangement,
03:05:37 --> 03:05:40
Mashallah. MashAllah they havebeen there. So for me, believe me,
03:05:40 --> 03:05:44
I've seen it. I've seen thesuccess of a lot of people seem to
03:05:44 --> 03:05:47
be on online, coming down on it.But I've seen the success. I've
03:05:47 --> 03:05:49
seen the kids that come out, I'veseen the families that come out of
03:05:49 --> 03:05:54
it. And I've also seen thematrimony and destruction that
03:05:54 --> 03:05:57
comes out of it just been to likea man and a wife, and all the
03:05:57 --> 03:06:01
issues that come with. So as I'msure you guys come in this
03:06:01 --> 03:06:04
marriage is marriage, it dependson the people inside and how they
03:06:04 --> 03:06:08
work and what they do that affectsthe marriage and whatnot. So I've
03:06:08 --> 03:06:12
seen the good and the bad. And Ihave no problem. But the one the
03:06:13 --> 03:06:15
discussion is something I feellike it's something you guys
03:06:15 --> 03:06:19
should talk about before is, itdepends, I guess, I guess if a
03:06:19 --> 03:06:22
brother if a woman blows up, ifyou do this again, I actually
03:06:22 --> 03:06:26
asked my sister this and she'slike, over my dead body. So I love
03:06:26 --> 03:06:29
that that's the default setting.Do you remember I said this in my
03:06:29 --> 03:06:34
livestream on Wednesday? Thatdefault setting? No. Over my dead
03:06:34 --> 03:06:35
body? Yeah.
03:06:37 --> 03:06:37
You know, but like,
03:06:39 --> 03:06:44
but you know, can I just say aswell just, I want to bring in the
03:06:44 --> 03:06:46
MACD because he's waiting in thewings.
03:06:47 --> 03:06:51
And then in the chat, there's beena lot of talk about, okay, if you
03:06:51 --> 03:06:56
can't put in the contract that hecan't do it, what you can do is
03:06:56 --> 03:06:59
put in the contract that if hedoes it, you will leave, or that
03:06:59 --> 03:07:03
if he does it, he must proceed.And you know, my stance on this,
03:07:03 --> 03:07:08
you know, my stance on this? Yes.Like wrong, like what you doing?
03:07:09 --> 03:07:13
It's not about raw, right? It'sare you prepared to deal with the
03:07:13 --> 03:07:16
consequences of that? Becauseyou're doing that? It's, it's a
03:07:16 --> 03:07:19
power play on your part? Becauseyou're like, he's not gonna want
03:07:19 --> 03:07:23
to lose me. Right? It's, it's,it's a bluff, right? Because you
03:07:23 --> 03:07:27
don't expect him to actually gofor it after you've already told
03:07:27 --> 03:07:30
him that if you do it, I'mleaving. Well, that's a threat.
03:07:31 --> 03:07:35
Now what happens when he does doit? Now he's called your bluff.
03:07:35 --> 03:07:39
And now you have to make good onyour threats. But if you make good
03:07:39 --> 03:07:43
on your threat, sis, and you'vegot a decent man, and you built a
03:07:43 --> 03:07:48
life with him, who's going to losenow? This is the thing like have
03:07:48 --> 03:07:52
you shot yourself in the foot?Have you destroyed something that
03:07:52 --> 03:07:56
didn't need to be destroyed? Andas Bibi says, you know, what, if
03:07:56 --> 03:07:59
you said that he agreed to that,and then he just goes behind your
03:07:59 --> 03:08:02
back and I would the villa has amistress or marry secretly or
03:08:02 --> 03:08:07
whatever. It's not the powerplaythat sisters think it is, guys.
03:08:07 --> 03:08:09
Yeah. So so please stop givingeach other bad advice in the chat,
03:08:09 --> 03:08:10
please, I beg you.
03:08:12 --> 03:08:15
I also had advice if a sisterfinds out let's say her husband
03:08:15 --> 03:08:19
went behind her back, and he gotmarried again. My advice to
03:08:19 --> 03:08:23
sisters, do not talk to yourfriends about it. Do not to talk
03:08:23 --> 03:08:28
or speak to an elder. Speak toyour mom, an elder someone in
03:08:28 --> 03:08:31
someone who's been married for along time. Somebody who's who's
03:08:31 --> 03:08:36
whose life who lived life, notyour not your friends, not your
03:08:36 --> 03:08:40
not the those that will give youbad advice, go goat advice to the
03:08:40 --> 03:08:43
people who's been married for along time. The elders in your
03:08:43 --> 03:08:47
community, even if you have to goto a counselor, whatever you to do
03:08:47 --> 03:08:50
to get, but do not go to yourfriends. They're like, Oh, he did
03:08:50 --> 03:08:53
that to you. You need to get ridof him. Why are you with him? They
03:08:53 --> 03:08:57
hyped you up. And then when you'reat when you've done it, and you're
03:08:57 --> 03:09:00
left with you and your kids witheverything, they will actually do
03:09:00 --> 03:09:04
it. So it's like they give you badadvice. So go to the people who
03:09:05 --> 03:09:08
experience who's been in a rescue,who's gone through difficulties
03:09:08 --> 03:09:12
who have who have overcomesituations. Those people know what
03:09:12 --> 03:09:15
they're talking about. Thosepeople know what the advice
03:09:15 --> 03:09:18
because they live or have livedexperience.
03:09:19 --> 03:09:23
100% says I agree I just want tomake friends, your sisters on the
03:09:23 --> 03:09:25
sidelines, they're you know,they're just going to hype you up
03:09:25 --> 03:09:30
right you know, that says How darehe you had these kids for him, you
03:09:30 --> 03:09:32
know, and martial law like you'resuch a good mom, like how could
03:09:32 --> 03:09:36
you do this to you? We know thatthat's, that's for most of us.
03:09:36 --> 03:09:39
Unfortunately, our friends. That'swhere they're gonna come into my
03:09:39 --> 03:09:42
life and I want to talk aboutthis. But, brother, let's see if
03:09:42 --> 03:09:44
you had something that you wantedto say.
03:09:47 --> 03:09:48
So I think
03:09:51 --> 03:09:53
yeah, I think it's, I think it'simportant to
03:09:55 --> 03:09:59
to to understand that you know,one like as I said before,
03:10:00 --> 03:10:04
We're responsible for how we feel,right, I think in produces our
03:10:04 --> 03:10:08
emotions, which then influencesour behavior. And so
03:10:09 --> 03:10:13
so as a tool, something for theaudience to take, it's important.
03:10:13 --> 03:10:16
And one of the things you can dois look up look up.
03:10:19 --> 03:10:24
Put you can google ra R E VT, andput in hurt.
03:10:26 --> 03:10:32
And so RBT is A is a subset of, orsome would argue the foundation of
03:10:32 --> 03:10:37
cognitive behavior therapy CBT.And so what what the model would
03:10:37 --> 03:10:44
say is that hurt is a unhealthynegative emotion. And
03:10:44 --> 03:10:49
disappointment, however, is it's ahealthy alternative. So
03:10:49 --> 03:10:54
disappointment is a healthynegative emotion. So when you
03:10:54 --> 03:10:59
experience hurt, the emotionalgoal that you should then set for
03:10:59 --> 03:11:03
yourself, because you don't wantto stay stuck in the emotion of
03:11:03 --> 03:11:07
hurt, right? Because typically,it's going to be associated with
03:11:07 --> 03:11:12
or produced behaviors that areself sabotaging to you and to the
03:11:12 --> 03:11:17
relationship. So you don't want tostay in hurt. Your emotional goal,
03:11:17 --> 03:11:22
though, should not be happiness,because that's not realistic. It
03:11:22 --> 03:11:25
should be the healthy alternative,which is disappointment.
03:11:27 --> 03:11:30
One of the ways you know, inwhich, whether you're in
03:11:30 --> 03:11:34
disappointment or hurt, isactually what you're doing. What
03:11:34 --> 03:11:38
is it producing? So always askyourself, what are my thoughts and
03:11:38 --> 03:11:39
emotions producing?
03:11:41 --> 03:11:45
Is it producing you isolating,lashing out?
03:11:47 --> 03:11:51
Passive aggressive behavior, themore than likely, that's you
03:11:51 --> 03:11:57
experiencing hurt and staying inthat. And so one of the reasons
03:11:57 --> 03:11:58
why
03:11:59 --> 03:12:00
that's important
03:12:02 --> 03:12:03
is because
03:12:04 --> 03:12:09
the way to get out of that is theyunderstand that hurt often is
03:12:11 --> 03:12:15
based off of this belief that Idon't deserve what I'm getting.
03:12:16 --> 03:12:21
Right? And that goes back to thatentitlement thing. Right, when we
03:12:21 --> 03:12:25
don't believe we deserve whatwe're getting, and we all believe
03:12:25 --> 03:12:29
we oftentimes experienced theemotion of hurt. So then the
03:12:29 --> 03:12:30
actual
03:12:32 --> 03:12:37
challenge for you to do whenyou're experiencing hurt, is to
03:12:37 --> 03:12:41
challenge the thinking that youdon't deserve this.
03:12:42 --> 03:12:46
I wept. And if I was working withyou, where's it written in your
03:12:46 --> 03:12:50
belief system, that you don'tdeserve? polygyny?
03:12:51 --> 03:12:54
As in this is something that youknow, I didn't sign up for and I
03:12:54 --> 03:12:58
don't you know, I'm a good woman.I shouldn't have to go through
03:12:58 --> 03:13:01
this. You know, I'm a good sister.I've done everything. But
03:13:03 --> 03:13:07
all of that is something wrongwith me. Yeah, yeah. Right.
03:13:07 --> 03:13:11
Because remember, when my frame ofreference, when my frame of
03:13:11 --> 03:13:17
reference is that the mostgenerous is only going to give me
03:13:17 --> 03:13:22
something up for myself? monogamy.Then if the most generous is as
03:13:22 --> 03:13:26
I've defined him, boxed him intobeat. If he gives me other than
03:13:26 --> 03:13:29
that, then it must be there'ssomething wrong with me.
03:13:30 --> 03:13:33
Yeah, right. So again, you got tocome back to the thinking and I
03:13:33 --> 03:13:37
would say just in brief, theemotional goal would be
03:13:37 --> 03:13:41
disappointment that he didn't comein tell me beforehand. The
03:13:41 --> 03:13:43
emotional goal is
03:13:45 --> 03:13:49
is that that's what you want tomove towards disappointment. And
03:13:49 --> 03:13:53
what are the thoughts you need tohave to get there? Does that kind
03:13:53 --> 03:13:56
of fade thank you so much, Jada,for joining us live here the only
03:13:57 --> 03:13:59
only sister on the life tonightMay Allah reward you. Thank you
03:13:59 --> 03:14:03
for always supporting the channeland just being here. When you love
03:14:03 --> 03:14:05
it. When you don't love it. Weappreciate you Masha Allah, just
03:14:05 --> 03:14:09
like I love her, you know, I wantto bring the brother inshallah you
03:14:09 --> 03:14:13
can come up if you're available. Ijust want to just address this
03:14:13 --> 03:14:17
system. Somebody called a womandoesn't need to leave the
03:14:17 --> 03:14:20
marriage. If the husband choosesto marry again, she can choose to
03:14:20 --> 03:14:24
forego all relations with him. Noprovision, no intimacy, their
03:14:24 --> 03:14:28
priority now can just be the kids.I just want to say to that.
03:14:29 --> 03:14:29
Why?
03:14:31 --> 03:14:37
Why? Why should you forego yourprovision? Why should you forego
03:14:37 --> 03:14:40
your intimacy? Like, I don't getit. Like,
03:14:41 --> 03:14:44
what are you saying that you don'tneed provision anymore? Now that
03:14:44 --> 03:14:47
he has another wife, you don'tdesire intimacy anymore? Because
03:14:47 --> 03:14:49
he has someone else and maybe youdidn't? Maybe that's what you're
03:14:49 --> 03:14:52
saying. But I don't think thatagain, this is the power play that
03:14:52 --> 03:14:56
people kind of think that it isbecause you're hurting yourself at
03:14:56 --> 03:14:59
the end of the day and you'redamaging your relationship for for
03:14:59 --> 03:14:59
no reason, but it
03:15:00 --> 03:15:05
Big. Yes, problematic l'enfantenabler. Welcome back. Zach Lowe
03:15:05 --> 03:15:07
has already come brother Nelson.
03:15:08 --> 03:15:13
How are you? Alhamdulillah? Cave?How come I have one of the name?
03:15:15 --> 03:15:18
Right. So what's it to be? Whatare your thoughts on what you've
03:15:18 --> 03:15:19
seen so far?
03:15:23 --> 03:15:26
The sister getting very upset. ButI have one thing to say is just
03:15:27 --> 03:15:27
very simple.
03:15:29 --> 03:15:34
If your wife wants her husband totell you, I'm going to marry again
03:15:34 --> 03:15:39
make it easy for him to tell you.I tell this story many times
03:15:39 --> 03:15:45
before, I had two wives when I was27. One wife, I tell I'm getting
03:15:45 --> 03:15:47
third wife, other wife. I don'ttell
03:15:48 --> 03:15:52
why. Because one of my wives, Iknew that she was going to cause a
03:15:52 --> 03:15:55
volcanic eruption. And the otherone I knew she'd be upset, but she
03:15:55 --> 03:16:00
I knew she could handle heremotions in the correct way. And
03:16:00 --> 03:16:03
that's it, you know, so and that'sexactly what happened. We had a
03:16:03 --> 03:16:07
volcanic eruption from the firstone. So if you want your husband
03:16:07 --> 03:16:10
to because I used to be veryheadstrong on this, and that was
03:16:10 --> 03:16:13
no man should always tell hiswife, you should always tell have
03:16:13 --> 03:16:19
the b man and tell B, you know,yeah, man basically, having spoken
03:16:19 --> 03:16:23
in detail with other brothers andtheir experiences and the side
03:16:23 --> 03:16:26
effects that they have experiencedas a result of that. Why at first,
03:16:26 --> 03:16:29
why finding a way bla bla bla, myopinion has slightly altered on
03:16:29 --> 03:16:31
this. And it's more of a,
03:16:33 --> 03:16:37
an individual situation thing. Ifyou're with a woman who is not,
03:16:37 --> 03:16:41
she doesn't have to like it. Butshe just has to be sensible in how
03:16:41 --> 03:16:45
she approaches the discussion thathas no problem. But if you're with
03:16:46 --> 03:16:51
a sister, who is going to causeyou all sorts of problems,
03:16:52 --> 03:16:56
then I understand why a man wouldnot want to bring that to her
03:16:56 --> 03:17:00
attention. I get it. You know, Iget it.
03:17:03 --> 03:17:07
You know, what, this is what Imentioned, you know, earlier, and
03:17:07 --> 03:17:12
Matthias is explaining itextremely well, as well as coach,
03:17:12 --> 03:17:18
this is like, this is why I pushback and push back with the system
03:17:18 --> 03:17:23
when she you know, with no illintent, I'm sure was shaming
03:17:23 --> 03:17:28
brothers and not being manly, orthis concept of defining brothers
03:17:28 --> 03:17:32
as being coward. Like we have togo beyond just the labeling
03:17:32 --> 03:17:37
Because oftentimes, brothers aremaking that decision because it's
03:17:37 --> 03:17:42
informed. Men typically makelogical decisions that's based off
03:17:42 --> 03:17:46
of information. We may not agreewith the information, the
03:17:46 --> 03:17:50
deduction, the conclusion, theevaluation that they make, from
03:17:50 --> 03:17:54
the informed decision, the data,I'm not sure what you call it data
03:17:54 --> 03:17:57
in the UK, I think you guyspronounce it differently. But it's
03:17:57 --> 03:18:03
based off of data. And sisters,you give your husband data. So
03:18:04 --> 03:18:08
when he makes a decision, again,you can disagree with it. But it's
03:18:08 --> 03:18:12
not necessarily and again, I shyaway from the label of coward.
03:18:13 --> 03:18:17
Because it's just It'sintellectually dishonest. You
03:18:17 --> 03:18:21
really don't want to do thedigging to ask yourself,
03:18:22 --> 03:18:27
What have I shown him that mayhave contributed to him deciding
03:18:27 --> 03:18:31
not to tell me. Now again, thereare brothers who may not make a
03:18:31 --> 03:18:35
logical choice, and they just maymake a quick knee jerk reaction
03:18:35 --> 03:18:40
that's there. But let's not assumeall brothers are making choices
03:18:40 --> 03:18:45
based off that oftentimes becausethis is the other thing and system
03:18:45 --> 03:18:49
name ethic you notice one of mypet peeves and coaching see Nazir,
03:18:49 --> 03:18:52
I think he was alluding to this.We also kind of have this kind of
03:18:52 --> 03:18:57
Disney Homer Simpson like image ofmen and brothers that there is no
03:18:57 --> 03:19:01
intellect. No, we're makinginformed decisions. We're making
03:19:01 --> 03:19:05
logical decisions. theaccountability piece is are you
03:19:05 --> 03:19:10
going to ask yourself What have Ishown my husband and Sister Sister
03:19:10 --> 03:19:13
name? I think you also had acomment from one of your posts
03:19:14 --> 03:19:18
that a brother was mentioningabout how sister with his wife was
03:19:18 --> 03:19:22
saying she was going to respond.And so that type of thing I think
03:19:22 --> 03:19:26
you can understand, may not agree,but you can understand why if that
03:19:26 --> 03:19:27
brother made that decision
03:19:29 --> 03:19:33
to not inform his wife it would bebased off of the things that she
03:19:33 --> 03:19:36
said she would do in retaliationif he decided to.
03:19:37 --> 03:19:41
I think everything that we'retalking about now is these are all
03:19:41 --> 03:19:46
like, mate guarding tactics,right? This is them wanting to
03:19:46 --> 03:19:50
secure the provision, secure theman secure his commitments, etc.
03:19:51 --> 03:19:54
Putting a clause in the contractis is a risk that you take right
03:19:54 --> 03:19:57
because it's a threat basically,and you're hoping he's not going
03:19:57 --> 03:19:59
to kind of you know, call you onthat.
03:20:00 --> 03:20:03
similarly, you know, sayingthreats within the marriage that
03:20:03 --> 03:20:07
if you do, I'm going to do X, Y,and Zed. These are all ways to
03:20:07 --> 03:20:11
stop him from doing the thing,right? And the problem is, it's a
03:20:11 --> 03:20:16
risk, right? It is a risk. And arisk is wonderful when you take a
03:20:16 --> 03:20:19
risk and you win. But what happenswhen you take the risk and you
03:20:19 --> 03:20:21
lose, right?
03:20:22 --> 03:20:25
Obviously, most of us are mostpeople, most women, I say us just
03:20:25 --> 03:20:30
in general, as women are taking arisk, saying this outrageous
03:20:30 --> 03:20:34
thing, like I'm gonna leave, I'lltake the kids, I'll do this crazy
03:20:34 --> 03:20:38
stuff, not because that's what wewant to do. But because we're
03:20:38 --> 03:20:41
taking that chance that risk tohope that he believes you enough
03:20:42 --> 03:20:46
to avoid does not do the thing,right. Do you know why? In my
03:20:46 --> 03:20:46
experience,
03:20:47 --> 03:20:52
it's becoming a real common trendis that the sisters who are most
03:20:52 --> 03:20:55
vehemently opposed to the idea ofpolygyny not from a shadow
03:20:55 --> 03:20:58
perspective, but just likeemotionally, they are the ones who
03:20:58 --> 03:21:03
are married. And the sisters whoare most open to polygyny are the
03:21:03 --> 03:21:07
ones who are struggling, beingsingle. Yeah, it's a privilege,
03:21:07 --> 03:21:10
right? It's protecting aprivilege, right? And the reality
03:21:10 --> 03:21:13
is, and I've said this before, thereality is, in the society that we
03:21:13 --> 03:21:16
live in, the majority of marriageswill be monogamous. That's a fact
03:21:16 --> 03:21:19
that hamdulillah Yeah, it just iswhat it is. hamdulillah right. So
03:21:19 --> 03:21:23
sisters, you can be very happy.The chances of you actually having
03:21:23 --> 03:21:25
to deal with what we're talkingabout today are off quite slim,
03:21:25 --> 03:21:29
relatively speaking, right. Butwhat happens is that the narrative
03:21:29 --> 03:21:35
within the community is dominatedby the concerns of that only wife.
03:21:35 --> 03:21:40
Let me let me push sister Nymo, asyou might you said just now that
03:21:40 --> 03:21:43
it's not always just as you can behappy. But there's an underlying
03:21:43 --> 03:21:46
presumption here. And thatunderlying presumption is monogamy
03:21:46 --> 03:21:50
is better than polygyny. Well,yeah, but that's the dream. We've
03:21:50 --> 03:21:53
talked about before the fantasyand the dream is the man loves
03:21:53 --> 03:21:56
only me, and he's committed onlyto me, and I will never have to
03:21:56 --> 03:21:58
share him. That is the fantasy andthe dream.
03:22:00 --> 03:22:03
Look, the but the underlyingpresumption here is monogamy is
03:22:03 --> 03:22:07
better than polygyny. And myresponse to a sister who would say
03:22:07 --> 03:22:10
that is how do you know? How doyou know? Now I'm not saying
03:22:10 --> 03:22:13
polygyny is better than monogamy.I'm not saying that. I know
03:22:13 --> 03:22:16
there's an ayah in the Quran,where Allah mentioned two, three
03:22:16 --> 03:22:19
or four first before he mentionedone, okay, but then he couldn't
03:22:19 --> 03:22:23
conclude by saying if you feedinjustice, then just one right? So
03:22:23 --> 03:22:27
I'm not saying polygyny is betterthan monogamy. However, I am
03:22:27 --> 03:22:31
asking the question simply, how doyou know that monogamy is better
03:22:31 --> 03:22:35
than polygyny, I can tell youhaving been in monogamy. And in
03:22:35 --> 03:22:39
polygyny that there are pros andcons to both. They'll
03:22:40 --> 03:22:44
even tell you which one is better.For me personally, I would say
03:22:44 --> 03:22:47
polygyny is better It has itshardships as well. However, there
03:22:47 --> 03:22:50
are really pros and cons to both.Yeah. And it's not just like, oh,
03:22:50 --> 03:22:52
yeah, monogamy is the superiorchoice. And that's not true at
03:22:52 --> 03:22:53
all.
03:22:54 --> 03:22:58
The thing the thing is, there'sthere's two levels here, right? On
03:22:58 --> 03:23:02
the level of just purely what'sbetter, and what's worse in terms
03:23:02 --> 03:23:05
of what feels better, what feelsworse, right? There's an argument
03:23:05 --> 03:23:09
to be made. And yes, the both ofthem have pros and cons. Most
03:23:09 --> 03:23:13
sisters would rather take the consof monogamy, to enjoy the pros
03:23:13 --> 03:23:18
than to take the pros of polygamyin to deal and have to deal with
03:23:18 --> 03:23:19
the cons, right?
03:23:20 --> 03:23:24
However, that's the surface level.What's interesting to me is the
03:23:24 --> 03:23:29
deeper level, right is the deeperlevel on in terms of our deen and
03:23:29 --> 03:23:34
our the baraka within oursituations, and what is possible,
03:23:34 --> 03:23:38
also our own emotional growth andpotentially the growth of the
03:23:38 --> 03:23:41
relationship. Those are thingsthat you never hear people
03:23:41 --> 03:23:46
factoring in because the narrativeis a husband marrying again is
03:23:46 --> 03:23:50
like throwing a nuclear bomb intohis family. Basically, he's
03:23:50 --> 03:23:52
destroyed his family. And that'sthe narrative and it's just as
03:23:52 --> 03:23:55
mentioned many times Gordo eatsDesikan off and on for the Super
03:23:55 --> 03:23:56
Chat because I can offer thank you
03:24:00 --> 03:24:04
to six out of 10 or more than 110out of 10 Shout out Abu American
03:24:04 --> 03:24:04
okay.
03:24:05 --> 03:24:10
So, so so so again, you see whenyou said that, you know how do you
03:24:10 --> 03:24:11
know that monogamy is better?That's
03:24:12 --> 03:24:16
definitely the narrative that iscommon in society definitely plays
03:24:16 --> 03:24:20
a part the conditioning, etc. Butalso because we are looking at
03:24:20 --> 03:24:24
things in a self centeredsuperficial level, right, which is
03:24:24 --> 03:24:27
what feels good to me. What fitswas my dream was fits with my
03:24:27 --> 03:24:31
fantasy what I've always wanted,right? And I hate to go back to
03:24:31 --> 03:24:35
this idea, which I mentioned in mylive stream earlier this week. It
03:24:35 --> 03:24:37
could be that you dislike a thingand there's good in it for you and
03:24:37 --> 03:24:40
that you like a thing and that isbad for you. But like I said
03:24:40 --> 03:24:43
whenever we're talking aboutpeople adjusting expectations and
03:24:43 --> 03:24:47
mindset on this channel, we'rejust saying the Islamic the
03:24:47 --> 03:24:51
Islamic like going by what Allahhas taught in the Quran and the
03:24:51 --> 03:24:54
Sunnah and told showed us from theexample right? You don't have to
03:24:54 --> 03:24:57
do anything more than that. Andyou know what, Allah is just the
03:24:57 --> 03:24:59
name. I'm gonna bring it back tothis what I said just now
03:25:00 --> 03:25:02
because there's a massive doublestandard going on amongst the
03:25:02 --> 03:25:06
sisters are called out for what itis the married sisters who have
03:25:06 --> 03:25:08
who are in their first marriagetypically, and they've been
03:25:08 --> 03:25:11
married for a meaningful period oftime. They are the ones generally
03:25:11 --> 03:25:15
speaking, speaking in broad terms,who are most vehemently against
03:25:15 --> 03:25:19
their husbands marrying again,right. And then the ones who are
03:25:19 --> 03:25:22
divorced maybe twice, three times,they're the ones who are most
03:25:22 --> 03:25:27
likely vocally open to the idea.And the funniest thing is, I have
03:25:27 --> 03:25:32
this experience as well. One of mywives, she sought her home from
03:25:32 --> 03:25:35
me, because the whole villagebecame just became too much. She
03:25:35 --> 03:25:39
ended up getting married again, aswell as the second wave. Another
03:25:39 --> 03:25:43
one of the wives that I married,she she was the first wife before
03:25:43 --> 03:25:45
before she might be the first one.
03:25:46 --> 03:25:49
And then the whole polygyny thinggot too much for her bottom line,
03:25:49 --> 03:25:52
she left. There were other reasonsas well, but it was the crux of
03:25:52 --> 03:25:54
the matter was polygyny. Shemarried me is the second one.
03:25:58 --> 03:26:01
She married you, was my second Iwant you once she left her
03:26:01 --> 03:26:05
husband, she was what she was mysecond way. So the one I'm trying
03:26:05 --> 03:26:09
to say is this, if you are asystem, who is in her first
03:26:09 --> 03:26:12
marriage, and you do have a goodman, be careful. Yeah. And you
03:26:12 --> 03:26:16
don't want Allah to test you withthis. Be careful. If you have a
03:26:16 --> 03:26:19
good man, you think clearly youmust be a good man. If you're very
03:26:19 --> 03:26:22
clingy to him, and you really holdthem in this high regard, well,
03:26:22 --> 03:26:25
then, okay, maybe he can be a goodman to another woman as well. And
03:26:25 --> 03:26:28
you don't want Allah to test youwith this being divorced and then
03:26:28 --> 03:26:31
being next man, second, third,fourth wife, and it's nowhere near
03:26:31 --> 03:26:33
as good as the first marriage thatyou had. And you're constantly
03:26:33 --> 03:26:37
reminiscing and you wish you couldgo back but now it's too late. I'm
03:26:37 --> 03:26:40
talking from experience but like,I need
03:26:42 --> 03:26:47
sisters not blowing up their goodsituation. Because they because
03:26:47 --> 03:26:51
they don't feel they're notfeeling it for whatever reason, is
03:26:51 --> 03:26:55
like it's something we need tokeep iterating because you know, I
03:26:55 --> 03:27:00
Yanni things are changing. This iswhy it's important to understand
03:27:00 --> 03:27:02
how to regulate your emotions.
03:27:03 --> 03:27:07
Because typically, you you drop ina new coin, your situation is
03:27:07 --> 03:27:12
emotion based, not logical. No, itwill never be logical. Yeah. 100%.
03:27:12 --> 03:27:16
And, you know, just just toreiterate on brother, Matthews
03:27:16 --> 03:27:20
points, it's true what I said onmy live stream, you know, when you
03:27:20 --> 03:27:21
are the only one?
03:27:22 --> 03:27:25
That's that's your position, andyou're gonna defend that position.
03:27:25 --> 03:27:29
Right. So you're definitely notlistening to or open to a
03:27:29 --> 03:27:32
conversation about brothersmarrying again? Because to be
03:27:32 --> 03:27:35
honest, you don't care about theother sisters. And what am I gonna
03:27:35 --> 03:27:38
care about those other sisters?I've got my man go find your own.
03:27:38 --> 03:27:42
Isn't that the vibe sisters in thechat? Be frank, be honest. That's
03:27:42 --> 03:27:47
what it is. I've got mine. Go findyour own. Yeah, go fight. Allah
03:27:47 --> 03:27:50
will give you one of your own. Ilove it. Allah will give you one
03:27:50 --> 03:27:52
of your very own, like, youshouldn't even be in this
03:27:52 --> 03:27:57
conversation, meaning stay awayfrom my mind. I don't want to
03:27:57 --> 03:28:01
share him with you. I don't wanthim thinking he can even go there
03:28:01 --> 03:28:04
with you. I'm not interested.Right. And again, sisters are
03:28:04 --> 03:28:08
saying oh, they're being shamedfor not wanting to marry and that
03:28:08 --> 03:28:12
this expectation that Muslim womenshould, you know, should be open
03:28:12 --> 03:28:16
to it is above and beyond. It'stoo much. It's extreme. You know,
03:28:16 --> 03:28:19
we're forcing sisters to acceptpolygamy. It's not. But the
03:28:19 --> 03:28:22
reality is this. And there's astory about this, that kind of
03:28:22 --> 03:28:25
made the rounds. I don't knowwhere it came from. But it was
03:28:25 --> 03:28:28
about a woman writing about howwhen she was married, she had a
03:28:28 --> 03:28:32
wonderful husband. And he wantedto marry a widow, or were divorced
03:28:32 --> 03:28:36
or something I can't remember now.And she lost her mind. She's She
03:28:36 --> 03:28:39
lost her mind. She was like, Noway. You know, not after
03:28:39 --> 03:28:41
everything that I've done, andwe've built and everything and she
03:28:41 --> 03:28:44
made his life * to the pointthat he said, call us like, Okay,
03:28:44 --> 03:28:50
leave it. I'll leave it fine. Manyyears later, now, he dies. She's
03:28:50 --> 03:28:53
now a widow. And she's alone.
03:28:54 --> 03:28:58
And a man came to ask for herhand. And she was obviously so
03:28:58 --> 03:29:03
grateful. And so so so happy assomeone wanted to marry her and
03:29:03 --> 03:29:07
make make her his wife and havechildren with have a you know, a
03:29:07 --> 03:29:10
father figure and all of thatstuff. Everything's going forward
03:29:10 --> 03:29:16
nicely. But then the first wifesaid, over my dead body, no way.
03:29:16 --> 03:29:21
No way. Not after all I've donebasically, her own actions were
03:29:21 --> 03:29:26
just mirrored back to her. And itwas only when she was in the shoes
03:29:26 --> 03:29:30
of the woman whose risk she hadblocked way back when she had the
03:29:30 --> 03:29:35
power that she could see. I wascoming from a place of
03:29:35 --> 03:29:40
selfishness. I was coming from aplace of of self centered and self
03:29:40 --> 03:29:44
righteousness. And I was not atall wanting for my sister what I
03:29:44 --> 03:29:47
want for myself. I had no Rama forthat system. I had no care for
03:29:47 --> 03:29:51
that system. I didn't care if shedied on the street as far as I was
03:29:51 --> 03:29:54
concerned. As long as she didn'tstep in my house and take my
03:29:54 --> 03:29:58
husband and have anything to dowith what was mine. Now I am that
03:29:58 --> 03:29:59
sister. So everyone out
03:30:00 --> 03:30:04
They're, we don't know, we don'tknow what the future holds, you
03:30:04 --> 03:30:08
don't know what Allah has writtenfor you whether what we know with
03:30:08 --> 03:30:11
regards to your marriage now withregards to what will happen in the
03:30:11 --> 03:30:16
future. So, have a bit of humilityand also understand that, you
03:30:16 --> 03:30:19
know, yes, it makes sense for youto not want to kind of, you know,
03:30:20 --> 03:30:22
not want to encourage somethingthat you see as a threat to you.
03:30:23 --> 03:30:28
But the reality is, more and moreand more sisters, unfortunately,
03:30:28 --> 03:30:30
are going to find themselves inthat camp with the way that the
03:30:30 --> 03:30:34
divorce rates is going. More andmore sisters are not going to be
03:30:34 --> 03:30:38
the only wife married to a man whois the father of their children.
03:30:38 --> 03:30:42
It's unfortunate. It's a bit of adisaster for the community. But
03:30:42 --> 03:30:46
more and more sisters are going tofind themselves on the other side
03:30:46 --> 03:30:50
of that first marriage. Now, theyare the divorcees now they are the
03:30:50 --> 03:30:54
single mums. Now they are thewidows now. You're the ones guys
03:30:54 --> 03:30:57
that everyone's looking at andsaying, Stay away from Amen. And
03:30:57 --> 03:30:58
then it starts to hit different
03:31:00 --> 03:31:01
lights.
03:31:02 --> 03:31:06
I just look, I just wish I hadone. XRP for every time I heard it
03:31:06 --> 03:31:08
says to say most of these men.
03:31:10 --> 03:31:15
Amen. XRP army in the building. Solook, it every time I heard a
03:31:15 --> 03:31:22
sister who who says most of thesem*n can handle one that alone two,
03:31:22 --> 03:31:28
three or four says you just youjust You're bleeding out. That's
03:31:28 --> 03:31:33
all that is. That's all that issays. Engage the conversation.
03:31:33 --> 03:31:38
We've been on this for three hoursand 31 minutes. Is that Oh, I
03:31:38 --> 03:31:39
mean, really?
03:31:41 --> 03:31:47
Pardon me? Brothers just greetingfor more XRP. So at the my
03:31:48 --> 03:31:52
heart and my greed. You guys canbuy him a coffee? Buy me a
03:31:52 --> 03:31:56
coffee.com/. Let's see. I mean,and you can buy me a coffee there
03:31:56 --> 03:31:59
as well. And anybody else who'sbuying me a coffee, it's
03:32:00 --> 03:32:03
not even one thing. I would liketo ask coaching and see the
03:32:03 --> 03:32:05
question that stuff. And I like toask
03:32:07 --> 03:32:09
my brother must be the samequestion.
03:32:11 --> 03:32:17
brothers do either the either oneof you. And if let me put the
03:32:17 --> 03:32:20
question out which path you want.Respectfully.
03:32:21 --> 03:32:25
can either view name not name, butcan either of you, in your mind
03:32:25 --> 03:32:31
point to five single brothers thatyou would? You could could point
03:32:31 --> 03:32:37
to that would be good formarriage? Of course. You can. Yes.
03:32:37 --> 03:32:42
Absolutely. Me personally. Yes, Iknow. Apologies. Apologies. Let me
03:32:42 --> 03:32:45
qualify that. I'm sorry. I didn'tmention if I said that are single.
03:32:47 --> 03:32:48
Single.
03:32:50 --> 03:32:53
You just move the goalposts. No,no, I apologize. I wouldn't
03:32:55 --> 03:32:55
know.
03:32:57 --> 03:33:02
Because that was the point thatSeth was making, is that most
03:33:02 --> 03:33:06
quality brothers that are capableare already married. Yes.
03:33:07 --> 03:33:11
He was saying I can't name fivebrothers right now that are
03:33:11 --> 03:33:17
single, that are capable formarriage. So apology coach and say
03:33:17 --> 03:33:19
I think you were speakingapologies.
03:33:20 --> 03:33:27
newly single, I was say, twobrothers newly single. But not
03:33:27 --> 03:33:29
that I've never been married now.Unfortunately.
03:33:31 --> 03:33:33
Yeah, I mean, you don't want themeither.
03:33:34 --> 03:33:34
There's
03:33:37 --> 03:33:38
something to be said about,
03:33:39 --> 03:33:43
you know, just being tried andtested. And that's when when
03:33:43 --> 03:33:45
brothers asked me Oh, should Ibecause I got married very young
03:33:45 --> 03:33:48
myself. I got married at 16. Andbrothers say to me, man, should I
03:33:48 --> 03:33:52
get married? I said, then there'spros and cons to both. First and
03:33:52 --> 03:33:54
foremost, if you fear falling intoharam, then you don't have a
03:33:54 --> 03:33:58
choice. Marriage is not what washappening. Secondly, I love the
03:33:58 --> 03:34:00
fact that I got married youngbecause my kids are like my
03:34:00 --> 03:34:05
brothers. Now, you know is thatwas my age, honestly, because I
03:34:05 --> 03:34:10
had three kids by the time I was19. But that has a concept to it
03:34:10 --> 03:34:14
as well. The concept is you starta family very young, you start,
03:34:15 --> 03:34:19
you're starting behind someone whois single and able to save and
03:34:19 --> 03:34:23
then invest and so on, you see. Sothere's pros and cons to both.
03:34:25 --> 03:34:29
But as young as possible, becauseI remember watching a lecture by
03:34:29 --> 03:34:33
Natalie Hahn, and you know, thislecture is the old lectures nearly
03:34:33 --> 03:34:36
10 years old, but he saidsomething quite profound. And I
03:34:36 --> 03:34:39
don't know if it's still relevantin today's day and age considering
03:34:39 --> 03:34:42
the climate and how fussy womenhave become in the West. However,
03:34:42 --> 03:34:45
he said, if you're a man and notmarried, you are not married by
03:34:45 --> 03:34:48
the age of 25. There's somethingwrong with the lie this way said
03:34:49 --> 03:34:53
there's something wrong with you.Now, in today, this is an old
03:34:53 --> 03:34:56
lecture, remember now Okay, now intoday's climate where women are
03:34:56 --> 03:35:00
holding out for this oftenfantastical creature
03:35:00 --> 03:35:02
He doesn't even exist, right?Maybe it's a slightly different
03:35:02 --> 03:35:07
situation. However, definitely youdo start to become fuzzier. The
03:35:07 --> 03:35:11
longer you hold out, okay, someone of my wife's friends who 40
03:35:11 --> 03:35:13
years old, she's never beenmarried before, and she's still
03:35:13 --> 03:35:17
not married. And now herexpectations are even higher. And
03:35:17 --> 03:35:21
what she said, she said, Well, I'mnot gonna, I'm not gonna break my
03:35:21 --> 03:35:24
fast on a bus law. I'm not gonnabreak my fast on an onion. I've
03:35:24 --> 03:35:28
been fasting for 20 years, youexpect me to break my fast on a
03:35:28 --> 03:35:34
bus law? So the longer you wait,the more you expect, but because
03:35:34 --> 03:35:39
of your way, ironically. So justquickly as possible.
03:35:42 --> 03:35:45
I have a question, actually, thatI want to round off on. Because,
03:35:45 --> 03:35:48
you know, I'm sure that you allhave an interesting perspective on
03:35:48 --> 03:35:52
this. And I think Brother Matty,you mentioned that after the first
03:35:52 --> 03:35:57
wife, or the initial wife, this isthis is coaches use language
03:35:58 --> 03:36:01
verbiage, the initial wife, afteryour initial wife, if you marry
03:36:01 --> 03:36:06
subsequent wives, your criteriagoes down, like you become less
03:36:06 --> 03:36:09
fussy. Right? You still feelthat's the case that you can you
03:36:09 --> 03:36:16
talk to that? Yeah. 100%. Zero islike, hey, no, no, no. I think
03:36:16 --> 03:36:18
there may be some different viewson this. And what's your take on
03:36:18 --> 03:36:21
that? If you've never beenmarried, if you've never been
03:36:21 --> 03:36:26
married before? Okay. You arelooking for a woman to take the
03:36:26 --> 03:36:29
majority of your boxes, especiallyif you want to have a family with
03:36:29 --> 03:36:33
her. But let's say you're you'vehad children younger, you're a man
03:36:33 --> 03:36:34
and you've had two children, andyou're not even interested in
03:36:34 --> 03:36:37
having more children. I'm notsaying that's the case for me,
03:36:37 --> 03:36:39
because it's not. But a lot of mendon't want to have 20 kids. I want
03:36:39 --> 03:36:42
to have 20 kids, most men don'twant to have 20 kids. It's like,
03:36:42 --> 03:36:45
okay, I don't want to have more,more children. Yeah, unless she's
03:36:45 --> 03:36:48
got some children of her own fine.Okay. She's not as young as I'd
03:36:48 --> 03:36:51
like her to be, but we're notgonna have kids. So he starts
03:36:51 --> 03:36:54
bringing the bar down. Do you see?That doesn't mean it's going to
03:36:54 --> 03:36:59
compromise on important dealbreaker values. For example, for
03:36:59 --> 03:37:05
me the most important thing to meafter her Dean and and the basics
03:37:05 --> 03:37:09
Yeah, and he is it she doesn'thave a does she have a baseline
03:37:09 --> 03:37:12
level of attractiveness colors?I'm not very fuzzy on baseline is
03:37:12 --> 03:37:12
okay.
03:37:13 --> 03:37:15
Is she nice?
03:37:16 --> 03:37:20
If you're not nice if you're not anice woman, I don't want to know
03:37:20 --> 03:37:25
you. Period. Are you nice? What doI mean by nice? Are you friendly,
03:37:25 --> 03:37:30
agreeable? Nice. This is such amassive thing for me. Aside from
03:37:30 --> 03:37:31
that, mushy.
03:37:34 --> 03:37:38
Okay, what do you guys say? Coach?Nazim? You've got two slots, I
03:37:38 --> 03:37:43
believe. So do you have like, alaundry list and fill them? Is it
03:37:43 --> 03:37:45
going to be easy for someone tojust slide in those? What's
03:37:45 --> 03:37:46
happening
03:37:48 --> 03:37:49
is
03:37:50 --> 03:37:54
the qualifications. From myperspective, again, I'm a man, I'm
03:37:54 --> 03:38:02
46. So I have less tolerance forshenanigans, if you will. So it
03:38:02 --> 03:38:05
doesn't mean I have higherexpectations. So that means now
03:38:05 --> 03:38:07
you're coming into something. Andit's a little different because
03:38:07 --> 03:38:10
now you know, being traveling theworld and dealing with so many
03:38:10 --> 03:38:15
different things, is that you haveto come in and be fitting a
03:38:15 --> 03:38:18
specific role. Again, when youfirst get me into polygyny, it's
03:38:18 --> 03:38:20
different, you're brand new, whenyou first get married, you have a
03:38:20 --> 03:38:23
lot of love with somebody else.And you may have all these dreams,
03:38:23 --> 03:38:27
but you don't know anything. Ifyou you know, so far as marriage
03:38:27 --> 03:38:29
is concerned, you might haverelationships, marriage is
03:38:29 --> 03:38:31
different, you get to monogamy, itis what it is you're learning and
03:38:31 --> 03:38:34
going you're growing as a person Idid, then 15 years later got
03:38:34 --> 03:38:38
married to polygyny, a whole lotof changing and shifting dynamics.
03:38:38 --> 03:38:41
But now being a policeman, again,two are different than being three
03:38:41 --> 03:38:45
or four. But those three or fourare gonna have totally different
03:38:45 --> 03:38:48
conditions, as in my first andsecond marriage, because I've
03:38:48 --> 03:38:51
matured to a certain level wherethere's certain levels of maturity
03:38:51 --> 03:38:53
things I'm not gonna we're notgonna deal with anything petty,
03:38:54 --> 03:38:56
I'm at an age in my life. Like Isaid, I'm more focused on my
03:38:56 --> 03:39:00
children getting married. Butshould I open up that third slot?
03:39:00 --> 03:39:04
It's a whole different type ofapplication process, if you will,
03:39:04 --> 03:39:06
there may be you know, certainskills and certain things, but you
03:39:06 --> 03:39:09
already have to come into itready? It's not a learning period
03:39:09 --> 03:39:13
anymore. With getting married nomatter you know what preferences I
03:39:13 --> 03:39:16
like age wise and beauty. Not thatthose things don't matter, of
03:39:16 --> 03:39:19
course, but I mean, I'm notlooking to having any more. I
03:39:19 --> 03:39:22
don't I tend to buy lots ofchildren to stuff. I'm good,
03:39:22 --> 03:39:25
doesn't it's good. So I'm notlooking. I don't want any more
03:39:25 --> 03:39:28
children. I'm kidding. But notinterested in that. So there are
03:39:28 --> 03:39:32
certain things and tick boxes, butthere's less patients I would have
03:39:33 --> 03:39:35
because I'm not here trainingsomebody else you need to go watch
03:39:35 --> 03:39:38
out hundreds of videos. If youwant to get on the team
03:39:39 --> 03:39:41
onboarding video series.
03:39:43 --> 03:39:46
From all your YouTube videos, saveyou're interested watch
03:39:49 --> 03:39:49
the quiz.
03:39:50 --> 03:39:54
Hey, you know they may have to butit becomes more picky for me. At
03:39:54 --> 03:39:57
least in my stage of life. I waslooking younger looking for more
03:39:57 --> 03:39:59
children and stuff like that. It'dbe a little different.
03:40:00 --> 03:40:02
But even then, the mentalityreally off, you know, if you're
03:40:02 --> 03:40:05
not reading these books, if youdon't know who these authors are,
03:40:05 --> 03:40:07
we're going to be on to the nextone. You don't say because we have
03:40:07 --> 03:40:10
more of a choice to choose fromthan the women have to choose
03:40:10 --> 03:40:13
from. So those two spots arereally precious. And I can't I'm
03:40:13 --> 03:40:16
not wasting time. I'm not gettingmarried to get divorced. I'm
03:40:16 --> 03:40:19
trying to win with it and dolegacy stuff. So that's just, you
03:40:19 --> 03:40:20
know, that's my perspective.
03:40:22 --> 03:40:23
And Berlin isn't nothing.
03:40:25 --> 03:40:28
Yeah, well, I think, you know,we've had this conversation on on,
03:40:28 --> 03:40:34
I think, the different podcast. MyMy thing is this, I'm not looking
03:40:34 --> 03:40:38
to go through the onboardingprocess. This is what this is why
03:40:38 --> 03:40:41
it was ironic to me that thesister earlier said that I was
03:40:41 --> 03:40:45
hard on older sisters. And I said,you know, my perspective is a bit
03:40:45 --> 03:40:50
different than the norm. Because,for me, I would prefer someone who
03:40:50 --> 03:40:55
is older, more mature, right?Because you bring in something to
03:40:55 --> 03:41:00
the table, I need you, if you'regoing to come on the team, you
03:41:00 --> 03:41:07
have to have some type of assets,period, because I'm content. I'm
03:41:07 --> 03:41:10
really content, it's like, it'slike, if for those that are
03:41:10 --> 03:41:12
understand the analogy.
03:41:13 --> 03:41:17
It's like having the lottery inthe NBA Draft, I got to pick the
03:41:17 --> 03:41:21
first choice, I got to pick outone. So now anything that comes on
03:41:21 --> 03:41:26
the team, I'm content, you got toplay your role. And if you're not
03:41:26 --> 03:41:29
content with playing your role,since I wish you the best, but
03:41:29 --> 03:41:31
this probably another brother outthere, that's for you.
03:41:34 --> 03:41:34
I'm good.
03:41:35 --> 03:41:39
So if you want to get on boardthis team, when you gotta get on
03:41:39 --> 03:41:43
the program, and you got tounderstand you got to have assets.
03:41:43 --> 03:41:45
Because if not what we build
03:41:48 --> 03:41:51
I'm not bringing, I'm not bringingyou on the team for you just to
03:41:51 --> 03:41:53
ride the bench you get in thegame.
03:41:55 --> 03:42:00
What do you find by assets,muscle, meaning meaning. And just
03:42:00 --> 03:42:03
by the way, it's important topoint out is that both coach knows
03:42:03 --> 03:42:06
their ankles, Nasir, they're theolder them because he's mentioned
03:42:06 --> 03:42:08
to 46 not said how old you are.
03:42:09 --> 03:42:14
Brother, I don't want to saybecause coaching is it is gonna,
03:42:14 --> 03:42:17
it's gonna rub it in. Because, youknow, we share the same culture.
03:42:17 --> 03:42:23
So by default, I gotta turn to mybrother, because I appreciate and
03:42:23 --> 03:42:26
respect the fact that I'm theyounger and maybe my own mentality
03:42:26 --> 03:42:30
will change as I get older and youknow, Rich. Okay.
03:42:31 --> 03:42:39
So, so I am 45 Oh, you know, mybrother, Coach Knizia, please, you
03:42:39 --> 03:42:43
know, be gentle. And Brother, Iknow the coach, I have to defer to
03:42:43 --> 03:42:47
you. But anyway, so with thatbeing said, but what did you mean
03:42:47 --> 03:42:48
by assets? I can answer?
03:42:49 --> 03:42:53
What is the so what is what iswhat is the vision? What are you
03:42:53 --> 03:42:57
trying to build? And so so anysystem that comes on yet the Dean
03:42:57 --> 03:43:00
has to be there, certain level oftraction has to be there, but how
03:43:00 --> 03:43:01
can you help me build
03:43:03 --> 03:43:08
in terms of what I'm trying tobuild? What can you add to my
03:43:08 --> 03:43:12
vision, where I'm trying to go?That's, that's what I need. What's
03:43:12 --> 03:43:13
your stuff?
03:43:14 --> 03:43:18
I'm a sister I want to apply toget on the team. What would you be
03:43:18 --> 03:43:20
looking for in the CV that wouldcatch your attention?
03:43:22 --> 03:43:25
So what I would do is I wouldexplain to you my vision, where
03:43:25 --> 03:43:28
I'm trying to go where I'm tryingto take the family and what I'm
03:43:28 --> 03:43:31
looking for you is what I'mlooking to hear from you is how
03:43:31 --> 03:43:34
you can take something off of myshoulders.
03:43:35 --> 03:43:38
I got you how can you make thislighter for me? Because the
03:43:38 --> 03:43:45
reality as a man, I'm carrying alot anyway every day. So how can
03:43:45 --> 03:43:50
you come in with the desire totake just one thing off of my
03:43:50 --> 03:43:50
plate?
03:43:52 --> 03:43:56
Because you have somethingspecific in mind I'd love to know
03:43:56 --> 03:44:00
what that is. Yeah, exactly. Ithink people we need details right
03:44:00 --> 03:44:03
now. I think everybody in the chatis like assets. What do you mean
03:44:03 --> 03:44:05
assets? What do you mean bringsomething to the table? What are
03:44:05 --> 03:44:09
we talking about? What's what's anexample? So I was so let me say
03:44:09 --> 03:44:15
this so so so sis right now so thesystem out there you you you're
03:44:15 --> 03:44:20
playing the role of the systemswork right now for a company as a
03:44:21 --> 03:44:22
as an accountant
03:44:24 --> 03:44:28
Okay, that's a skill set I can useand build it and my own business.
03:44:29 --> 03:44:33
You can taxes that's something Ican use in my own business. That's
03:44:33 --> 03:44:38
an asset you bring into my life.right not to mention that you look
03:44:38 --> 03:44:41
good and you believe in Allah andHis Messenger, but I'll be your
03:44:41 --> 03:44:45
piece. I don't I can't I'm notgonna bring anything done. Yeah,
03:44:45 --> 03:44:48
but I can be your piece. You knowwhat I say to her?
03:44:49 --> 03:44:52
are leaning into or not touchingsay boo boo. I'm good. My wife
03:44:52 --> 03:44:52
already gives me that.
03:44:56 --> 03:44:59
I'm Masha Allah. Oh, thank Allah.Bye
03:45:00 --> 03:45:03
it, um content, I can place it,I'm content. So you gotta bring
03:45:03 --> 03:45:05
something to the team. That ain'talready good.
03:45:06 --> 03:45:13
So now, so. So again, as I startedcomment free labor, call it what
03:45:13 --> 03:45:17
you want I call it having anasset. And if you're older you
03:45:17 --> 03:45:21
need to market you need to haveleverage mom giving you what the
03:45:21 --> 03:45:24
leverage can be, you're gonnaalready give it to your cup, your
03:45:24 --> 03:45:27
corporate husband, why not give itto me?
03:45:30 --> 03:45:33
I'm not gonna think that you but Imean, this is you got to think
03:45:34 --> 03:45:38
when you own your and you needleverage, what do you already have
03:45:38 --> 03:45:42
that you can add to a man that'salready on his vision and can show
03:45:42 --> 03:45:45
you that he's on his vision? Notjust his words, but his actions
03:45:45 --> 03:45:50
are there you see it? How can youtake a little bit off of his
03:45:50 --> 03:45:54
plate? I think this question isobvious. What can you give her?
03:45:54 --> 03:45:57
It's obvious he's going to takeher on provide for her and so on
03:45:57 --> 03:45:59
and so forth? And
03:46:00 --> 03:46:02
I think that's a good question.Although I think that's a good
03:46:02 --> 03:46:07
question. Because I think I thinkand I'll stop with this. I think
03:46:07 --> 03:46:12
this points to the element ofsisters thinking that polygyny
03:46:12 --> 03:46:17
only serves mint particle afek.Exactly.
03:46:19 --> 03:46:24
Like that, like, it's, again, acoach Nazir, I think could
03:46:24 --> 03:46:28
probably speak to this extremelywell as well, like, this is an
03:46:28 --> 03:46:33
extreme. Marriage is a lot ofthings. But for men of resources
03:46:33 --> 03:46:37
and capacity, it's an exchange ofresources and time.
03:46:38 --> 03:46:42
I'm giving up my time andresources to you.
03:46:43 --> 03:46:45
What am I getting in return?
03:46:46 --> 03:46:50
Again, marriage is a lot. Butthat's an element in it. And so
03:46:50 --> 03:46:54
since if you're older, if you'redivorced, see, acknowledge the
03:46:54 --> 03:46:59
Muslim marriage market as it is,and just ask yourself, What assets
03:46:59 --> 03:47:04
do I have, that I can then helptake something off of this man's
03:47:04 --> 03:47:07
plate? And that speaks to I thinkwhat you're really alluding to
03:47:07 --> 03:47:13
Matthew is that you can help himwith some level of peace by
03:47:13 --> 03:47:17
relieving something from hisplate. I got you. I got you. I got
03:47:17 --> 03:47:24
we've, we've got a lot of pushbackin the comments. One, brother,
03:47:24 --> 03:47:25
it's your job to provide.
03:47:26 --> 03:47:30
Next one, is this not placingdemands on a woman that Allah does
03:47:30 --> 03:47:34
not place on her for marriage? Notgood enough. NASA, you are looking
03:47:34 --> 03:47:39
for someone to use? Okay, this isabuse.
03:47:40 --> 03:47:41
On
03:47:42 --> 03:47:46
women when they say I've beenabused, I never believe it is
03:47:46 --> 03:47:50
called financial abuse. Aren't yousupposed to provide for her just
03:47:50 --> 03:47:53
as you do for initial wives? Whatif she doesn't want to work?
03:47:55 --> 03:47:59
Only to hear says that? I thinkthat's reasonable. Everybody else
03:47:59 --> 03:48:02
says you're looking for somebodyto provide. Are you penalizing her
03:48:02 --> 03:48:03
for being older?
03:48:04 --> 03:48:09
This sounds like something the redpill would say. What's this now?
03:48:09 --> 03:48:16
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I think that'sit. So defend yourself. So yeah, a
03:48:16 --> 03:48:18
part of me says, I don't want todefend it. You don't like it?
03:48:18 --> 03:48:21
Don't marry me. I'm good. Can Isay this?
03:48:22 --> 03:48:25
Because I actually, I think Iunderstand where you're coming
03:48:25 --> 03:48:28
from. And please correct me if youif I'm, if I'm not, but I think I
03:48:28 --> 03:48:33
get it, which is your content, asyou've just said, You are content.
03:48:33 --> 03:48:37
I'm good. Right? And I know thatfeeling. I know that feeling of
03:48:37 --> 03:48:41
I'm good. So if I'm gonna take onanother wife, I'm actually doing
03:48:41 --> 03:48:46
you a favor. How did you not do mea favor? Because I'm good. Right?
03:48:46 --> 03:48:50
So if I'm going to do you, if I'mgoing to bestow this privilege of
03:48:50 --> 03:48:55
making you my wife, bestow thisJonnie blessing
03:48:57 --> 03:49:02
this privilege of making you mywife, why am I one pack? Well
03:49:02 --> 03:49:07
again, return because all thenormal stuff, I'm happy, I have a
03:49:07 --> 03:49:10
wife or wives already handled, I'mgood. So what else do you bring
03:49:10 --> 03:49:11
in?
03:49:12 --> 03:49:16
That would benefit me in thisexchange of value? Because all of
03:49:16 --> 03:49:19
the things the basic things Ialready got it well, maybe times
03:49:19 --> 03:49:24
two, or maybe times 3am. I correctin saying that. You're spot on?
03:49:24 --> 03:49:29
Because I think Allah I thinkAllah, I'm content I'm good. And
03:49:29 --> 03:49:34
so are you then sisters judging mefor what my preferences are?
03:49:40 --> 03:49:40
The challenge
03:49:44 --> 03:49:48
says, What if she said the Sister,tell me what you need, and I will
03:49:48 --> 03:49:50
go and qualify and come back.
03:49:51 --> 03:49:52
How about that?
03:49:53 --> 03:49:56
That's, that's training. You know,that's trying to want to
03:49:58 --> 03:49:59
know, if you notice
03:50:00 --> 03:50:06
I said to my auntie, when he askedme, I said, Instead of answering
03:50:06 --> 03:50:09
him with what she can do, Ianswered with, I would tell her
03:50:09 --> 03:50:15
the vision and I'm looking for herto then say how she right to be on
03:50:15 --> 03:50:19
that team and help him alreadyhave told her what you need by.
03:50:22 --> 03:50:26
I'm also testing to see hermotivation her to get on his team,
03:50:26 --> 03:50:27
because I'm good.
03:50:29 --> 03:50:33
And I'm good. And so this is theother thing. This is the other
03:50:33 --> 03:50:33
thing.
03:50:35 --> 03:50:37
said you don't have to do it.
03:50:38 --> 03:50:39
They're asking you to get on theteam.
03:50:41 --> 03:50:44
To you something new.
03:50:45 --> 03:50:51
Can you hear me? Yeah, that's whatI'm saying to you is an asset.
03:50:51 --> 03:50:54
It's interesting with sisters.It's interesting, because what if
03:50:54 --> 03:50:59
I would have said I want a youngsister who is you know, can fit a
03:50:59 --> 03:51:04
dress size six? Would it be acomplaint then I'm seeing a skill
03:51:04 --> 03:51:09
set that you already have. Thatworks for me is a preference for
03:51:09 --> 03:51:09
me.
03:51:11 --> 03:51:16
Yeah, I'm good. Coach. What do youthink about what's happening here?
03:51:16 --> 03:51:21
Because this is again, today hasbeen a fiery fiery live I don't
03:51:21 --> 03:51:23
know this like Clash off the
03:51:25 --> 03:51:27
mic is bringing something
03:51:30 --> 03:51:33
up some kind of interference. Doyou think Brother Nasser's out of
03:51:33 --> 03:51:34
pocket?
03:51:35 --> 03:51:39
comment here? First, we promotepolygamy as part of the deen to
03:51:39 --> 03:51:43
help women who are divorced,widowed, etc. But yet she is told
03:51:43 --> 03:51:46
she has to give you something thatAllah doesn't require her to
03:51:46 --> 03:51:50
hypocrisy. So Pamela doesn't justkind of go against marrying for
03:51:50 --> 03:51:54
the sake of mercy. Just don't wantall brothers to feel as if this is
03:51:54 --> 03:51:56
the only reason to marry what sayyou coach.
03:51:58 --> 03:52:01
We basically said the same thing.The difference is the lack of
03:52:01 --> 03:52:05
maturity with understandinglanguage. See, because he said
03:52:05 --> 03:52:09
assets, they instantly thoughthe's talking about some type of
03:52:09 --> 03:52:13
income coming in and they take anasset as being monetarily. Yeah,
03:52:13 --> 03:52:16
that's the problem. Right there.You don't understand what an asset
03:52:16 --> 03:52:21
is, you know, the asset is uphere. Like I'm the asset. It's not
03:52:21 --> 03:52:24
the things we produce thebusinesses not I'm gonna ask that
03:52:24 --> 03:52:28
take me anywhere. Well, what Ihave, and we can help reduce this
03:52:28 --> 03:52:33
bit Nilla understanding what acidis all you're asking is, how are
03:52:33 --> 03:52:36
we like, Okay, well, I'm gonnamarry this woman. Here's you're
03:52:36 --> 03:52:38
watching TV watching The Bachelorbachelorette or something to
03:52:38 --> 03:52:39
target, right? It's like, oh,
03:52:43 --> 03:52:46
my favorite. These are her assets.
03:52:47 --> 03:52:50
How do we not understand that? Youknow, I'm saying so it's like, Oh,
03:52:50 --> 03:52:53
my God, the hypocrisy. No, youneed to bring something and
03:52:53 --> 03:52:55
wherever you get the idea that amarriage can just be something
03:52:55 --> 03:53:00
just a mercy. This is marriage.All right, Mark, you could give
03:53:00 --> 03:53:03
sadaqa to anybody help people inmany different ways. But this
03:53:03 --> 03:53:06
ain't that when you talk aboutmarriage as an example from from
03:53:06 --> 03:53:09
the time properly separate. Peoplesay he only made older women to
03:53:09 --> 03:53:12
divorce woman and all thesethings, right? He only made Yeah,
03:53:12 --> 03:53:17
he did only marry one virginvirgin in isone Leina. But do you
03:53:17 --> 03:53:21
forget about Julia ruddy Alana.She was raised in luxury sitting
03:53:21 --> 03:53:24
on Golden thrones. Her husband waskilled after their marriage. It
03:53:24 --> 03:53:27
was made in a very short time inthe battle against Apophis epsilon
03:53:28 --> 03:53:31
All right. When I showed himbehind a saw her she knew he was a
03:53:31 --> 03:53:35
part of someone's type. She knewit. What did he do? He didn't
03:53:35 --> 03:53:39
consult with anybody he did hepropose to you audio on your lawn
03:53:39 --> 03:53:43
in front of his wife. So you knowI got some better for you. She was
03:53:43 --> 03:53:46
trying to negotiate for therelease of her tribe and her
03:53:46 --> 03:53:49
father and all this type of stuff,right? He said I will marry you
03:53:49 --> 03:53:52
that would be even better.Alright, and I shorted law and
03:53:52 --> 03:53:55
said there was not a woman who hadgot more Baraka then her she freed
03:53:55 --> 03:53:58
her people with everything in hismarriage. So he didn't take into
03:53:58 --> 03:54:01
account Oh, how am I life here forme to propose to another woman in
03:54:01 --> 03:54:04
front of her. This is our Prophetsallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
03:54:04 --> 03:54:09
giardia she was 20 years old,young. Probably Salam was in his
03:54:09 --> 03:54:13
50s at the time. So let's learnthe zero before we start talking
03:54:13 --> 03:54:17
crazy about stuff in assumingthings about whom I mean to our
03:54:17 --> 03:54:22
mothers. Very important tounderstand. So knowing that having
03:54:22 --> 03:54:24
your preferences and things thatyou like and you desire and what's
03:54:24 --> 03:54:28
expected like I said in thetechniques, tick these boxes and
03:54:28 --> 03:54:31
being picky and those that haveassets that they bring to the team
03:54:31 --> 03:54:33
if she could bring you peace ofmind and comfort and help you
03:54:33 --> 03:54:36
further your vision for that'swhat I'm talking about. Anything
03:54:36 --> 03:54:38
less is unacceptable.
03:54:39 --> 03:54:43
So apparently, you're you're outof luck, Coach NASA because this
03:54:43 --> 03:54:47
woman who gives this value shedoes not exist. So stop dreaming.
03:54:51 --> 03:54:54
Apologies for the lack of my DMs.I'm good.
03:54:56 --> 03:54:59
I got proof. So they exist. Blessyou.
03:55:00 --> 03:55:00
Keep it a buck.
03:55:02 --> 03:55:03
costly.
03:55:05 --> 03:55:08
The language thing? I think theway they have interpreted the
03:55:08 --> 03:55:14
language is that oh, he's tryingto suck assets out of me know the
03:55:14 --> 03:55:19
term asset is a broad term. Istopped to ask Nasser, what do you
03:55:19 --> 03:55:22
mean by assets? You see, youdidn't do the same thing. Um, so
03:55:22 --> 03:55:26
one of the comments was, it's nota woman's job to bring value to
03:55:26 --> 03:55:29
relationship. Are you kidding me?Sister, I she's got a
03:55:30 --> 03:55:33
sister i She has understood it.Mashallah. Thank you, sis, Aisha
03:55:33 --> 03:55:37
for for for like being open?Because she's got it. Yeah.
03:55:38 --> 03:55:42
Exactly. We're trying to build.Yeah, and since I should this is
03:55:42 --> 03:55:46
not I don't think that this iscorrect, is, if I've understood
03:55:46 --> 03:55:51
the model correctly, if any one ofyou chooses to marry a young
03:55:51 --> 03:55:55
sister, there will be value thatshe brings, that is different to
03:55:55 --> 03:55:59
what an older sister will bring.So you would still expect value
03:55:59 --> 03:56:02
from the younger sister, just asyou expect value from the older
03:56:02 --> 03:56:06
sister. And it's not a case ofsurface sisters who are wondering
03:56:06 --> 03:56:09
about this, it's not a case of youmarry the younger one, because you
03:56:09 --> 03:56:13
desire her, you marry the olderone, because out of mercy or
03:56:13 --> 03:56:16
feeling sorry for her or feelingbad for her. And you're not going
03:56:16 --> 03:56:19
to get anything from either ofthose. I think that that's an
03:56:19 --> 03:56:20
unrealistic view.
03:56:23 --> 03:56:28
Yeah, yeah, I think she may nothave so what was said earlier?
03:56:29 --> 03:56:31
Because like I said, I'm notinterested in the onboarding
03:56:31 --> 03:56:34
process of no disrespect to ayounger one.
03:56:35 --> 03:56:39
I that's just not me. So if I'mgoing to take a sister who is more
03:56:39 --> 03:56:44
mature, you know, she would needto be able to, as it was said in
03:56:44 --> 03:56:47
the comments, I think somebody'sgot it. Right. This is teamwork.
03:56:47 --> 03:56:48
We build something here.
03:56:50 --> 03:56:53
We're going somewhere. We'releaving something for the next
03:56:53 --> 03:56:54
generations.
03:56:56 --> 03:57:00
Yeah. So there's no need to pitthe young against the older
03:57:00 --> 03:57:03
there's no need because everybodyhas their strengths. Everyone has
03:57:03 --> 03:57:07
their strengths and theiradvantages, right? So the best
03:57:07 --> 03:57:11
thing to do is to play to yourstrengths and try to make up for
03:57:11 --> 03:57:13
your you know, whatever you arelacking right so a younger sister
03:57:13 --> 03:57:17
maybe she doesn't have experiencein life or you know, she's not
03:57:17 --> 03:57:20
capable in certain things, buttrust me she brings something to
03:57:20 --> 03:57:23
the table which you can't bringbecause that's not your wheelhouse
03:57:23 --> 03:57:26
anymore, masha Allah, so there'sno need ladies, there's no need to
03:57:26 --> 03:57:30
where you are celebrated. Okay.They says all relationships are
03:57:30 --> 03:57:34
transactional, whether consciouslyor subconsciously, let's stop the
03:57:34 --> 03:57:37
games and marry for the sake ofAllah. Life is transient and
03:57:37 --> 03:57:41
marriage is a test. tranquillitysays what in the world if I miss
03:57:41 --> 03:57:45
girl, brother, whoever you areSubhanallah like you missed a lot,
03:57:45 --> 03:57:46
you'll have to rewatch the wholething.
03:57:48 --> 03:57:51
Okay, so okay, this isinteresting. So let's, let's deal
03:57:51 --> 03:57:57
with this. Because I like this,the amount of arrogance, it is a
03:57:57 --> 03:58:01
privilege for you to have me asyour second wife in the first
03:58:01 --> 03:58:06
place. What are my benefits? Let'send on this comment. Please.
03:58:06 --> 03:58:09
Let's, let's end on this comment.What say you to this comment?
03:58:09 --> 03:58:13
Please don't say don't marry me.Because I do think that there is a
03:58:13 --> 03:58:17
teaching moment here. This is thisis important. On my elders to go
03:58:17 --> 03:58:18
fast, please.
03:58:20 --> 03:58:22
So by default, that's coaching.
03:58:24 --> 03:58:27
I gotta respect my elder, hey, youknow, he's my brother.
03:58:32 --> 03:58:36
You know, well, first of all,anybody like that, I mean, it's
03:58:36 --> 03:58:39
taught like this, are you Youprobably single anyway.
03:58:41 --> 03:58:47
Marriage is a meeting of these twoindividuals together. Alright, so
03:58:48 --> 03:58:51
first of all, men reallydetermined marriage to begin with,
03:58:52 --> 03:58:56
so we choosing you, alright, it'snot something extra, you know, if
03:58:56 --> 03:58:59
you want to look at privilege ofhaving you, you think in more
03:58:59 --> 03:59:01
depth thinking is more of apsyche, somebody on the side,
03:59:01 --> 03:59:06
somebody that doesn't have thebenefits, but provides a certain
03:59:06 --> 03:59:09
service or certain things that'snot a marriage comment.
03:59:11 --> 03:59:15
To begin with. So if I'm marryingsomeone, then clearly
03:59:17 --> 03:59:19
there's a whole understanding ofthe contract on both sides.
03:59:19 --> 03:59:23
There's benefits to both Alright,so I'm not saying I'm you I'm such
03:59:23 --> 03:59:26
a such that you must serve me wegarments for each other. This is
03:59:26 --> 03:59:28
marriage, we're working togethertoward this goal, or at least
03:59:28 --> 03:59:31
under my vision or my family, whatI want to move forward as the man
03:59:31 --> 03:59:37
with families. So what are yourbenefits? You know, just for the
03:59:37 --> 03:59:41
sake of existing metabolism? Forsome reason women think similarly
03:59:41 --> 03:59:45
simply because they have somethingbetween the legs. That is the most
03:59:45 --> 03:59:48
exciting thing for most men on theplanet that that all of a sudden
03:59:48 --> 03:59:53
means you're entitled but you havethis thing look about half the
03:59:53 --> 03:59:56
people on the planet have thatthing. Are we are created with a
03:59:56 --> 03:59:59
certain desire. Yes. And astronger US Yep, all that stuff.
04:00:00 --> 04:00:03
But there's 1,000,001 ways tosatisfy that desire. Maybe not
04:00:03 --> 04:00:06
that many. But I'm just saying,There are many different ways but
04:00:06 --> 04:00:09
simply possessing it and having apretty face and are pretty fuzzy,
04:00:09 --> 04:00:12
you know, all that stuff is great.That's fine. That's nice. But you
04:00:12 --> 04:00:18
are not the only one. So unlessyou're adding that value, less you
04:00:18 --> 04:00:21
adding value, many people know theprice to stuff. All right, they
04:00:21 --> 04:00:23
know the cost, but they don't knowthe value.
04:00:24 --> 04:00:27
So when it comes to marriage,you're looking at it as if price
04:00:27 --> 04:00:30
thing or I have this distance,never, but you're not looking at
04:00:30 --> 04:00:32
the value, bring it to it, you'dbe a foolish you being really,
04:00:32 --> 04:00:36
really immature. So what are yourbenefits to marriage? The example
04:00:36 --> 04:00:39
if you're talking to me? Well, I'msuch and such, and I have all this
04:00:39 --> 04:00:42
type of stuff. And you think thatyou already disqualified yourself
04:00:42 --> 04:00:43
from dealing with a man of value.
04:00:44 --> 04:00:47
You could talk to some Simpson,like some guys is going to, you
04:00:47 --> 04:00:51
know, come up behind and so on,that they're treading water and
04:00:51 --> 04:00:56
stuff. But being a second wife, ora subsequent wife, that's still
04:00:56 --> 04:01:01
the wife, that's still a marriage.So thinking of it as anything
04:01:01 --> 04:01:04
other than means you're comingfrom somewhere other than thinking
04:01:04 --> 04:01:07
of it as a marriage. So that's, tome, that's just trash.
04:01:09 --> 04:01:14
I have a question for the chat.And maybe I'm just trying to add
04:01:14 --> 04:01:16
more spice since we closed it out.
04:01:18 --> 04:01:23
When I was getting married, one ofthe criteria that I had was that
04:01:23 --> 04:01:26
the sister had to be okay withhomeschooling.
04:01:27 --> 04:01:31
period that like it was a nonnegotiable for me. And for me,
04:01:31 --> 04:01:35
that's a part of what I'm tryingto build. So my question then for
04:01:35 --> 04:01:40
the chat, and for the sisters, whosaid I'm abusive? Am I Am I being
04:01:40 --> 04:01:44
abusive? Again? Is that is that?Am I exploiting labor? Or do I
04:01:44 --> 04:01:49
want free labor again, is or or inthat way? Can you now see the
04:01:49 --> 04:01:52
bigger macro level? Can you seethe big picture then?
04:01:54 --> 04:01:57
Or is it only can be you see thebig picture when it fits what you
04:01:57 --> 04:01:59
define as acceptable?
04:02:00 --> 04:02:05
So in the chat, is that I stillexploiting? If I say that whoever
04:02:05 --> 04:02:08
I'm married has to be okay, withhomeschool? Whilst the chat
04:02:08 --> 04:02:13
answers that Do you mind if I givemy two cents on this? Sure. We can
04:02:13 --> 04:02:16
wait on the chat. They probablyown something else. Go ahead.
04:02:16 --> 04:02:19
Yellow, do you mind pulling itback up sister NEMA The the
04:02:19 --> 04:02:21
comment from the arrogance one?
04:02:23 --> 04:02:28
Fall back? But basically, it's thearrogance? You It's a privilege
04:02:28 --> 04:02:32
for me to be your second wife.Right? Yeah. What do you bring to
04:02:32 --> 04:02:36
the table? Something like that?Correct? Yeah. So if a sister is
04:02:36 --> 04:02:40
considering a brother, as a secondwife already, it means by default
04:02:40 --> 04:02:46
that he or she deems him worthy.Period. Right? If you're looking
04:02:46 --> 04:02:49
at a brother who's alreadymarried, and you are considering
04:02:49 --> 04:02:53
being his second wife, you areonly even entertaining that for
04:02:53 --> 04:02:56
because you deem him worthy in thefirst instance, all right, I
04:02:56 --> 04:03:00
didn't look to Lulu, this is thefirst point. The second point is
04:03:00 --> 04:03:04
that, with this being the case, ifhe is a man who is worthy, and
04:03:04 --> 04:03:06
maybe your perception is wrong,but let's just assume that he is,
04:03:07 --> 04:03:11
then we would also assume byextension, just as brother NASA
04:03:11 --> 04:03:15
zero pointed out that he is a manwho is content, when you're
04:03:15 --> 04:03:19
dealing with a man who is contentand not needy, is much more
04:03:19 --> 04:03:23
difficult to get on the team thanwhen you're dealing with a man who
04:03:23 --> 04:03:28
is in need. Okay, who does need toget married, because he has that
04:03:28 --> 04:03:31
need when you're dealing with aman who's content. And on top of
04:03:31 --> 04:03:34
that he's gonna have to providefor you and take care of you and
04:03:34 --> 04:03:35
so on.
04:03:37 --> 04:03:42
So then what are you bringing tothe table? You now must qualify
04:03:42 --> 04:03:46
yourself to Him, not the other wayaround, because by default, you
04:03:46 --> 04:03:51
have already qualified him to beworthy of this consideration in
04:03:51 --> 04:03:52
the first place.
04:03:54 --> 04:03:56
Yeah, I think that I think that'san important point.
04:03:57 --> 04:04:04
I think I think, and maybe that'ssomething that we as men maybe can
04:04:06 --> 04:04:12
take on, is expressing andconveying more what contentment
04:04:12 --> 04:04:12
looks like.
04:04:15 --> 04:04:17
Because when you're content, youmove differently.
04:04:19 --> 04:04:24
Right? You just do. And maybemaybe sisters don't see that
04:04:24 --> 04:04:28
enough. And maybe maybe therearen't that many brothers that are
04:04:28 --> 04:04:33
content. Hence why it's a strugglefor all of us who came on tonight
04:04:33 --> 04:04:38
to name 5022. No, five singlebrothers
04:04:39 --> 04:04:43
that, you know, are ready formarriage or that a good for
04:04:43 --> 04:04:48
marriage? So yeah, I think thatcontentment piece is rare. I don't
04:04:48 --> 04:04:52
think sisters understand what thatlooks like. And I question if they
04:04:52 --> 04:04:56
really understand what it lookslike, in a tangible way that
04:04:56 --> 04:04:59
they've touched it. They've hadthat experience of what it looks
04:04:59 --> 04:04:59
like.
04:05:00 --> 04:05:04
Have a man who's really on hisprogram. He has a vision and he's
04:05:04 --> 04:05:05
actually grinding towards that.
04:05:07 --> 04:05:11
I don't know if they if theyreally have experienced that in
04:05:11 --> 04:05:12
their life
04:05:16 --> 04:05:19
and stuff and with that being said
04:05:20 --> 04:05:23
I want to echo what MB said. Soit's been a great four hours,
04:05:25 --> 04:05:28
four hours the longest stream thatwe've done, masha Allah and it's
04:05:28 --> 04:05:31
all thanks to my amazing guests,my co host and you guys in the
04:05:31 --> 04:05:36
chat who keep it lit all the time.MashAllah Tabata kala. Thank you,
04:05:36 --> 04:05:39
Maghrib McGreevy, London for thesuper stick about a couple of
04:05:39 --> 04:05:43
weeks. Thank you so much, guys,you know how we close out. If you
04:05:43 --> 04:05:45
want me to close the show, andgive you an accent, you're gonna
04:05:45 --> 04:05:49
put down the money, five poundssuper sick, it is good. But I
04:05:49 --> 04:05:53
think we can do better. So let'ssee if somebody can top that
04:05:53 --> 04:05:58
inshallah. There was a lot today,we covered a lot, mashallah we
04:05:58 --> 04:06:03
really run the gamut of all sortsof things. The reason I, I tried
04:06:03 --> 04:06:06
to do as visceral talking, aspossible today, is that I really
04:06:06 --> 04:06:09
do believe that it's important forus as brothers and sisters to
04:06:09 --> 04:06:15
start listening to each other. Andsometimes, it's more useful to
04:06:15 --> 04:06:19
listen to the people whose viewsyou don't like. And that make you
04:06:19 --> 04:06:23
feel uncomfortable than the peoplewhose views you're, you're
04:06:23 --> 04:06:26
totally, you know, what they'regoing to say is totally
04:06:26 --> 04:06:29
comfortable. It's exactly what youthink, then you're in an echo
04:06:29 --> 04:06:33
chamber, right? What we saw todayon this stream, and in this chat,
04:06:33 --> 04:06:37
especially, was people coming outof their own echo chambers into a
04:06:37 --> 04:06:41
new space, and hearing men speakin a way that they are not used to
04:06:41 --> 04:06:45
hearing. I don't think it's a redpill thing. So those of you are
04:06:45 --> 04:06:48
saying, oh, red pill, red pill, Idon't think it's a red pill thing.
04:06:48 --> 04:06:53
It's just a man thing is just amasculine thing. Right? And, you
04:06:53 --> 04:06:56
know, when men are together,brothers, please correct me if I'm
04:06:56 --> 04:06:59
wrong, but my understanding iswhen men are together, this is how
04:06:59 --> 04:07:00
they speak, yes or no.
04:07:02 --> 04:07:06
This is barbershop talk. Right?This is, this is how men speak
04:07:06 --> 04:07:08
when they're together. So whatwe're getting sisters, which, you
04:07:08 --> 04:07:12
know, is something that we've notreally had the privilege of having
04:07:12 --> 04:07:19
is to hear men speaking honestly,openly, with respect, but telling
04:07:19 --> 04:07:23
you how they see things, whattheir considerations are, and what
04:07:23 --> 04:07:28
they you know, how they seethings. And if anything, it's a
04:07:28 --> 04:07:31
time to for you to reflect becauseif you are private in a marriage,
04:07:31 --> 04:07:35
or you want to be in a marriage,or you're raising a son, it's
04:07:35 --> 04:07:40
helpful to understand men a littlebit more than we do. So I'm hoping
04:07:40 --> 04:07:44
Inshallah, that this would havebeen an example of that, even when
04:07:44 --> 04:07:46
it's uncomfortable sisters andbrothers, because brother's got a
04:07:46 --> 04:07:50
beating today as well. So evenwhen it's uncomfortable, guys,
04:07:50 --> 04:07:54
lean into the discomfort becauseas we all know, mashallah, we're
04:07:54 --> 04:07:58
all in the personal developmentspace here, we know that your best
04:07:58 --> 04:08:01
your next best version is on theother side of your comfort zone,
04:08:01 --> 04:08:03
right? Once you get to the edge ofthe comfort zone, that's where the
04:08:03 --> 04:08:06
discomfort is guy, that's when youstart to feel like you want to get
04:08:06 --> 04:08:09
out of there. That's when you'regoing into the stretch zone.
04:08:09 --> 04:08:11
That's when you're going to growthat's when you're going to learn
04:08:11 --> 04:08:14
that's when you're going to expandyour understanding and inshallah
04:08:14 --> 04:08:19
evolve into the next version ofyourself. So I want to thank
04:08:19 --> 04:08:23
brother Mattie, Coach nausea, andmy co host,
04:08:24 --> 04:08:29
brother Nassif for today. And alsoto let you guys know that we are
04:08:29 --> 04:08:34
going to be at an event in Londonnext month in sha Allah. So the
04:08:34 --> 04:08:37
details of that we will give youall the full details at next
04:08:37 --> 04:08:44
week's show. But if you do want toattend one of these live, we will
04:08:44 --> 04:08:49
be having a live session nextmonth in London in East London. So
04:08:49 --> 04:08:52
look out for the details on ourInstagram and on the YouTube
04:08:52 --> 04:08:55
inshallah on our respectiveInstagrams on YouTube and we will
04:08:55 --> 04:08:58
have a special video with all thedetails of that as well even in
04:08:58 --> 04:09:03
love. But for now let's have thisSR 40 I think it's sr 14 with the
04:09:03 --> 04:09:07
$20 super sticker does that colorfade and you need to let me know
04:09:07 --> 04:09:10
in the chat what accent you wantus to close out on? Yes, coach,
04:09:11 --> 04:09:11
NASA
04:09:12 --> 04:09:18
one one quick point I have to onebecause I know how you wrote we've
04:09:18 --> 04:09:22
done a couple of shows together.So I know how you wrote you you
04:09:22 --> 04:09:27
you kind of ignore those commentswhere the sisters say for example,
04:09:28 --> 04:09:32
you are being a brilliant brotherhomeschooling is necessary so you
04:09:32 --> 04:09:37
like to like only share thecomments that point me a certain
04:09:37 --> 04:09:41
way. So I just want to put thatout there that's one right I'm on
04:09:41 --> 04:09:42
to you. Um, hit
04:09:45 --> 04:09:51
me up. Yeah, I know so but real soI just do I do want to make this
04:09:51 --> 04:09:55
one point. Thank you to whoeverbought me two cups of coffee
04:09:56 --> 04:09:59
mashallah, you didn't leave yourname handy. Let us okay.
04:10:00 --> 04:10:03
But you did make this point youdidn't leave the comment move from
04:10:03 --> 04:10:06
being hurt to disappointment.Thank you. And that's exactly what
04:10:07 --> 04:10:11
whenever there is an emotion thatyou feel that that you're
04:10:11 --> 04:10:15
uncomfortable you then want to setwhat is your emotional goal
04:10:16 --> 04:10:23
right whenever it's anger,anxiety, right hurt jealousy once
04:10:23 --> 04:10:28
you know you're feeling it thenset your emotional goal I want to
04:10:28 --> 04:10:32
get here and then once you knowwhat you want to get the
04:10:32 --> 04:10:35
alternative anxiety is concernedalternative to depression and
04:10:35 --> 04:10:39
sadness, then what are thethoughts I need to have to get me
04:10:39 --> 04:10:44
to that emotional goal right sothe emotional goal is the end the
04:10:44 --> 04:10:49
destination the thinking is thepath to get there. And that's what
04:10:49 --> 04:10:52
you have to shift because thethinking you had before was
04:10:52 --> 04:10:54
getting you to hurt versusdisappointment
04:10:55 --> 04:10:57
and if you guys want to know moreabout that thinking feeling
04:10:57 --> 04:11:00
connection please go back to otherepisodes of candid conversations
04:11:00 --> 04:11:05
where we've covered this in detailand also for a full breakdown of
04:11:05 --> 04:11:09
all the the healthy versions ofdifferent emotions that was in the
04:11:09 --> 04:11:13
intimacy conversation as well.I'll try to link those in the in
04:11:13 --> 04:11:16
the in the description inshallah.But for now, let's close out
04:11:16 --> 04:11:18
brothers does that come along withthe fame? Oh,
04:11:19 --> 04:11:23
I like like, I like watching youwhen you're ready to close out and
04:11:23 --> 04:11:26
stopping you from closing out whenyou're ready to close out. Oh, and
04:11:26 --> 04:11:31
why? As thing I would say is ifyou guys smoke slide in the DMS
04:11:32 --> 04:11:34
Instagram necie alameen.
04:11:35 --> 04:11:37
I take Yes, yes.
04:11:38 --> 04:11:42
All of this all of the source allof the comments, guys. Please do
04:11:42 --> 04:11:47
make sure that you have that youhave like the video. Don't forget
04:11:47 --> 04:11:49
that. Please make sure yousubscribe to the channel. We're on
04:11:49 --> 04:11:52
our way to 50,000 subs, you guyscan help us get there in sha
04:11:52 --> 04:11:56
Allah. But for now we are going toclose out the show. Thank you so
04:11:56 --> 04:12:00
much. Kamala Kulu fair. We did notget a request for the accent so I
04:12:00 --> 04:12:02
just use the accent from the air.
04:12:05 --> 04:12:09
Exactly. We see you next week.Inshallah. I don't know whether we
04:12:09 --> 04:12:13
will do that Thursday or theFriday but one of the days we will
04:12:13 --> 04:12:17
be doing and you must keep youreye on that channel so you know
04:12:17 --> 04:12:20
what is happening right. Goodbyeand goodbye. Goodbye. Good night.
04:12:20 --> 04:12:23
Salaam Alaikum WarahmatullahiWabarakatuh
